I miss her.

I miss her.  Thinking about it really depresses me.  Listening to Death Cab doesn’t really help.  It reminds me of the show last year.  Where we flirted in front of her husband and he was clueless.  Where Death Cab had a great show that I didn’t particularly remember much of because I was so drunk.  My favorite song of theirs at the moment is Soul Meets Body.  

I love her.  No matter how much I abhor her actions, no matter what I think of her and her character, no matter what others or I say….  I still love her.  Yet, no matter what I would have done to show her that, she would have left anyway.  I could have given her dozens of children, hundreds of houses and given her every piece of Tiffany jewelry on earth and I think she would have still left.  

The last thing she said to me before we hung up the phone was, “I hope you figure out what you want in life.”  I just said that I already did.  

And I do.

I want to be happy, with a family who respects me and reveres me, a career that fulfills me and a lifestyle that’s not too extravagant or humble.  I think I want a daughter.  I’d like that.  I’d give her my mother’s name.

I think she’d like that.