So..

Not having a car really sucks balls. Anyone reading this crap should know - public transportation sucks ass.

I miss my car.

That Night

Depending on the perspective, it was either late in the evening or early in the morning. The light of the moon slipped through the blinds, giving everything in eye shot a pin-striped glow.

Underneath the blankets, we were still awake but only barely. I could hear the ticking of something.. the clock?.. over our whispering. In fact, I could hear the world standing still and the moonlight breaking through the windows. You were saying something to me and then you said, "if I asked, would you stay?"

In that instant, the world shifted. My world. The ticking ticked ticked ticked slower and slower. Its vibration became longer and longer, its pitch lower and lower. It was like one of those slow-motion scenes where the drop of sweat fell ever so slowly down the protagonist's face as he lost the final, epic battle. I had to think even though I knew what I was going to say. Had to say. My mouth was beginning to speak even before I had the chance to process all of the possible outcomes.

Tom Leykis be damned for that very moment.

"No," I uttered. "I can't."

The words left me before I even knew what I was doing. Deep within me, I wanted to stay. I needed to stay. Yet, the boy who wanted to be a man had to prove a point. It was a 'no' all the way round. I had to go. I couldn't stay. I couldn't be seen as weak and needy. But I wanted to. I wanted to say 'yes, I will stay' and sleep under the warm covers in that starkly cold room. I wanted to lay next to your warm body and watch you grind your teeth as you slept. I wanted the world to shift back somehow.

That night, or morning, depending upon perspective, I gathered my things and left.

Regrets....

Me vs I. Is there a difference?

I've been up late at night thinking about whether or not reincarnation is real. Part of this deals with the concepts Me and I. Are they different? Yes. They are.

At least, I think they are. It's very difficult to conceptualize this in words. However, I did start with the dictionary. Well, Dictionary.com that is.

I've cut all the superfluous crap out. For I:

–noun
3. Metaphysics . the ego.

For Me:

-pronoun
1. the objective case of I, used as a direct or indirect object: They asked me to the party. Give me your hand.

So, what do Me and I have to do with reincarnation? They, specifically, don't. It's their concepts (the ones I'm trying to articulate) that do.

You still with me? Good. More later.