First off, I’m not sexist. If I were sexist, I’d be objectifying women left and right. I’d be hootin’ and hollerin’ at women on the street, I’d be going to strip clubs and fashion shows and I’d certainly be trying my hardest to sleep with every woman I can so that I can dump them afterwards. Because, after all, aren’t women only good for one thing? [sarcasm]
Sure, I invite the typical female Tom Lykis listener to flash me on the 5 Freeway. What’s wrong with that? There are women out there that want to do it and there are men out there who want to see it. Does that hurt anyone? Does that demean anyone? No. I don’t think so. Of course, she disagrees.
Let’s focus on the points of the typical feminist, shall we?
Women are objects, mainly sexual in nature. They are treated unfairly in society. They are tools men use to get off and get far. Women should be equal in the eyes of men and their oppression should be lifted, as it is barbaric and so 17th century.
Surely, it’s more complicated than that. But, you get the idea, right?
Let’s start with how women become objects from childhood. As girls, they are told to be subservient, demure and “lady-like.” Images of frilly dresses, curly hair and Barbie dolls come to mind. As they grow older, the messages given to them are of servants to men, servants to sex and servants to fashion, make-up and looking like the aforementioned Barbie doll. It is well known that images in today’s media perpetuate the stereotype that women must look gaunt or emaciated, their skin perfect and their eyes doe-like. But, I’ll get to that later. For now, we know that women are brought up to believe that they are objects, either subliminally or directly.
They’re also brought up to take advantage of men. How? Women, for the longest time have been encouraged to look for successful men to marry. Why? Traditionally, men were the breadwinners in the home and women were the housewives. So, this idea has been passed down through the decades. It’s the American Way™. It is refreshing to learn that this trend is decreasing as we see more and more women going to college and getting their educations. In fact, more women are attending college than men. So, women are beginning to empower themselves. So, the roles will eventually reverse where the woman becomes the breadwinner and the man will stay home with the kids, if there are any kids at all.
So, why is it that women are treated so unfairly? Why is it that they’re simply looked at as objects of pleasure or whatever it is feminists claim? Well, first and foremost, it’s engrained in our society. Sure, we have the media. Television, radio and print ads continue to perpetuate the notion that women equate sex. And sex sells. But where did it start? It started with our religious texts and ideals. Surely, it doesn’t say directly in the bible that women are to be used as sex toys but it does blame women for every sin we have. Adam and Eve anyone? If it weren’t for that pesky woman eating from the Tree of Knowledge, we’d all be dancing around, naked, in the Garden of Eden (insert grandiose sigh for effect). It also states that women are second-class citizens, barely human and not in any way equal to men. Seeing that a large population of the planet is a follower of one of the Abrahamic religions, you know the view of women isn’t going to of equality. Thankfully, we live in a society that isn’t as backwards as say, Saudi Arabia (where women can’t drive, can’t show their faces and can’t do shit unless it’s in private and, even then, it may be against the law). Of course, this doesn’t explain away places like India, China, Japan and other Asian countries where, initially, the Judeo-Christian and Muslim ideals didn’t flourish, and still don’t (except India) but I think those societies saw women as inferior simply because women aren’t as strong as men, aren’t as big as men and didn’t (or couldn’t) do the work men did. We see this in nature as well, where in most species males dominate the pack, they hunt and they mate with the female of their choice and the female is left to raise the offspring.. on her own. But, that’s beyond the scope of this rant. So, I digress.
So, I touched on media and advertising. Yes, sex and thus sexism is still prevalent in today’s society. But is that the cause of sexism? We see rappers calling women “ho’s” and “bitches.” Yes, this is wrong. But who exactly is influencing whom? See, back in the early 20th century, advertising was all keen in just showing the products themselves. But, when advertisers realized that it wasn’t working anymore they began to use women in advertising. Why? Because everyone likes to look at women. Men like to look at women and, yes, so do women. I’m sure it was innocuous at first but as time went by, it became more and more sexual in nature. But why is this so? Was there sexism before the early 20th century? You betcha there was. So is advertising to blame for causing sexism? No. Well, how about rap music? Surely, the name-calling, the presentation of women in the videos and whatnot surely cause sexism today. Sure it does, but was there sexism before rap music and videos? You betcha. See, society was already sexist. Adverts and rap music and movies and television are reflecting that sexism. Unfortunately, it’s a vicious circle. Society gets it from the images they see around them and the images around them continually reflect what is seen in society. Somewhere, there has to be a break in the circle. It’s happening. More and more advertisers are using less and less sex in their ads. And women's groups and educational facilities are offering education to combat it. It’s a slow process but it’s happening. They understand that sex may sell, but it also damages.
So, is it wrong that a woman decides she wants to be a prostitute, a pornographer or a slut? After all, the message they’re given from the time they’re young to the time they’re adults is – your value simply lies in your sex. You are a woman, we only want your tits and ass.
No. It is not wrong. Because it’s a choice. (Yes, here we go again). Yes, maybe 30, 40, 50 or a 100 years ago, these choices would or could have been forced upon women. But today, there is a shift. More and more women are becoming educated, more and more women are becoming leaders and more and more women are becoming empowered. They have choices now. If they choose to be a prostitute, that is out of their own volition. If they wish to do porn, that is their choice. For whatever reason they decided to do it, it’s their choice. Are they demeaning themselves? No. Are they demeaning other women? No, because they have choices. If they choose to put themselves in a position that allows them to be objectified, that is their choice to make. Are they perpetuating sexism? Possibly, but for them it’s empowering as they are doing it on their own terms. And to say those choices are made out of ignorance and misinformation is false (and, believe it or not, there are feminists out there who believe that porn is okay because the women are taking control of their own bodies). In these times, with religious groups, women’s organizations and education, there are many outlets women can go to for information. These organizations GO to the women in need and make them understand what they’re doing. So when you ask, “well, what about the women who come from poor, troubled homes who just don’t know any better – who DON’T have a choice?” What about them? There are people out there seeking to give them help and an education. If not, that information is out there for them to be had. It’s also about personal responsibility. I had brought up a point that I’m the way that I am because I was brought up a certain way. The response was that once you know where the source of your behavior lies, you have a personal responsibility to either change it or live with it. What, does personal responsibility become waived with women who know nothing better, or that, because of their childhoods, they are exempt from personal responsibility? And, if in their minds they know it’s wrong on some level, don’t they have a responsibility to themselves, as women, to change it?
I am writing this in an angered state of mind. My thoughts are not focused and my points are probably shallow. There’s more to it than the above and I know it needs some work, I’m sure. But, I don’t think I’m sexist. Sure, I enjoy looking at beautiful women. I enjoy looking at parts of women. I enjoy the company of women. I do not, however, look at them and think that they’re only good for one thing, as Tom Lykis preaches. Behind those made-up faces, clouds of Bath and Bodyworks products and stylish clothes are people. They have thoughts, feelings, aspirations and desires. It’s unfortunate, though, that they have to take so many steps for us guys to notice them. It’s only because both men and women were brought up to behave that way.
Yes, I am dating a woman I think is hot. I am physically attracted to her. But, not for the reasons a sexist man would be. Honestly, I don’t think a sexist man would be in any way attracted to her – she is the epitome of anti-glamour, anti-makeup, anti-fashion (though she has succumbed to some of society’s nasty habits). She wears the same plain shirts, the same style jeans. And she wears sandals all the time. But why am I physically attracted to her? She has traits I’m attracted to. But she also has a quirky smile I adore. Her eyes are wide and engaging. Her hair is simple. She is tall and yes, she does have a nice ass. But when I got to know her, I became even more attracted to her. So much so that it’s sometimes overwhelming. She’s intelligent, witty, funny, sweet, thoughtful, caring and is just tack-sharp. I just adore her.
So, by the time she gets to this point (because I know she’ll be reading), she’ll be seething because I know she’ll think I just don’t get it or that I’m wrong somehow. But, honestly, are you right? Will your opinions and ideals solve the problems of women? To say what they do is wrong or that they know not what they do – is that okay? Because once you get into that territory, doesn’t that just become another form of oppression itself, to instill your values over theirs?
Oh, and this just in -- I was looking over at Postsecret.com where I found these two postcards, sent in by other readers of the blog.. They just struck me as I was writing this entry. (Sorry that I'm violating PostSecret's rules of only posting one (1) postcard to advertise that site.. but I really liked these two. I hope they understand)
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