Sigh

So... did the taxes today.. Getting a good return. That's always nice. But that isn't the reason for this day's posting.

I was listening to NPR as I was getting something to munch on and this woman was interviewing her Born Again brother. She, of course, was a secular Jew who, I think, was a feminist lesbian. That's what she eluded to. Interesting. I often wonder.. is being a secular anything an oxymoron? I digress.

Anyway, as I was listening to this guy (who, by the way, simply pissed me off with his way of thinking.. but it isn't for me to judge. It's his life, not mine), it got me to thinking about god, not that it takes a lot for me to think about the subject. I often think about a higher power and its existence. Call it a hobby.

I was thinking about how we do think about this... higher power. My belief system tells me that one doesn't exist. But, it doesn't change the fact that I wish there was one. I'm not alone on this. I know plenty other atheists who wish there was a god character in the proverbial heavens. I wish that we weren't alone in the spiritual world and I wish there was a guiding light, if you will, to help us through this mortal coil. But, simply put, there isn't. We can look up to the skies above (I won't say heavens. There would have been an inappropriate irony there) and see the stars and planets and bodies of planetary clusters and just wonder what life is teaming out there. But, out of that teaming life there isn't one specific life form that transcends others; it isn't the one that calls itself god. Nor is it the one we, as a society, worship. We are all just molecular specks to this thing called the universe. It's like being an atomic particle in an elephant. That's what we are, essentially.

The real point I want to make though is that, while I'm sitting here wishing deep down within the cockles of my being that there was a god figure on the fringes of the universe, I think those who are god believers are, too. Deep down, you as a follower know there isn't a god. You're simply going on faith and hope, knowing that we're all alone, leaderless. Godless. We are simply on this big rock swirling through the galaxy going along for the ride.

Believe me, there are things I hope for.. and have faith that they'll one day come to fruition. Unfortunately, I know that they never will, no matter how much I pray, stay positive or ask the Universe. It just ain't gonna happen.

But hey.. at least it's a beautiful summer like day. It's fucking gorgeous. And that's something to be thankful for.