Just Another Sunday Night..

Grey’s Anatomy is probably my most favorite show on television.  It’s sad to say but I wait week to week for every Sunday to roll round just so I can see one more episode.  I watch it not because of the three hotties, Katherine Heigl, Ellen Pompeo or Sandra Oh.  Nor do I watch it because I love the work of Patrick Dempsey.  No, I watch it because it continually reminds me of my life and what had happened and, subsequently, the pain that arose from it.  

Tonight’s episode really hit.  It was one of those where you hoped that she was watching too because it would only drive the point home more.  

How does it feel to love another, whilst having the child of a man you don’t love?  How does it feel knowing that your life will always be filled with that tinge of wonder… the wonder of a life with someone else?  How does it feel to have to lie to yourself, knowing that the perfect man got away?  

I had hope.  If she had never gotten pregnant, I would still hope each and every day that she would come back to me.  That, against all possibility and probability, she would end up leaving her husband and coming to me, because he doesn’t really love her.  And she doesn’t really love him.  Hope is something you should never abandon.  But, on the same token, you should never rely on hope as it will surely fail you in the end.  

My shrink tells me that this will affect me for a long time.  Why?  Because I pretty much placed all my eggs in that basket.  I hoped and wanted so much for us to work and I had placed all of myself into her and that this won’t soon go away.  Yes, I hate her.  But hate is just another emotion, no matter how negative.  It is still undue emotion that is being spent on her.  And each and every Sunday I am reminded of that emotion as Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd dance around coyly their true feelings for one another.  That they are two people that love each other and should be together but aren’t because of circumstances.  

And what Grey’s mom had said – I wish he just had enough balls to leave… that he’d rather see her kick him out than just leave. Yeah… if only…

Yes, I love Grey’s Anatomy.  It’s a great drama.  It’s entertaining and yes, I like the cast.  I also love it because it doesn’t allow me to forget.  I like that.