I CAN EAT AGAIN! YAY!

For the past month, I've been on a liquid diet. Not because I'm grossly overweight or because I broke my jaw or anything like that. Whilst on Craigslist (those fucking Nazi bitches) I saw an ad that offered money to be on this crazy diet to test whether or not capsicum extract would help bring up the metabolism. If there's anything I can appreciate, it's being given money to lose some weight.

Well, today was the last day and let me tell you -- I've never enjoyed food as much as I did today. I think I went overboard on the dessert, though. All I know is, it didn't take a lot to get me stuffed.

I noticed that I felt rather guilty eating. I guess it's because I've only known 800 calorie shakes (100 x 8 a day) for a month and changing that is changing a habit. I don't intend to eat like a fucking hog each day but today was just one of those things I needed to do in order to kind of.. well.. celebrate (okay, I cheated a few times in the last month, but those were due to the fact that, one, I didn't have anything to eat or I forgot my shakes and, two, when one exerts a lot of energy, like say.. sex, replenishing energy is of the utmost importance).

So, I'm off to rest. I am exhausted from eating and typing and.. well, getting up at 5am this morning.

Melancholy

What did I do to deserve this life?

And, where did I go wrong?

The metaphysical questions abound. But it's so much simpler than that, I presume.

I am lost, yet, I know exactly where I am. Such is a conundrum.

Just in time for Valentine's

So I've met someone. Finally, a nice woman to call upon when I need to talk or to hang out or to.. you know.. do things. We've gone on a few dates and have some things in common and she likes the sex as much as I do (not to brag because it is simply a matter of fact - my abilities are stellar).

But..

I don't think she's gotten over her last relationship yet. There is a reason for it though.. He's dead. He died rather suddenly and kind of tragically. They were engaged to be married. Now, normally, this would throw up red flags all over the place. It stinks to high rebound heaven. And yet..

I don't care.

See, I'm not looking for a serious relationship. And neither is she. I think we were both looking for the same thing: sexual gratification with the bonus of having someone to talk to, hang out with and, occasionally, to have dinner with a movie thrown in. But what's important to me the most right now is the sex.

There is an ethical question here - is it okay to be having this type of relationship with a woman who you know isn't quite emotionally free? Am I taking advantage of anything? Am I putting myself into a weird place? The answers, I do not know. Yet. I have a feeling that this will not blossom into a full relationship, though she did tell me today that she "likes" me (this is that like me, like me situation we had in high school). I guess this is where the ethical dilemma comes in - is it wrong because I don't think I'll ever "like" her?

Again, she's still getting over a relationship. I don't think she's ready to "like" another person at this time in her life. It will become one of those rebound situations. I was a rebound in my last brief relationship. That hurt me terribly. And I still often wince at the thought because I really cared about that woman (whom I still think as the "one that got away"). This time, not so much because, frankly, I need this just to get back on track for my next real relationship.

I guess that does sound bad. But, it happens. That's what life is all about. Ethical or not.