Happy People..

I hate happy people.


Hate 'em. There's nothing redeemable about them. They're happy, boring, stationary lumps (I think I'm being figurative to the stationary lumps part). They offer nothing of value to the rest of us who are often times miserable or just barely stable (of which I am the latter). They show their happiness off like newly engaged women who show off their two-karat diamond rings that are Princess cut. Gag me.


And that glow - where do they get that glow? One can tell a happy person a mile away. They illuminate the horizon like a tracking beacon, bringing in the supertankers on their journey to safety. They ooze the stuff, stinking up the otherwise melancholy atmosphere like a silent fart; yeah, one of those deadly ones.


Happy people often don't realize what's happening. They're happy and for a reason. I usually focus on the ones that have just fallen in love, have found that "special someone" or are so ecstatic that they're alive it's painful to witness. Delusional, I think. These happy feelings often quell over time, diminishing so slowly that the person experiencing the high doesn't realize it... until it's too late.


It's not like I've never experienced "the glow" or "the feeling". It happens to everyone once or twice in their lives. People will often gravitate to me when I'm beaconing. They'll say something like, "there's something about you that's different." or "wow, you seem so happy!" or "you just got laid, didn't you?"


I like the last one. Getting laid and being happy are two different things, but they often emit the same signal. Don't be confused. Getting laid is much more temporary a feeling. It often leads to a need to get laid more and thus squelches the glow of happiness because now you aren't getting it as much as you want and you become frustrated. That isn't part of happiness. And I'm going off on a tangent.


You're probably thinking, "Steve, you're just jealous."


You're god damned right I'm jealous! I want to be happy, too. I want to be in love, have my dreams come true, have that glow.. and fucking aye, I want to get laid! But, I'm more complicated than that and in turn make things much more complicated than they really are. But that's human nature, to make things more complicated. Nothing is as complicated as it seems. Life is not complicated at all, but we make it that way.


I'm jealous of those simple-minded folk who have a one-track mind. They've accomplished something they've set out to do because they don't know any better. They get up, go to work, come home and maybe play Halo 3 on the Xbox. That's it. End of story. And in that process, they've done what they need to do. Sometimes I think that there aren't any aspirations, goals or great accomplishments needed in that. Their dreams are narrow, simple and easy. I've come to realize that this scenario is too easy for me. And it's okay, there's nothing wrong with those people and their simple lives. I don't judge. Anymore.


I used to think I was a simple guy. I'm not. Far from it. I have things going off in so many directions, it's a mystery how I even function at all. On top of that, I've got a bag of neuroses so large, I can accommodate any loon for miles. And maybe that's my problem. I'm too complicated. I make things too complicated. I'm so wound up it's not funny anymore.
Again, off on a tangent.


Happiness is attainable. I've read the works of the Dalai Lama. I've read self-help books. I know it's possible. Even without getting laid. But it's that journey I'm more interested in, that pathway that leads to the ultimate fuck. Happiness isn't the goal, it's the bi-product of being. And until I get it, I will be jealous of those who have it and bitter to the core. And while I maintain a positivity like no other, willing things to happen in my wake, I will not be satisfied until I glow, too. Damn it!