I'm 40. OMG, REALLY?

So, it has passed. My birthday has come and gone and left me what I call the "Gift of Ages." It is the gift of middle age. I am now 40 and I am but a fraction closer to my goals as I was last year. But, this isn't really important right now. What is important is that I. am. forty. Forty. Let's say it together: four--teeeeee. No, I am not happy.

When one is young, one contemplates his or her future. At least, I think people do. We think about what we will do with our lives, how we expect our lives will be at 20, 30, 40 and so on. I thought that I would be pretty successful by my 40th birthday. Or, at least, independent and happy. But I am neither. Nor am I successful. I have a job making less than 10 dollars an hour. I justify this by saying I go to school. But I can't even get that right because I made the mistake of going to summer classes not prepared for the workload. That, with work, coupled with a shitty personal life (being an indentured servant), can take its toll on any able-bodied person.

I had this plan... to have the most awesome birthday party ever. It was to be epic. Drinking, dancing, music, drinking, friends, drinking and, well, drinking. It was going to be a party to mark the start of what people are calling the "new 20." Of course, it didn't happen. One cannot have fun in excess when there is no money to do it.

So, now I am 40, broke and kinda down and out. I see the whole Occupy WS movement going and I think to myself, I hoope it succeeds and everyone falls from grace. That way, it will be easier to be where I'm at. While I don't blame anyone else for the situation I'm in, it would be nice to have everyone at the same level so I don't feel as bad about myself as I do now.