Sometimes....

...someone in your network of friends gives you something you weren't looking for but absolutely needed...


Desiderata
Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
& Strive to be happy.

Some thoughts...

So.. I'm now in English 103. Seems the professor thought I was capable of taking the class. After thinking about "The Importance of Social Service for Students", I decided it wasn't about services (emphasis on the plural) but more along the lines of what students could do in society. It was rather difficult writing a 200 word paragraph, I must admit, but it worked and that's all that mattered. I do believe that it's quite beneficial for students, while in college, to do social work. It's beneficial not only to them but to the community in which they serve. But, I digress. It's not important anymore. Needless to say, I'm in class, it's paid for and I have purchased the book. I can't wait. Logic and Critical Writing. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

Anyway.. here are some thoughts.. I was thinking about this as I was driving home today listening to songs on my iPod -- why do people get offended by words, names, verbal assaults? Why??

Ok, I call you a whore and now you're upset or hurt. Did it do something to you? Did a word, something that comprises of letters, syllables and nothing physically threatening, actually cause you pain?

If so, you're a twit. You're allowing a word to control you. You're allowing the person "assaulting" you with that word to hurt you giving them power over you. You are weak. To make a big deal out of a verbal exchange is simply stupid.

See, you're allowing a negative connotation affect you in a way that is silly. You should be above that. Why should I allow a word like 'fag' or 'cocksucker' or 'fucktard' bother me? I'm none of the negative connotations they denote. If I were a woman, why would I allow the word 'bitch', 'whore', 'cunt' or 'slut' bother me? I know I wouldn't be any of those. And even if I were, so? They're only words. Letters grouped into something understandable.

If they bother you so much, try taking the words that bother you, writing them down and burning them? Crumple them up and throw them away.

It's silly. Anyone who is affected by a word should really get over it. They're only words. In the scheme of things, they're non-issues.

It's a great day!

So, today was the dreaded weigh-in and measurement after 21 days of counting calories (not really counting - just changing my diet to more healthy foods), 6-day-a-week workouts for at least a half-hour to an hour each day with two of those days being trainer-led (Sean kicks my ass! He's fucking awesome) and just staying motivated and positive. Let's see what happened.

I stepped onto the scale and.. shit! I lost a pound and a half. What the fuck? Oh, wait! I lost 4.3 inches across the board, 2.5% body fat which translates to 7.3 pounds with a gain of 5.8 pounds of muscle. Again, 21 days. That's roughly 2.8 pounds a week. My trainer says it's pretty amazing that I lost that much in that amount of time. I'm pretty fucking stoked. So, I had a candy bar to reward myself; a small Snickers (I used to eat the big ones). It's cool because I'm beginning to see the changes in my face and clothes are getting a little looser. I have a little more energy and, I don't know if it's me or if it's the fitness but I feel upbeat, positive and a little happier; like I did when I was on Celexa (an anti-depressant I was taking for anxiety). It's amazing, really. I feel great. Now if I could just skip the planks. I hate planks.

I don't expect the muscle gain in the next month and neither does Sean. He thinks that, if I keep up what I'm doing now, I'll lose the pounds quickly and easily. Now that's what I want to hear. I'm even more motivated now. It's a lesson to you all that, just because you don't see the pounds coming off on the scale doesn't mean you're not losing the weight.

So, my reward after I drop the initial weight (I've decided that my target date is this day next year for my total transformation) of 40 pounds will be the $40 bottle of Pinot Noir I have stashed in the closet. I'm glad I didn't take that out on New Year's. That would have been a shame. Until that time, not a drop of alcohol will be consumed. Damn. That sounds pretty harsh. But it's god-damned worth it.

On to other things... So, today, I wrote this mother-fucking awesome poem. It's.. well, it just flowed out. I am absolutely proud of this poem. So, where is it you ask? Sorry, it's one of those poems I don't want to share. I will say this - it's pretty angry. But it's just brilliant. If you ask nicely, I may share it but.. don't hold your breath. But, yeah.. it's pretty sweet. It's not haiku, either.

So, I've been cleared to attend school. I had to jump through hoops with a school counsellor to get him to clear me just to take one class - English 103. I'm petitioning an online course and the instructor asked me to write a 200-word paragraph on the Importance of Social Service for Students. Is it really important for students to have social services? Eh, probably. I mean, look at disabled students, low-income students, students with special needs... yeah, it's important. With the little research I've done, it seems Europe has kickin' social services for students. Sucks to be us. I also have to state my desire and seriousness for taking the class.. Hello!? I failed it and it's why I got kicked out of school! Umm, teacher.. I need to take this class so I can get the fuck outta Dodge and go to a Uni (eventually, anyway). I've got plans, yo! I've set goals!

I'm fucking tired. But life is good. Life. Is. Good.

An Infinite Intelligence

I'm reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. In my 20's, I had the book on cassette and played it often. I wanted to make a lot of money and listened to it over and over again. But, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to utilize the message Hill was conveying.

I read it now not because I want to make gross amounts of money (don't get me wrong, I don't want to be poor) but because it teaches how to think positively and how if one sets their mind to it, can achieve anything and attain anything one wants in life.

The premise is, of course, the Law of Attraction. However, Hill uses the term 'Infinite Intelligence' instead of 'the Universe'. It is a principle that has been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years. The difference in his message is that our minds are powerful tools that, once set properly, can help one achieve the greatest of goals. Where the message differs from The Secret is that we don't wait for the outcome to happen, we make it happen through effort and faith. Through this effort, we attract what we desire and we attain that which we ask for.

As I had said in a previous entry, I have faith in myself and in my abilities as a person to do what it is I need to do to get where I want to go. I have planted the seed of my desires into my mind and believe that whatever I want will come to fruition. It isn't enough to believe. I take action because of those beliefs. And, through those actions, I shall receive my rewards.

I truly believe I will get what I want in life and there's nothing to stop me from achieving that goal. The only thing that can stop me is me.

Comedy and Comedic Training

Something I decided to do for the new year was to go out and find something that would take me past the boundaries of my comfort zone; something that would help me crack out of my shell. Someone suggested to me once that I take an improv class - she thought I was a performer and on some level she may have been right, but I don't see myself as one. I see myself more as a comedian. Sure, comedians are performers, too, but they aren't actors; they're storytellers. And they're usually closet mental cases with a need for attention who have a lot of angst and depressive tendencies. That's me. Sometimes.

So, today I went to my first comedy workshop where I met a few very funny people who are, in some way, shape or form, fucked up. And that's just cool; people I can relate to. There were 8 of us in this Newport Beach apartment where, looking out from the balcony, one could see the Pacific Ocean. And, on a day after the rains, it's a spectacular view.

It was in this apartment where, in front of a microphone fed into a karaoke machine, they stood up and tried their material. I saw how they wrote, where they got their inspiration and what techniques they used. The crowd (the other 7, I just watched) shot back suggestions, told whether the jokes were funny or not or how to make them funnier. I was just stoked. I found something I could really get into.

There is a comedy workshop every week and for a small fee I can go and learn the trade, meet some new friends and watch some funny stuff. I also learned it's not a good way of getting laid. Hey.. I thought chicks dug funny guys. Only mentally stable ones, apparently. :-)

I Love a Rainy Night

Eddie Rabbit was the man.

I love a rainy night. In fact, I just love the rain. It's a cleansing of our environment. I love walking in the rain (when it's not too cold). I love listening to the rain pitter patter on the roof, the sidewalk, the street. Sometimes, I'll sit in my room alone with all of the lights off and just watch out of my window the rain and listen to the drone. It's an experience.

This morning, after the rain passed by, an AWESOME rainbow appeared. I just walked out of my office and BAM! There it was. I took a picture of it - I'll have to upload it sometime. It just shows that out of the gloom of dreary grey clouds there can be a happy refraction of light.

Yes, refraction. Look it up. I can tell you how rainbows happen but it would just take away from the experience.

I was in the right place at the right time. It's the little things in life that make it sweet.

I don't know why I do these things..

I know they're worthless and all and not really a measure of true intellect but.. I dig on them anyway..

Ok... time for the gym.

This whole Not Drinking thing

I've been going out a lot lately. And I haven't had a drink since I've started my intense workout regimen. Let me tell you - it's fucking harder than I thought. I thought it would be easy to just throw into the wind that shot of Jaeger.. or that vodka tonic.. or that bottle of brew. It's not. I crave a drink, especially during those stressful moments or those moments where uncertainty has reared its ugly head. Last night, I almost broke. Almost. It was that bottle of Baronjaeger (a honey liqueur) that had me craving.

It's especially hard when I'm socializing. Who doesn't drink when socializing? I've managed to solve that with a Cran and soda. It looks like I'm drinking but I'm not. But if I can't have that it's just water.

Does this make me an alcoholic? Certainly not. I drink because I want to, not because I need to. It may be that my reasons for drinking are skewed or that I may be a lush but I'm not an alcoholic.

...but that's what all alcoholics say, right? Touche.

Regret

Sometimes, I regret ever going to that stupid wedding where I met you. I didn't want to go in the first place and yet I was talked into it. And it was easy because it was the open bar that coaxed me into going.

Had I not gone, I would have never met you. I wouldn't have gone through the heartache of being rejected. I wouldn't have gone through the torment of wondering what it was I did or didn't do. I wouldn't have gone through the rollercoaster ride of insecurity, self-doubt and hatred. I wouldn't have felt the betrayal of being used. I wouldn't have felt the heat of anger and hatred for you. I would still be the same person I was before I met you.

But, had I not gone, I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have learned to be more tolerant, I wouldn't have had my eyes opened to new ideas and experiences. I wouldn't have learned to become more than who I was. I wouldn't have had this specific opportunity to grow. I wouldn't have become the positive, optimistic person I am becoming. I wouldn't have learned about the spiritual paths before me. I wouldn't have this drive to become a better me. I would have never been inspired. I would still be the same person I was before I met you.

Most of all, I wouldn't have had a chance to know you. I fell in love with you because of who you are and what you taught me that allowed me to see things I would have never seen. You asked once why I would ever want to date a woman like you. It's because you are a pain in the ass and you're a kook. But it's also because you are brilliant and unique. And, frankly, I think you need someone like me to help you grow and learn.

Currently, my feelings for you are of contempt and anger. It's just the healing process of getting over you. But, my hope is that one day we can truly be friends because, as I said before, you are someone of value in my life and I could never deny that. Maybe, one day.

But, if we never speak again, I hope you find your path. I hope you find happiness. I hope you succeed. I hope you do for someone what you did for me. And I hope you find in that person the same.

My assumption is that you'll never read this. That's fine as it's more for me to get out than for you to read.

Just an observation

People who use the word 'alot' and claim to be writers...

are idiots.

If they don't know the difference between 'there', 'they're' and 'their'...

They're idiots.

If they don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'...

They're morons.

'Its' and 'it's'? Please get it right.


I don't care if one can understand their point. I don't care if their idea is conveyed regardless. They're fucking morons and I can't stand it anymore.

If you can't use the words 'than' and 'then' in the correct context, go take a fucking class.

Don't even get me started on people who use numbers in their words. Text speak is fucking atrocious.

Spellcheck, people. That's what it's there for.

I take it for granted....

That I am rather computer literate. I take it for granted that I know more about computers and Windows (and Mac for that matter) than most people. Most people have no clue about their computer or their OS environment and it makes me sad.

I see people every day at work, out in the field, in different places and it just boggles my mind that people are.. well.. stupid.

Yep. Stupid. They barely have hand/eye coordination to operate a mouse. Yes, I've actually met a person who couldn't even operate a mouse. Did you know that Solitaire (that game you're always playing when you're bored to death) was put there to to teach one how to use the mouse? Yep.. Games aren't all bad, you know.

Anyway.. I'm done. I just wanted to say people are stupid.

A New Direction

I've wanted to get back to school for the longest time. Unfortunately, there are many obstacles in my way that prohibit me from getting to where I want to go. I'm not saying that I can't go back to school, I'm just saying that it's very difficult and somewhat time constraining.

I've been researching for the past year where and what I wanted to study. My goal is to be in school this year. I want to study Communications so that I can do something that would be in line with what I feel is my "destiny" (for the lack of a better term). At first, I wanted to get into advertising or maybe public relations but these are shallow, probably non-fulfilling career choices.

I've decided to maintain my focus on Communications but to also round it out with either a Psych or Sociology minor. This would allow me to really gain a foothold in the direction I wish to go.

As some of you may know, I'm very opinionated on religion, specifically Christianity. I don't have a lot of knowledge on the other two of the three Abrahamic branches - Judaism and Islam - let alone info on other major religions but I want to learn. This leads me to my other interest - philosophy. I've realized that philosophy is really my bag so I've decided I want to try and get a second degree in that. I may couple it with English as a minor (not really sure yet) but we'll see; writing is a newfound interest of mine (well, I've always liked writing but I've decided it's something I really enjoy.. and I'm good at it).

So that's where my ambition lies, school wise - two degrees, one with a minor. Can I do it? Certainly, I can. I know I can at least start the ball rolling this year. But, I have some things I need to take care of in regards to my junior college days, where I have a lot of credits it turns out. Once that's situated, I think I can get things started.

Sometimes you have to go backward to go forward.

Xanadu..on Broadway?

We all know and love Xanadu, the 1981 hit musical film that starred Olivia Newton-John and Gene Kelly. At least, I do. Anyway, I knew it had been adapted for stage but.. on Broadway?? I didn't know it played Broadway. I read a review in the LA Times a while back of a stage adaptation here in Los Angeles but.. Broadway?? Yeah, I can't believe that either..

Not until I picked up the Xanadu on Broadway Orignal Cast Recording today! Yeah!! Mind you, I didn't purchase it -- I picked it up. Yes, there is a difference. No money exchanged hands for this little gem.

I was down in Westwood this evening meeting up with a writer friend of mine; we attended the DVD release party for a docu called KING OF KONG - A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS. It's about the high score holders (I say holders because it keeps switching back and forth between a couple of guys) of Donkey Kong, the 80's hit game (there's a theme here, folks!) that sparked the Mario Brothers revolution. It just happens to be my all-time favorite arcade game, by the way. So, on the way home from this soiree I popped it into the CD player and BAM! It was back to my elementary school days where my crush on Olivia was hardcore.

Not really.

See, one cannot fuck with the beauty that is Xanadu. These people BUTCHERED the songs and then added a few ELO songs to boot, not to mention the one Olivia song (Have You Never Been Mellow? I've always wanted to cover this song by the way) they completely bastardized. If ONJ were alive today.. wait.. she is alive today.. Well, if she were dead, she'd be turning in her grave! I can't imagine what she's doing now!

Yeah, the movie was bad but this is total cheese. I mean, totally canned cheddar! If I had paid for this, I'd be rather upset. Wait, I am rather upset. These are songs of my youth. If they were food items, they'd be tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich (the good kind of cheese), comfort foods to tide you over after a bad fall or a horrible break up (even kids break up, you know).

Xanadu on Broadway. What's next? The Smurfs in Vegas? Oh the horror. Wait, isn't that the Blue Man Group?

Don't you hate it when...

...you have those pangs of loneliness and you don't know what to do about it?

You can only drive around LA for so long looking for a fucking whore.

Oh shut up. It's a joke.

Yeah.. sometimes we're lonely. Sometimes we feel like we're missing out on something more. And sometimes, it brings us down. And I do mean us, because I ain't the only one who has emotions.

I find it hard to believe that even those who look all hard on the outside who say their careers and their lifestyles are more important don't actually feel lonely at all.. even the ones who make millions and have more women than they know what to do with. Honestly, I think that shit would get old.. but how would I know? I haven't tried it yet.

Yet.

Whatever.. I'm just babbling because it's what I do.

I Don't Believe in Positive Affirmations...

I have faith. In myself. I have faith in the person that I am and who I will be. I have faith in the abilities I have and the abilities I will acquire. I have faith.

I don't care about what you, the person down the street, my boss or what my co-workers may think of me. I only care about what I think. I think I'm pretty swell. And I get better each day.

I know I will succeed. I will succeed at whatever I put my mind to. I am Jack's success story.

I am evolving. Learning. Becoming. I am more confident. I am stronger.

Despite what you may think, I am humble.

I am always learning something new. My mind is open to the possibilities. Life is not about one path. It's about many.

I look behind me only to remember what it is that brought me to this point. I look ahead knowing that this point is not the end.

What does the WGA stand for?

What does the WGA stand for? “We’re Greedy Assholes,” that’s what it stands for.

First, let me say that I’m not a big fan of the union. Its usefulness ended about 40 years ago. Seriously, do we really need them now? I mean, aren’t there enough laws on the books to protect the worker from the big bad employer? The one paying your wages for those 40 hours you put in each week? The one that has to follow rules established because of unions?

So what about the WGA? Most unions represent only those that actually work. The WGA, like the SAG, represents not only those that are working, but non-working as well. And what they’re fighting for currently is to get their fair share of revenue made by showing their wares on “new media,” like the internet, multi-media cell phones etc, etc, etc. Sure, being a “creative” is a little different than being, say, a GM car builder. With a manufacturer, the builder builds the car and is done with it. It goes out and pollutes the air, kills a few cats and, maybe, kills a few kids in a drunk-driving accident (heaven forbid this happening, but, let’s be precocious). Once the car is sold to the dealership, the people who built the car do not see any money from the sale of the car, let alone would they ever see any money from the resale of the car. And, if it goes to a rental agency, they wouldn’t even get a slice of the rental income, either. Now, let’s take a look at Mr. Screenwriter. He writes a script. They, (being the studios) make it into a hit television show. He is paid for the script. And then, he is paid each time it airs. What a gig! To be paid multiple times on something he wrote once. That’s gotta be nice.

So whom is this little strike affecting? Well, let’s see. EVERYONE?! You, me, the gaffer, the errand boy, craft services, the electricians, actors, directors, set photographers, etc, etc. This little strike is affecting everyone. How you ask? Let’s break it down. Let’s start with the obvious. The actors and crew of each television show. While the writers walk in circles creating their wonderful little picket chants (they’re creative, I’m sure they’re coming up with doozies as we read), the actors, directors, producers and all that are associated with those shows are sitting on their thumbs waiting for the strike to end. Sure, they (being the actors) probably don’t need the money but what about the people, who actually don’t make the big bucks, like the secretaries, interns, cue card holders, etc? This is a job for them. Some of them are probably even aspiring actors just trying to break into the business. So, now they’re out of work until this nonsense ends.

Next, we have the consumer. Who are these writers ultimately writing for? They’re writing to entertain the masses. And who are the masses? Yep, that’s us. And we’re sick and tired of watching the episode that aired two weeks ago. We don’t care that Letterman struck a deal with the WGA. And we certainly don’t care that Leno and the rest didn’t. Shit, we hardly care about late night talk shows anyway! Sure, the numbers are up but when you put water in the mouths of the thirsty, they’re gonna drink. And, new films are shitcanned because the writers can’t write until this strike ends. Don’t expect too many films this year, unless they’re indies that were written by non-WGA members. On a side note; as consumers, we should boycott television, period. Go out, read a book, take a bicycle ride, go camping. Ignore your television. And, don’t go see any movies, either (unless it’s that indie we just talked about).

Who else is this affecting? Those writers who don’t actually write (for pay, that is), that’s who. Like I had mentioned earlier, the WGA reps both working and non-working writers. Those that are working are still getting paid – reruns of their shows still generate income. But what about those who don’t write for some television show or are writing some spec or screenplay? Until this strike ends, they can’t find work or can’t finish their work, unless they want to be branded a scab, of course. So, the question they’re probably asking at the moment is – “would you like to see the dessert menu tonight?”

Anyone notice that the Golden Globes have been canned? The WGA won’t even allow an awards event to happen. Shit, this is an AWARDS EVENT, honoring those in the business for their talented work. And their selfish bullshit has caused The Hollywood Foreign Press Association to cancel the event and simply have NBC News cover a PRESS CONFERENCE (holy shit, a press conference??) whilst they read off the names of the winners. How fucked up is that? Well, guess what? We’re the ones who pay their ginormous salaries (through purchasing advertised products and box office receipts). We deserve to see that shit.

So, please forgive me if I think the WGA is a bunch of selfish, greedy bastards who don’t look at the big picture. They’re fighting for a 2.5 percent cut for Christ’s sake. Two and a half percent? And for what? A technology we don’t fully know the numbers on yet. For fuck’s sake, get over yourselves. Your selfish act is affecting a lot more than your paychecks and principles. It’s affecting others who work in the entertainment industry. It’s affecting the American population (to say the least). It’s even affecting crappy-ass writers who say they write even if it’s only between server gigs at the Cheesecake Factory.

Let’s do what people did when Major League Baseball striked. Everyone stopped going to the games afterwards. Their attention was elsewhere. How about we just stop watching television? Even you Nielsen families (ESPECIALLY you Nielsen families); turn off your tv’s. Go read a book or something.

Day 1

I've been going to the gym off and on for years. Here would be the equation in mathematical terms:

( ( loss of weight ) + ( put weight back on ) ) / (way too many years) == no results


So.. I've decided to enlist the help of a personal trainer. It's one of my goals this year to lose a substantial amount of weight. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't do it by myself - I needed motivation that was beyond me. This is normal, I think, for many people - I can't do it by myself as I've proven by my mediocre mathematical equation. Don't get me wrong, in the last 3 months I've probably lost about 25 pounds. It is noticeable and people have told me they see a difference. Unfortunately, it isn't good enough for me. I want substantial weight loss and I want it quickly. I don't have the patience for this 'one year/50 pounds' bullshit. I have a goal in mind which, at the end of the first phase, I'll divulge. But, right now, just know that I'm determined and nothing will stop me.

I've decided to stop my intake of alcohol for the first phase. I want to see how it will affect me. I know that my being a vegetarian has greatly helped my weight loss. I will be going to the gym 5-6 days a week for at least a half-hour a day. Two days a week will be with my trainer; those days, 1 hour.

Meals will consist of mainly salads and fish (in the form of sushi, yum!). For snacks - nuts, fruit and whey protein. I currently take supplements so that's taken care of. Lots of water to fill me up and lots of chocolate.. okay, not a lot of chocolate. Just a little. :-)

So, the workouts I can already say will kick my ass. My first workout was only 25 minutes long and I know I'll be walking tomorrow as though there was a stick up my ass. I could barely drive my car home with a stiff clutch. I thought I was going to crash into the parked cars in the lot.

I used to watch others training and I thought - 'how easy is that!?' Well, it's not. I thought the weights I used were congruent to what a pussy would use. Well, new found respect to those whom I thought were pussies. I could barely finish the high reps with low weights. I was dying! My trainer assured me that endurance will increase along with the muscle mass. I hope so. More muscle means more calories burned.

Anyway, my determination is high. There are things outside of the trainer that motivate me. And, by putting it out in the open here, I have to continue. Otherwise, I will be ridiculed. And, honestly, if I don't succeed, the punishment will be great. So, I can't fail.

End: Day 1

A Time for Comfort

Tonight a friend called me to wish me a Happy New Year and all of that. I could tell there was something wrong but she asked and I immediately went into how great my New Year's was and how I thought '08 was going to be this fucking awesome year and what I had planned and what my goals and aspirations were. But, I realized I was talking about myself too much and that I knew there was something wrong with her so I asked her.. what's wrong?

Her grandfather died this morning.

I felt so bad that it was all about me for the first 5 minutes of the conversation. Everything became about her and her feelings; I wanted to console and comfort, I wanted to make sure she was okay. I told her that he was in a better place and that he is no longer suffering. It was okay to be selfish in that she missed him terribly and that she couldn't let go. It was okay. We all need to be selfish once in awhile. Just grieve and be happy that you had spent those years with him. Be happy that you have those fond memories. Be happy you got to see him before he passed. We all lose someone we love. And, we'll never see them again. It's a part of life. Be thankful you had that time to spend together.

I'm really glad that she could call and get comfort from me. It feels good to be there for your friends. It reinforces the importance of friendship and that she will be my friend for life, even though she is hundreds of miles away. I am there for her as she is for me and that's just a special thing. Especially in times of loss.

Feel privileged if you have a friend like that.

OK..

Phew.. that was a long break..

Anyway.. I wanted to say one thing - NEVER, EVER forget to take your cherry Chapstick out of your pocket before doing laundry.

EVER.

A bit of advice to you all.

The new year

With the new year, I'll be taking a little break.

Check back periodically, maybe I'll put something up. But my time is going to be spent on other, more positive activities.

Happy 08.