Things I Think About Each Day

I think about many things each day. I'm always thinking. I'm always analyzing. I'm always looking at things in unique ways. It is only due to my limited intelligence that I sometimes have trouble articulating them. That's something I need to work on.

Anyway..

What is on my mind on a given day

Religion vs spirituality vs god

I think about god a lot. For an atheist, I think about god and the existence of something greater too much. To be honest, I wish there was a higher power. It would make life so much easier to relinquish some of my personal responsibility to a deity. It would make it easier because I could then think that god had a lot to do with the way things are in life, that things happen for a reason, that there is a destiny, a fate. I could get a little bit of extra comfort knowing that my personal savior is listening to my prayers and, though they're never answered, at least he's listening. And, as long as I live in a lifestyle that is somewhat respectable to god, I'll receive my rewards after I die. Something to look forward to.

So, which deity do I believe in? I mean, there must be as many deities or varieties of the same one as there are people on this planet. There are groups who believe in a vengeful god. One may believe in a loving god. Another will believe that their god hates fags. Guess what - they all believe in the same god. How does that happen? Then, what about all the other deities that exist? What if the Abrahamic god is the wrong one? Should I carry a religious trinket for every religion and deity out there? I better bring a small mini-van with me everywhere I go. Anyway, this isn't about me dogging on religion. I respect people who believe in something higher. Sometimes I'm even envious that I cannot succumb to that lower level of thought. Yes, I believe that believing in a deity is archaic and ignorant. We've been shown that what was once believed to be god-made has a much simpler explanation. But, if it makes you happier and more fulfilled, great. I'm happy for you.

Obviously, though, I have issues with this. If I didn't I wouldn't be thinking about it. Like I said, I wish there was a god. But, I also wish there was a Santa Claus and a Fountain of Youth. Nothing will convince me there is a god. Nothing short of god himself appearing before me and crapping lightning bolts will change my mind. But what about spirituality? Is spirituality exclusive to religious belief? I don't think so. And I'm coming to the realization that this is something I need in my life. And I'm going about it in a way that's good for me.

One thing though.. have faith in yourself. We control our own destiny. When you visualize, conceptualize, and bring it to fruition, nothing or no one but you did it. Don't have faith that the Universe (or a higher power) is helping you. You're your higher power. The human mind works in such powerful and wonderful ways. You are what helps you, pushes you, causes things to materialize for you. The Universe may be larger than us and we're definitely a part of it, but it certainly isn't helping us. God says he helps those that help themselves. If they help themselves, what the fuck do they need god for?


The universe, the earth and us

I was thinking about it this morning, actually.. The universe is somewhere around 13 BILLION (yes, Billion) years old, give or take a few hundred million years. The earth is around 4.6 Billion. But, that's not what I am occupying my precious time with. I was thinking about what was beyond the edge of the universe. I mean, is there a barrier there that says "Bridge Out" or some sort of wall? In the film MEN IN BLACK, there was a trinket worn by a cat that had a whole universe in it. Sometimes, I think we're just in a petree dish in some laboratory somewhere and we're just the germs on a speck in a vacuum. And, that 14B Years is actually 14 milliseconds and that once we get to 1 second our universe will fall apart and the experiment will be over. But, for us, 1000 milliseconds is forever.

Sex

It's been hard. I've been thinking about sex so much lately, more so than normal (and normal is a lot.. check out this link if you wanna know). I guess it's because I had a taste and then it was gone. And I wanted more. But how do you approach the subject when you have to tiptoe about it? When you shouldn't be so.. I dunno.. mechanical? Any normal person responds appropriately. Oh well.. It is what it is. I guess some things aren't a turn on. I'll make note of that for the next one.


Self-Improvement

This ongoing process is just awesome. Sometimes, I have to just stop and realize how much I've changed. Though I've hit some setbacks, they're just bumps in the road. I'm still working on confidence issues as well but after having a two hour argument with my roommate, I feel my confidence level has gotten a little higher. But, I digress. It's still in progress. I just have to realize the uselessness of being envious and jealous. Being envious of other peoples' accomplishments only takes away from our own. Being jealous is simply stupid. It's a sign of insecurity and a lack of confidence. Why should I be jealous of others? Who cares? I know who I am, what my strengths and weaknesses are and I know what I have to offer. If someone isn't into me, it's not my issue. Shit happens. Move on.

There are other things I think about but they're not for me to discuss. And they're not worth discussing anyway. Besides, no one ever talks about speedbumps unless they break something. These are pretty minor.