Can Love Give You Withdrawals??

As I was writing an email to a friend I realized that I was kinda going through withdrawals.  Not from any substance, mind you, but from being with a person.  I guess a relationship is like a drug that you can become accustomed to; even addicted.  I was addicted.  This relationship meant everything to me.  She meant everything to me.  I don’t know why.  
She wasn’t all that pretty.  I mean, I thought she was good for me.  I didn’t care that she had a funny nose or that she was getting fat.  It’s not like I’m a looker either.  I’ve let myself go, unfortunately.  I didn’t care that she didn’t wear makeup or always fix her hair.  I didn’t care what she wore out or how she presented herself.  I just cared that she was with me.  

I was never embarrassed or worried.  She wasn’t perfect.  But she was for me.  

I guess, when people ask me why I loved her so much, I’ll have a reason to give them.  It’s not like her neurotic behavior or depression won her brownie points with me.  Nor did her sometimes judgmental, often ignorant accusations and outrageous statements about stupid things.  I loved her because she made me think.  She drove me crazy but she made me feel good about myself.  And she cared about me and loved me for who I was.  But I’m not first in her heart.  And that hurts.

Her downfall is her running away from all of her fears.  That’s the only thing that worries me – she’ll run away from her dreams and pleasures because her fears stand in the way.  I wish her the best in dealing with that.

She isn’t a bad person, even if she’s ping-ponged back and forth between me and her husband.  I thought this last time was it.  I guess it wasn’t.  She has a pattern, as I’ve written before.  One day it’s him.. the next it’s me.  Then it goes back and forth..  

Not this time.

Yes, I’ll always love her.  But as I detox, life will get better.