Humbled..

Firstly, I have to say I've recovered nicely from my bout of food poisoning, whether it was salmonella or not. It doesn't matter. The blood is gone as is the pain. I can now eat with comfort once again. The good thing about getting sick is that I lost 6 pounds. The bad, aside from the discomfort, is that I'll probably regain that weight within a few days.

So I was talking to my head writer this morning - he did a major production for Comic Con this year.. lots of video with interviews and such (they had the chance to meet Jennifer Connelly and I wasn't there. I must have done something wrong in a previous life. Terribly). Anyway, he's terribly proud of his work and what he's done to bring the site I command to where it's at and I dare say, he's done a fabulous job. It is because of him that I don't walk away from the project I started (I'm not too terribly interested in it. I never really was) almost five years ago. So, we were chatting on the phone this morning and, as he was telling me all that I had just summed up in this paragraph, he had imparted advice that I hear once in awhile but never really take seriously, though I know it's good advice and many seem to heed except myself. He tells me to do what I'm passionate about (he's passionate about film.... very passionate, and he thinks my passion lies on the same path as his. It doesn't). Then he goes on to tell me I should find a night job and work with him to do this more. I was unemployed for a year and a half doing it and I wasn't fulfilled. But, I know where he's coming from and it's humbling to see him doing something that he truly believes in. Something that drives and motivates him to claw his way towards his goal, his ultimate nirvana. And, he wants to bring me along on his ride. I used to think that it was I who was bringing him along with me but roles have changed and I'm now being dragged along on his coattails. And I'm cool with that.

But, he brings to me a point that seems to be a theme in my life. Do what makes you happy. Unfortunately, I've been unable to find that which makes me happy. The closest thing so far has been my official discovery of philosophy and my pursuit of higher learning in that direction. I'm sure, in time, I'll need to find a night job in order to fulfill one of my goals (it's not necessary that I share that at this moment) but that's not something I need to worry about right now. I think, and this leads me to another theme in my life, that the only thing stopping me from just doing what I should do is fear. But who isn't scared of actually chasing their dreams? Especially when one is already established (however established one is in indentured servitude, I should say) in one's life and has a level of comfort. Who wants to fuck that all up for the unknown? Most people don't. Those that do and fail should be commended and honoured. Those that do and succeed should be worshiped and treasured. They are the dreamers who make reality happen.

And I am humbled by that.