I miss my kittens.

I miss my kittens. Two white little kittens. Bella and Sebastian. That’s what their names are. The cutest things, I tell you.



When it comes down to it, the feeling of missing my cats is far more overwhelming than missing my ex-girlfriend. Sure, the feelings of loneliness arise at times but the heat of anger and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to kick and scream overtakes any feelings of missing her that I had.

But the need to see my cats is great. I often think of them. They were such a joy to play with. So cute and loving. I miss them terribly.

I’m a bitter man.

I hate her. Though it’s not surprising that this whole thing happened, it still astonishes me that I’m in the position that I’m in. A woman who leaves her husband because she is unhappy with him to be with me only to leave me to go back to him. Going back to him after a year. First of all, it’s mind-boggling that he’d continue to take her back after each and every foray we go through but for her to flip flop from me to him (and back a few dozen times) because she can’t fucking make up her mind. Oh MY GOD! It’s something that drives me absolutely insane.

I dwell too much, I know. But, I feel as though this whole thing leaves me in a place where there is no closure. How do I move on if I don’t think there’s closure?

I don’t want to call her. I shouldn’t be the one calling her. She needs to call me.

We were together two weeks ago. Yet she was already planning to be with her husband. This is what troubles me the most. And before this she tells me she can’t be without me. What’s that all about? Though her pattern is to always run back to him, the flipside to that is that after a bit of time she runs back to me. I told her that this time she has no path back. It’s not going to happen again. How can it?

The trust is gone.

She has betrayed me once too many times. Walked all over me and took me for granted when the world didn’t tilt her way.

Yet, I question myself all the time.

Why do I put up with her shit? Why do I love her so? What makes her so special to me?

I don’t know. Really. I don’t.