So much...

As we wave goodbye to Earth Day (I guess it is two words), I must admit.. my set tonight would have been funnier had more people been in the audience to hear it.. because my Earth Day shit woulda killed. It's like that joke.. if a tree falls in the forest, is it still funny? Okay, so I embellished a bit there. Sue me. Fucker.

A few things.. Tonight was nice. I used a little liquid courage to get up on stage to do my bit. Yeah, I drank a few beers. Not enough to make me slur or anything.. It's not like I've gotten terribly drunk in the last 4 months. I've been good. I'm an emotional drinker anyway.. and those that know me know.. I'm emotional. But it helped and I think I was funnier than the last two times I've been up so, I can't complain.

Anyway, tonight. I was on later in the evening so most of the people had already left. They're all a bunch of comics anyway, those stupid pricks. I stayed for their sets, at least they could do the same and stay for mine. I applaud those that stayed the entire night. All four of them. And they were on after me so they had to stay [laugh]. No, there were a few more. But I had a great time. I was much more in the zone than last week.

Being a wanabe comic is intense. That and the logic and critical thinking class has, well.. completely fucked me up mentally. I don't know where the fuck to take my train of thought. I might as well derail the thing [ahh hahaha.. derail.. train.. get it? A joke! ........Fuck you.]

I need more stage time to get used to being in front of people. I don't know why. I've done presentations for old people about MediCare. I should be able to do anything. I digress.

On another note... which is much more serious...

A friend of mine lost a parent recently. My heart goes out to her and I can relate because I lost a parent the same way -- to cancer. And it's a terrible thing to watch someone you care for slowly fade away. You think, in those last few days, there'd be a few more and suddenly, they're gone. Gone to a better place, a place where they feel no more pain, no more suffering. Where ever they may be, it's better than here. But not for us. Not initially. Because now our pain is bad and we wish we had just one more day, hour, minute. Just one more.

It will get better. I promise. I'm sure your memories are better than what I have of my parent so relish them. Wrap yourself within them and be happy. And, remember, she lives on within you. As you are a part of her, she is a part of you. Never forget that. She will always be with you.

You had never before mentioned your belief in god to me and after she had passed you had given me some words to ponder. Though I cannot walk down the path you had gestured to me, I am still humbled by it and by the fact that your mother cared enough to think of me. And that you cared enough to share. Thank you.