Hmm..

So I get this call out of the blue from someone I hadn't seen in months. When I was doing temp work, before I started with the job I have now, I worked at this marketing firm. There I met this woman who was really funny and kind of cute but, at the time, I was still hung up on someone else.

I think, for once, I'm taking advantage of an opportunity. I know why she called. At least I'm going to assume that and.. when I set up our date in the coming week, it's going to end up with me getting some.

She ain't relationship material. She knows it, I know it and there's nothing wrong with that. And I'm over being the nice guy.

Maybe I'm bragging...

Or maybe I just like the vid.. I don't know..

I'm not in it, nor did I produce it but.. I have something to do with it... somehow..

Belladonna.. Pornstar..

Give it a rest, women.

I listened to Hillary Clinton's exit speech this morning. I commend her for being such a strong, independent, courageous woman who pushed the limits of what women think they're capable of. She is a woman I believe could run this country and I would vote for her if the choice were between her and McCain. And, not that I think Barack isn't any less talented, I would have chosen her over him as well because I think she has what it takes.

And yet, she says there is a glass ceiling for women, albeit with "18 million cracks" thanks to her women supporters.

I am at wit's end with this whole "women don't have the same opportunities as men" bullshit. Yes. They. Do. If they didn't, we wouldn't have seen Hillary get this far, if anywhere at all. We wouldn't have seen the many women make it as far as they have in their careers. We wouldn't have seen the suffragettes have their say. We wouldn't have seen women in history like Isabella Baumfree (Sojourner Truth), Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Amelia Earhart, Georgia O'Keefe, Rosa Parks, Billie Jean King, Gloria Steinem, Gloria Allred and countless other women who not only fought for themselves and for their causes, they fought for the women after them to have it better. But what did they do that stood them apart from other women? They fought harder, longer and more diligently to get where they got. They made an effort that was extraordinary.

Most people who succeed do so because their drive is stronger, their effort is higher, their need is greater than the average person. These women who made it are the same. I believe women have set limits on themselves because they believe, in this "patriarchal" society, that men have all the say and that men set the rules. Men have been in that position because we were placed in that position from the get go. It is what it is. We didn't limit women. They did.

If you believe there is a glass ceiling, there is a glass ceiling. And the proof is in the pudding when there are women blasting through that so-called ceiling all the time. Guess what? It shows that, really, there isn't one. You just want to make fucking excuses because you wanted it handed to you instead of going out after it. Even the feminists out there have made it because they fought hard to get it. Men fight for their shit all the time. It isn't any easier for us because we're men. In fact, the challenge is harder because many women still believe we need to pull them up with us. Fuck that bullshit. Pull your own weight up. No one is stopping you - you're perfectly capable of doing it on your own.

This mindset that women are inferior to men is a stigma you place on yourselves. You perceive it, so you believe it. Now you're fighting to abolish it when, in reality, it was never there. There are plenty of women who have "made it". It may have been a harder fight for them, in this "male dominated world", but they did it.

So what the fuck is stopping the rest of you to do what women before you have done (and, in turn, making it easier for women today to do it themselves)?

Fuck the feminists. Your time has come and gone. Get with the picture and stop complaining and start doing. Your glass ceiling is self-created. Stop thinking it's there and it will disappear.

So, Senator Clinton, there aren't 18 million cracks in your glass ceiling because, frankly, there is no ceiling at all.

And before anyone even think it, I'm not misogynistic, a sexist or a male chauvinist. So fuck you if you think I am.

Overdue Haiku

Periodically

One trips over mistakes made

Get up and go

Two less eyes look on

Relief rebounding

But only on the outside

Obliterated

Looking within for answers

Nothing is real

Her shadow cast itself

Across a dreary landscape

Formidable foe

Textbook catchphrases

It's all tongue and cheek bullshit

Gullible retards

Leaf Cuisine

Found a great place called Leaf in Culver City, CA. It's a "raw" eatery. No meat, no dairy, no animal products, period. Food was very tasty. A friend hipped me to the joint.

Their food is all natural, vegatarian fare. They've a wakame dish that's rather nice. And they have some nifty smoothies as well.

If you're ever in the area, give it a try. Check them out at www.leafcuisine.com.

Being a little "Grey".

I am a sensitive man. Sometimes, too sensitive. It is a gift and a curse. A gift because I can feel things that others cannot. I know things others fail to perceive. I understand things others cannot or do not comprehend. Unfortunately, for me, this curse of sensitivity causes a pain that no one can understand. Even those who are (as) sensitive cannot know the anguish I often experience - it's different for everyone. It is a detriment that I wish I could cut out with a dull spoon.

As I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight (it was the season finale), I realized a few things. It is better than chocolate. It is better than any show I currently watch (and that includes Heroes); it is better than those shitty reality shows that plague the airwaves; it is better than everything. It is my favourite show and I am happy to say that it rips apart my fragile emotions. It reminds me of things that are important to me. Yes, even television shows can be useful and educational, if even to ourselves. They may not cure cancer, save humanity or even bandage a boo boo but they are useful.

The word 'extraordinary' was tossed about in the show and I changed my profile to reflect how I feel about myself. Tonight's episode reminded me that I am extraordinary, just as Grey is. And you may laugh at that. You may even find me a bit mad or just a tad off my rocker. But who cares what you think? I certainly don't. I'm too involved with myself at the moment to care.

I am a sensitive man. And an extraordinary man. And Grey's Anatomy is one kickass show. And whatever you have to say, positive or otherwise, doesn't matter because the only thing that matters is what I say or think. To me.

Wow..

I'm finally finished with my first ever online college course. I don't know if I ever want to take an 8 week online course again.... especially an English course.

I think I did pretty well.. I finished it.. that's pretty good, right? I ended up missing one essay and another assignment. I'm not perfect, just close to it. ;-) Yeah, but.. the small assignments are where the points are at and I did pretty well throughout -- I always managed to do better than the average, except for a few. I'm glad it's finally done. Short classes are pretty hard, especially when you wait until the day the assignments are due to actually do them. I guess that's what makes it a challenge. And boy.. was I challenged. It was actually a good class.. with an idealistic instructor. Gotta love them. I think instructors should keep their views out of the class. Don't get me wrong, I really liked my instructor. I think she was really cool, unique and well-intentioned. She got me to think a lot. Sorta reminded me of someone I once knew. But, please.. keep the liberal, unrealistic ideology out. Unless it's a philosophy class.. then we can discuss. I can't wait to take one of those. Off-topic.

Wait. I'm liberal. But.. Still. Zip it. :-) Damn it! Where's my KPFK sticker?? Anyway..

On to other things.

My half-brother was in town. He lives in London and came to the States for a wee visit. We hung out a few of the days he was here. Went and saw the grandparents, had dinner, some drinks. It's weird to try and relate to someone I never grew up with, never knew until pretty much last year. I mean.. I want to know him, but.. I'm not going to die if I don't, ya know? But he and I had these really interesting, deep conversations. The man is insanely smart. It runs in the genes, I guess.


Stand up comedy.. yeah.. tonight was awesome! Some nights, I just hit the mark.. Most nights, I can't even hit the side of the earth.

I'm thinking about taking an improv class. A co-worker of mine's brother-in-law is an improv teacher. He teaches at UCLA, in fact. Despite that flaw (I come from a family that all either went to SC or has something to do with the school.. so FIGHT ON!), I think I'll have to check him out.

Nothing exists

I was thinking about it and.. reality is nothing exists. Time doesn't exist. Rules don't exist. Nothing.

Think about it sometime.

..Oh..

And M, I'll have a purity test up sometime soon. I've been too busy.. Finals, ya know. :)

In case you're wondering...

I found a wonderful YouTube video with many quotes from atheists (and some deists). This was one of my favorites:

"It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." --Carl Sagan


In case you're wondering.. Yes, I am.

PS: Micki from Mickipedia.com is not only an atheist, she is hot. And brilliant!

Seriously..

I'm trying to figure out what I can do to contribute to social change.

"Have blog. Will comment."

Until now, I've just commented, ranted, bitched, moaned, whined, complained about things. I've probably written a thing or two that has probably made someone think (while others just got angry. Oh well.). But it isn't enough.

What I should be doing is asking questions and offering solutions to common, everyday issues. Or, maybe offering tidbits on what one can do to buck the system. Sometimes, throwing monkey wrenches willy nilly can be good, too. But, I wouldn't suggest doing what people from Earth First! do. It may be a Hummer, but it's somebody's Hummer. Burning a dealership full of them doesn't solve a thing. It just pisses the wrong people off and pollutes the air (all that fire and stuff, ya know).

What I should be doing... Let me rephrase. What I COULD be doing. Should is the wrong word.

Ok. I'm over it now. Social change will occur with or without me. But, if someone has a good cause, contact me. I'm up for jumping someone else's train.

Oh.. my gawd!

My tagline for this blog is..

"Sometimes you just gotta say.. WTF?"

And I'm saying that now.. What the fuck?!

I had made a comment about my 1000 words of bullshit. And after seeing the grade, I have to say.. what the fuck?

I nearly fell over in disbelief. 86 / 100. WTF?

An essay that took me less than 3 hours to hastily research, write and submit. I have to tell ya.. I'm absolutely astonished that I didn't get a grade worse than that. I should have failed. Really. I'm telling you - I'm not very impressed with my own essay. It's.. terrible!

I am complaining that I got a good grade because, honestly, I don't think I deserve it.

I think I'm in shock.

Anyway.. it is what it is. I still have another essay to write.. one on stereotypes. The premise is a little hard and I'm finding it difficult to articulate what it is I want to express. This one will be a challenge.

On to other notes..

I'm in something called the Ultimate Laugh Down which is coming up next week. And I need to write my material, practice and practice some more. I've decided that I need to be more edgy. I'm a pissed off guy who has rather off-beat opinions.. and they're full of fallacies, even. I like that about my shit.. They're logically questionable, but people don't give a shit as long as they agree. Let's face it - no one really cares about my sensitivity jokes, the gay shit or even the clever wit. And they certainly don't care about the lack of confidence I've been having (due to my not practicing or knowing my material to the best of my ability). My workshop instructor says that I need to explore the stuff that really pisses me off, the stuff that I am passionately displeased with (which is almost everything these days). I'm uncomfortable talking about these things and, frankly, I don't want to be judged. But, at the same time, it's fodder that can make people laugh. And they can relate. So, I'm going to start writing about it. And I'm going to see where it takes me because the sensitive, nice guy bullshit needs to stop and because no one.. NO ONE... deserves my compassion. NO ONE deserves my kindness. No one but me, anyway. And maybe a few select people. It's how it has to be. No one likes a pussy. And it's unfortunate because it's a stereotype I seem to be all too familiar with.

Geez..

You know.. It feels awesome when your English instructor uses a paragraph you wrote (amongst others') as an example of what TO DO when following an assignment (I must say, my paragraph was the best out of the 4.. but I'm being biased. I prolly woulda got a perfect score had I not forgotten to use a title).

What sucks is that I did very poorly on the fallacies quiz and I know I totally fucked up my essay -- the subject being: why does our society continue to maintain the standard that women be thin to be attractive all the while we continue to become fatter as a society (paraphrasing, of course). I have an opinion on this, and I read many sources AND I used the ones the instructor laid out for us. Yet, I was hasty and lazy and didn't do the essay until the last moment and coupled with the fact that I wanted to go out that night, I wrote 1,000 words of bullshit nonsense. So ill-prepared and so unfocused.

I can, however, sum it up in just a few words.. it's because our society is fucked up beyond measure. That's why.

On another note - stay tuned. I had this great idea for a new story that I want to write. It'll be brilliant. Really.

I'm not saying anything..

The following photograph was forwarded to me by a co-worker. Now, I'm not saying anything about it, nor shall I make a commentary. I am merely posting it to say that I think it is rather amusing. I don't believe that it's been Photoshopped in any way and is just a freak accident.

(come to think of it, I BET the photographer did it on purpose)

So much...

As we wave goodbye to Earth Day (I guess it is two words), I must admit.. my set tonight would have been funnier had more people been in the audience to hear it.. because my Earth Day shit woulda killed. It's like that joke.. if a tree falls in the forest, is it still funny? Okay, so I embellished a bit there. Sue me. Fucker.

A few things.. Tonight was nice. I used a little liquid courage to get up on stage to do my bit. Yeah, I drank a few beers. Not enough to make me slur or anything.. It's not like I've gotten terribly drunk in the last 4 months. I've been good. I'm an emotional drinker anyway.. and those that know me know.. I'm emotional. But it helped and I think I was funnier than the last two times I've been up so, I can't complain.

Anyway, tonight. I was on later in the evening so most of the people had already left. They're all a bunch of comics anyway, those stupid pricks. I stayed for their sets, at least they could do the same and stay for mine. I applaud those that stayed the entire night. All four of them. And they were on after me so they had to stay [laugh]. No, there were a few more. But I had a great time. I was much more in the zone than last week.

Being a wanabe comic is intense. That and the logic and critical thinking class has, well.. completely fucked me up mentally. I don't know where the fuck to take my train of thought. I might as well derail the thing [ahh hahaha.. derail.. train.. get it? A joke! ........Fuck you.]

I need more stage time to get used to being in front of people. I don't know why. I've done presentations for old people about MediCare. I should be able to do anything. I digress.

On another note... which is much more serious...

A friend of mine lost a parent recently. My heart goes out to her and I can relate because I lost a parent the same way -- to cancer. And it's a terrible thing to watch someone you care for slowly fade away. You think, in those last few days, there'd be a few more and suddenly, they're gone. Gone to a better place, a place where they feel no more pain, no more suffering. Where ever they may be, it's better than here. But not for us. Not initially. Because now our pain is bad and we wish we had just one more day, hour, minute. Just one more.

It will get better. I promise. I'm sure your memories are better than what I have of my parent so relish them. Wrap yourself within them and be happy. And, remember, she lives on within you. As you are a part of her, she is a part of you. Never forget that. She will always be with you.

You had never before mentioned your belief in god to me and after she had passed you had given me some words to ponder. Though I cannot walk down the path you had gestured to me, I am still humbled by it and by the fact that your mother cared enough to think of me. And that you cared enough to share. Thank you.

Yay! It's Earthday!

So celebrate by cutting down a tree!

And driving your SUV through Central Park.

And buying CO2 credits so you can create more pollution. Like Al Gore does.

Happy Earthday everyone!

[insert stupid title here]

Hanging out with two drunk guys where one ends up taking a cab home cos he's ripped beyond recognition is not cool.

But the bar we went to was, even if I felt out of place in my suit.

You learn a lot talking to a drunk guy - one that pees freely in public places, with his dick out for everyone (including myself) to see. The only time I've ever done something like that was to show off my piercing to everyone at a party.

Yes, I was drunk.

No, I didn't get laid.

Such is life.

Today's gonna suck... what with 4 hours of sleep to be had and all.

Not even funny..

Some guy like.. killed himself at the high school I attended. Hanged himself on some fence. He didn't even go there, from what I understand. Just decided to drive on out from an adjacent city..

Fucker.

Now I need to find another school to desecrate. Can't do my Alma mater now. Just wouldn't be original, ya know??

Yes, I'm looking for a therapist.

An 88 on my first essay. I could have done better.. had I spent more than 2 hours preparing and writing it. Next essay I'll spend 4 hours. Gotta take it more seriously.

Seriously.. I'm looking for a new therapist. I swear to god.. no one is worth opening up to anymore unless I pay them to hear my shit. and right now I'm very much in need of unloading.

okay.. enough of my babble.. go on.. nothing to see here.. shew.

Sigh

So... did the taxes today.. Getting a good return. That's always nice. But that isn't the reason for this day's posting.

I was listening to NPR as I was getting something to munch on and this woman was interviewing her Born Again brother. She, of course, was a secular Jew who, I think, was a feminist lesbian. That's what she eluded to. Interesting. I often wonder.. is being a secular anything an oxymoron? I digress.

Anyway, as I was listening to this guy (who, by the way, simply pissed me off with his way of thinking.. but it isn't for me to judge. It's his life, not mine), it got me to thinking about god, not that it takes a lot for me to think about the subject. I often think about a higher power and its existence. Call it a hobby.

I was thinking about how we do think about this... higher power. My belief system tells me that one doesn't exist. But, it doesn't change the fact that I wish there was one. I'm not alone on this. I know plenty other atheists who wish there was a god character in the proverbial heavens. I wish that we weren't alone in the spiritual world and I wish there was a guiding light, if you will, to help us through this mortal coil. But, simply put, there isn't. We can look up to the skies above (I won't say heavens. There would have been an inappropriate irony there) and see the stars and planets and bodies of planetary clusters and just wonder what life is teaming out there. But, out of that teaming life there isn't one specific life form that transcends others; it isn't the one that calls itself god. Nor is it the one we, as a society, worship. We are all just molecular specks to this thing called the universe. It's like being an atomic particle in an elephant. That's what we are, essentially.

The real point I want to make though is that, while I'm sitting here wishing deep down within the cockles of my being that there was a god figure on the fringes of the universe, I think those who are god believers are, too. Deep down, you as a follower know there isn't a god. You're simply going on faith and hope, knowing that we're all alone, leaderless. Godless. We are simply on this big rock swirling through the galaxy going along for the ride.

Believe me, there are things I hope for.. and have faith that they'll one day come to fruition. Unfortunately, I know that they never will, no matter how much I pray, stay positive or ask the Universe. It just ain't gonna happen.

But hey.. at least it's a beautiful summer like day. It's fucking gorgeous. And that's something to be thankful for.

Two weeks down.. 7 More to go

Doing research papers is a bitch.

One thing I found though is that I'm amazingly UNFOCUSED. I need to do something about getting more focused, learning to get to the point faster and staying on topic. It's just not right.. Like I said, I love tangents.. not because I want to but because I'm not focused. It sucks.

Oh well.. Anyway, I just finished my paper on the subject of boys needing male teachers in order to learn better in schools. To break it down:

Boys learn better in an all male environment, with a male teacher.

Because classes are geared towards girls, and that ~58% of all teachers in this country are female, boys don't do as well in class as girls do. Boys are left feeling confused and left out, not to mention their "masculinity" is questioned.

Classes should be segregated into male and female classes. Of course, they should be taught the same things, just in different ways.

Unfortunately, Title IX doesn't allow this. Says it's discrimination against women.

So, boys must suffer in the woman's world of education. We don't learn the same way as women. Sorry. But to subject boys to the way girls learn is detrimental. There should be more research into this.

Maybe it's because of this that there are more women in college these days than men. Kudos.

Reflection..

I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to be John Cusack. I think the man is a great actor. But I wonder what he's like as a man. The real person. The one behind the characters, the one behind the actor. I greatly admire the actor and that alone makes me wish I were him, if not, at least, like him. But this is simply based on what I think the man is like; who I think he is. I don't know the man and I dare say I never will. But he is someone I greatly admire.

There are people out there that, no matter how much I've told them about me, no matter how much I've devulged, will never really know the real me. No one knows the real me. Some may think they do. They don't. No one does. Sometimes, I don't even know the real me. I'd like, for once, to have someone know the real me; to get to know me, to actually understand who I am and just... well... get me. I can tell you everything about me and you'd still not know me. You would only get an idea of who I am. You'd only think you know me. But you wouldn't.

Because, sometimes, I don't even know me.