Tale of two........

Before I became involved with my ex, there was another that I was absolutely infatuated with. She was the one I was trying so hard to hook up with. It sounds wrong, but while I was sleeping with one, I was chasing the other. It was a very messed up situation. Then, that moment came that the other said she was interested in getting together and I was ecstatic. I told the ex that I had to break it off because there was a chance that the one I really wanted was interested. It was an awkward experience.

Fast forward to today. The one I chased for sooo long was back. She moved back to Colorado a good six months ago but she was in town visiting. She looked so good. So many memories and feelings flooded me. We talked about the ex because she knew about the whole thing and all I could do was apologise and feel bad.

I didn’t mention that, when she left, I pretty much burned a bridge with her. But, I apologised and I continue to apologise and I always will with what I had said to her. I can never make it up because I was an asshole for what I said and it hurts so much to watch the tears fall from her eyes.

If I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t. It wasn’t worth the pain, heartache and the disrespect that I have gone through, no matter how much love I received, no matter how much sex I had. It wasn’t worth the hurt I brought to the other. It wasn’t worth what I go through now; despite the healing I’ve gained.

To Pam:

Though I love and fell in love with you, you are the mistake that will take me a lifetime to rectify. You are a regret that will always remind me. You are the disappointment that will always haunt me.

To Joy:

You are the one that will always elude me. You are the one that killed me. You are the one that I let get away when I was bent on making a shallow relationship work. Your memory will forever humble me. I will always be sorry.

Maybe one day I will be normal again. If not, there’s always the next life.