Sigh..

I have just finished the last of my bottle of vodka. A bottle of vodka that I've had for the last year and a half. A bottle of vodka given to me by an old friend that was more than just a friend. A bottle that reminds me of things I shouldn't be thinking about. And I think about these stupid things and stupid people and stupid decisions and stupid everything. All because of this stupid bottle of vodka. And I haven't even talked to this friend in almost a year. What kind of fucking friend am I?

So, now I'm kind of buzzed. But, not enough. So, I'm going to hit the absinthe, which I won't need much of because of its potency. And I'll probably pass out from it. But not before I ramble on a bit here.

I don't care about the election. We already know who's going to win. And even if Obama doesn't win, it's not like anything would be different. Why? Because these people aren't the ones who run the country, it's the people who advise the President who run the country. Presidents come and go; advisers stay the same. There are pretty powerful people behind the scenes; the ones we don't hear about, the ones that don't want to be heard about. Obama. McCain. They're the face, maybe even half a brain. They may even be the ones who THINK they're making the decisions. But they're not. So, it doesn't matter who becomes president because it's going to be the same regardless. And it probably won't affect me either way. But I'll vote. And I'll vote neither for the GOP nor the Dems. And if you think I'm wasting my vote, then fuck you. I'm not. I'm exercising my right to vote for the candidate who best represents my interests. And if you're simply voting for a candidate because he's the lesser of two evils, then you're the one wasting your vote.

The last of the bottle of vodka is getting to me. Drinking and Grey's Anatomy don't mix.

Is this all there is? Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, do mundane shit and then go to bed? Maybe a party, maybe a function; some school thrown in to learn something and then? What the fuck am I doing here? And the live-to-the-ripe-old-age-to-55 just to see that I've wasted my fucking life? Hell, I don't need to live that long to know that my life has already been wasted.

Geeze, I should really write my friend. I'm glad she's in another country.. Otherwise, I could text her.. or call.. or better yet.. show up to her door and say.. Hey.. what's up? But I can't. There are closer people I could do that to but.. what's the point in that?

I should really write.

Ya know.. I never heard my father laugh. Not once. Not one belly laugh, not one har har.. nothing.. a smirk, maybe.. a 'heh'.. but no laugh. I don't even know what my father's laugh sounded like. I thought about this today as I laughed while enjoying a funny monologue . I laughed. Did my father's laughs sound like mine (or vice versa)? I don't know. This strikes me as terribly sad. I'm actually beside my self. It saddens me.

This rant was brought to you by the letters 'who' and 'cares'.

And the last bits of a stupid fucking bottle of vodka.