A slow journey

I tell myself everyday that I need to forget.  But my mind does not want to just yet.  I am going though inner turmoil because my consciousness and my brain are on two different wavelengths (figuratively).

It makes me sad.  The angrier I get the more I want to die.  

And I’ve been excessively angry these past few days.  

The more I feel used, lied to and taken advantage of, the more I just want to either fuck them over somehow or just die.  

Loss takes you through some pretty fucked up feelings.  It’s an emotional roller coaster I never want to experience again for a while.  I believe that not everyone has ever felt this way.  Be it through a loss of a loved one, a loss of a true love, whatever, only those that have truly lost know how I feel.  

The dark places I’ve been included the thoughts of suicide.  It’s not just over a woman.  It’s over a woman I gave myself to and ended up losing myself after she left.

So, when people say I should just let go and move on have never lost on this level.  So, until you have been my shoes, you’ll never understand what it means to have truly lost.  Regardless of the level of deceit she managed to attain, I still loved her.

And this is why I am so angry.  

All I can say is that I hope to see her in hell.