Reasons her Relationship is doomed.

Reasons why I think her relationship will fail… again.

1. When we said goodbye, she said she wouldn’t regret our relationship together. This, I find, is a red flag. If she doesn’t regret our time together, that is in a sense a violation of him and their relationship. I now regret our time together.
   
2. While we were moving out, I tried to remain platonic. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or anything. She would always touch me in passing and would end up kissing me. Each time we saw each other this happened. I later asked why she did this when I found out about the reconciliation and all she could say was… I don’t know. Uh.. Duh?
   
3. She says she still loves and cares about me. Don’t you think that, if you were in love with someone else, you wouldn’t just jump back into a previous relationship? Again, a red flag as to how this relationship is doomed to fail.
   
4. Her admitted need to obligate and do “what’s right”. Though she says she still has feelings for him, she never says she’s going back because she loves him, or that she needs to be with him. Her answers are always, “I feel this is the right thing to do” or “I have an obligation to this” or “I need try my hardest to make this work”. A failed relationship is a failed relationship. No matter how many times you beat a dead horse, it’s not gonna die again, no matter how much you try.
   
5. How many times did she do this before? Half a dozen or so? Yes, this is called a pattern, kids. A ‘Pattern’, as defined by Dictionary.com –

A consistent, characteristic form, style, or method, as: A composite of traits or features characteristic of an individual or a group: one's pattern of behavior.

This pattern is predictable and consistent. It will not change because neither of them has changed. Looking back, her behaviour and mindset is the same. Plus, she still has feelings for me, no matter how much she’ll try to repress them.

Let’s talk about him…

1. He’s gay. (Again, an allegation so as to not be libel, but there is much proof to this. It’d stand up in a court of his peers.)
   
2. He’s controlling.
   
3. Any man with ANY sense of self-worth would have dumped her ass a long time ago (I know, I know… what does that say about me??).
   
4. He is so desperate to get her back he’d do whatever it takes to get her back, including crossing his own beliefs and judgments. He went to church with her for Christ-sakes. I’d never do that. And I know for a fact he never went to church with her before. What, all of a sudden he found god??
   
5. Trust is pretty much shot in this relationship. He’ll always be thinking of me when he wants to touch/kiss/fuck (this is a rare instance. Has always been) her. Must drive him crazy to know I violated more ways than he can count.

There are plenty of reasons why this will fail but the two biggest:

Lack of trust on his part (no matter what he says) and she still fucking loves me. Repeatedly, he has said he’d forgive and trust her again. Again, let’s look at his pattern (see definition just in case you forgot).

• Takes her in.
• Says he trusts her.
• At first sign of discontent, accuses her of being a whore and recalls my name in brutal conversation.
• Kicks her out of house.
• Apologizes.
• Repeat as necessary.

These two reasons alone will destroy them. She may not be calling me now and may not for weeks or months… but she will. I guarantee it.

Reasons why I think he’s taking her back?

One, he’s weak and needs someone to care for him. Two, he doesn’t want to be alone. I’ll give him that one, but at what cost?

I don’t want to be alone either but… Would you rather take back someone for the sake of ease and kick your pride, self-respect and reasoning out the window?

If you ask me if I would take her back I seriously wouldn’t know. My first, non-thinking reaction would be yes, because my love for her is still great. But, I’d be in the same boat as him and I don’t want to be thought of as an on the same level as him. I’d never want to be compared to him. Not to float my boat, but I’m a better man in every way than him, except maybe him getting an MBA and being book smarter than me. It’s my not wanting to be alone and not wanting to have to go through the whole fucking nightmare of finding a woman who will love me for who I am and all of the imperfections I carry. But, after what I’ve been through with her… you know what – No, I wouldn’t. She’s his problem now.

And finally – you’re probably asking why I am making such a big deal about this. Forget her and move on you say? Yeah, I know. But, I’ll linger over this until I can understand exactly what happened. I have to. It’s the only way I can feel some sense of relief. It’s not that I think it was my fault, because it wasn’t. None of this had to do with me. It was all her and all on her. She made all the decisions and moves, with maybe a little influence from her fucked up family and him.

The therapy continues.