Back from NY.. unfortunately.

I was just in New York for the weekend.  It was an interesting trip.  I went with a friend who is important in the jazz scene and I had to meet with a few publicists myself (I publish a small indie movie mag).  

The trip was enjoyable, except for the walking and the hotel room.  The hotel itself was pretty cool but if you can imagine a room slightly bigger than a queen-sized bed… well, that’s how cozy it was. And we figured it would be easier to just take the subway.

New York is an amazing place.  The hustle and bustle of the city… the people walking everywhere… the taxi-to-personal car ratio… It was astounding.  The pace of the city can overwhelm anyone.  I’m from LA, where the pace is fast but NY blows it away by leaps and bounds.  You can hit 3 or 4 clubs in a night to see different shows.  Can’t do that in LA.  Last call is at, like, 6am.  If you wanted to, you can hop to a dozen clubs, see half a dozen shows and be drunk until you have to get up for work the next day.  I was rather surprised that places were bumping on a Thursday night!  Again, very un-LA.  

Plus, the fact that we were comp’d at every show saved a ton of money.  At least $300 in covers alone.  

If I were younger and out of debt, I’d seriously consider a move there.  

The sucky thing was that everything reminded me of the ex.  EVERYTHING.  Being near all of the fancy shops and things in Manhattan, I was reminded of her tastes (Coach, Tiffany, etc etc), how fun it would have been to have her with me.  To run around Manhattan with the woman you love would probably be the ultimate vacation.  

The one thing that I was reminded the most while in NY was the vacation the ex and her husband had to NY.  They had attended a wedding.  One night, the hubby got all drunk and admitted to the ex that he thinks he may be gay.  This is one of the most pivotal moments in my ex’s relationship with her husband.  Being drunk allows us to be more uninhibited, allowing true feelings and thoughts to come forth.  We’ll be more brazen with our conversations because we won’t care or we’ll talk about things we wouldn’t normally talk about.  

This, besides the gay porn she found on his computer so long ago, allows me to believe he actually is gay.  That he is hiding it and that no matter how much he tries in this relationship, he’ll always be gay.  

There’s nothing wrong with being gay.  I respect their lifestyle.  No one chooses it, just like no one chooses eye or hair color.  But, some people just don’t accept it (just like eye and hair color).  Right now, he can’t accept it.  I truly believe that.  And, I think he never will.  

Hell… I still miss her terribly.  Maybe I’ll never get over her.  This is what I’m so afraid of.  I wish I were Vulcan.