Downsizing is in the air

Downsizing is in the air.

First, Ford.  Then Daimler-Chrysler.  Now, the little company I work for.

The industry I work in has been comfortable for many years.  The company I work for dominated it for as long as I can remember.  Unfortunately, that is no longer the case.  Now, with digital imaging and the way it’s grown exponentially, our place as Top Dog has eroded.

So, voluntary resignations are being taken, with the hope that those of us who sacrifice ourselves for the greater good of the company will allow those who decide to take the risk of staying will get to stay for the long-term.

I am one of those that is seriously considering the act of goodwill.  

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t just up and quit for the good of my company-kind.  That would be most stupid of me.  A job, no matter how long it may last, is still a job and money is much needed in my life.  That’s why the severance package my company is offering is so attractive.

19 weeks pay.
$5,000 on top of that.
Accrued vacation and sick pay.
Plus, I get laid-off status, which will allow me to collect unemployment.

So, I can go on unemployment, collect 19 weeks worth of pay and slowly look for a job.  Fortunately, I have a side gig.  That gig is producing a indie movie zine.  Yes, I’m in the publishing business.  

With the advertising we generate, the money is slowly coming in.  Not as fast as I’d like but it’s coming in.  But, because of my full-time gig, I can’t put in as much time in the mag as I’d like so this would afford me that.

And, I’m going to start school soon.  If I start school, I can use the five grand for that, plus the government loans and stuff.  It would allow me to stop paying for the school loans I currently have as they’d become deferred again… which is good because I just don’t see the need to pay off my school loans just yet.  Not that they’re outrageous or anything.  

This is a dead-end job.  What with my reputation as a homewrecker and the fact that I’ve done some pretty stupid things in my tenure… I have nowhere else to go here.  I’ve even been told by management that my name has a great stigma attached to it… so what’s keeping me here?  

The fear of change is, of course, there.  The fear of losing security is also present.  But, the opportunity to go back to school, expand my zine and become a self-sufficient man is also very appealing.  I just don’t do well in the corporate world.  I no longer work well with stupid management not knowing what the fuck they’re talking about.  Talking to someone who’s talking out their ass is really disturbing.

It’s time to move on.  Things are happening in the world and they’re not waiting for me to catch up.  I need to grab on now before I’m too far back and not able to get with it.  

And another good reason – the ex’s husband still works here.  Though I haven’t seen or run into him in the last so many months, the chance is still there that it will happen.  I just can’t stand him.  In fact, it would take all the strength I have to just not kick him in the balls or something.  

This is not good.

So, severance package here I come.  It’ll be so nice to be able to wake up and not have to go anywhere.

On a side note –

The ex is no longer a concern for me.  I believe her to be pregnant now (don’t ask me how I know).  This concludes the roller coaster that was my pining over her.  I’ve lost all respect for her.  I’ve lost all affection for her.  Now… it’s just resentment, regret and pity.  To have a child in the midst of a relationship such as theirs is like reaching for straws while sinking in quicksand.  Say you get one.. yeah, you’ll be able to breath a bit but what happens when you sink further?  It’s sad that, in order to keep that relationship going, they would have to hurry to that point without so much as a glance at all the other problems they have with themselves and their marriage.  Oh how their misery will be forever.  

And their misery will not be mine.  

I think that this is just fine.  Just fine indeed.