When "I Love You" means nothing

I've said them. Those three words one says to his or her lover when those amorous feelings become apparent.

I love you.

I. Love. You.

But, I don't. Not really. At least, I don't think I do. Yet, I say them anyway. And, in a way, I mean it because... I don't know why. I mean, I care about her, I'd do almost anything for her but..

..and there's the "but".

I really don't think I'm in love with her.

I think we're playing this game with one another where we each tell each other that we love one another but we really don't mean it. There are unknown reasons why the relationship has to stay afloat and the L-word has to be used. Otherwise, everything falls apart. Unfortunately, I'm at that point where I'm not too concerned anymore how much things crumble and decay.

I hate when I've been drinking and I try to write something. It really doesn't make a bit of sense. At all.

Anyway, I'm not getting the feeling of love from her, nor am I really getting the feeling from myself. So, why am I still prolonging something that I know should die? And quickly.

Because I'm...

1) Lazy
I really don't want to end things because it's easy to maintain. Breakups involve feelings. Those feelings often get hurt. It doesn't matter whether or not people want to end the situation. Feelings will always get hurt. Even a little bit. Plus, it's easier to prolong something bad than ending it.

2) Horny
Don't judge.

3) Content
I really don't mind the situation I'm in. It's sex, companionship and the occasional dinner at a semi-decent restaurant. Even if I have to pay for it.

I've realized that I'm neither going to have a family or get married to this woman. And, every relationship I have makes me realize that maybe I want these things. But, I don't want it with the current person I'm dating. Then I'm reminded about past relationships and how they all seem to have gone on. A few are happily married, or will be married soon. One or two I wish I knew how they were doing.

Oh well. The beer has gotten the best of me. Again. One thing's for certain: it's time to start planning for the single life. It won't be immediate but, it will.. be. It's inevitable.