I finally broke down....

I finally broke down and emailed the ex.  It isn’t a plea to take me back or to think about “us”.  It’s about her and how she should really think about what she’s doing.  It’s also a final closure.  I did not write this to make her feel bad or to hope for her return to me.  It is closure and a recommendation… a request, even.  I hope you agree.  I asked that she send the Tiffany jewelry back.

In some ways, this was very cathartic.  It helped in more ways than one.  I hope she takes it the way I intended it – to be a heartfelt suggestion on what she really needs to do.  To make herself a better person and, if she really wants her relationship to work with her husband, she really needs to follow my request.  

Pam,

I don't know why I'm writing you.  It's something I need to say.. again.  I've done it every time we've gone through this and it's always the same thing.  You can read over the last letters I've written you, if you have them still.  They will always paint out the same picture.

You're in an emotional hole that I don't think you will get out of by taking the path you're on.  You need to objectively look at what you're doing, what he's doing.  You cheated on a man who has treated you with great contempt, who has called you a whore, cheat and liar.  He has broken your spirit down in the past and now, not only are you going back to him, he's taking you back?  You have to question his motives and his own being.  Then, you cheated on a man who loved you more than life itself.  Who gave you what you wanted, needed and support for what could have been.  To be honest, I truly believe you love me more than you know or are willing to admit.  But, that's irrelevant now.  You have to look at why you're like this.  You have to examine who you really are, and find your strength to be a better person.  I believe it will ultimately ruin any relationship you're in if you don't.

I am begging.. IMPLORING that you please do this one thing for me.  Just one thing.  Before you make any further commitments to your relationship with Judd, SEE A THERAPIST.  Please.  I want you to be happy.  I want you to be strong.  I want you to find what's best for you and I don't believe you're on that path.  It's because I see the good in you, behind all of that emotional baggage, the lies, the guilt.  I see one tremendously wonderful person.  That's the person I was so in love with.  To have someone not only love you but to believe in you is a true gift; it's what makes us strong.  I hope we both find that one day.  

I've always told you this.  See your therapist, see your therapist.  Instead, I believe you're using your faith as a crutch, a bandage to cover over something much greater.  Faith is a wonderful thing.  It gives people comfort, salvation and a hope greater than anything possible.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I just hope you aren't using it to cover up all of your insecurities, guilt, fear and pain.  Only the inner-strength I KNOW you can find will help that.

I will always love you.  I think you know that. If a chance for us arises again one day, know that I would seriously consider taking it.  But first, you need some soul-searching.  Though this event has been very traumatic for me, it has given me a new light and has shed some knowledge on what I do want and, in that, you've done me a great service.  I now have hope and a direction.  I know what I want and I thank you for that.  

You will always be in my thoughts but I am now letting go of you.  Your life is your own.  And I hope you truly find the happiness that you seek. Again, please... seek the counseling for YOURSELF.  Do this one thing for me.

Oh, and one more thing.  I'd appreciate it if you sent me back the necklace and ring.  They were gifts, yes, but are you really going to wear them now?  Plus, the pretexts under which they were given were violated.  Pease don't take this as a hit at you, it's just what I want.


Be happy and stay well.  Goodbye, Pamela.


Steve