McDonalds, You Are My Foe!

McDonalds be damned. Oh, you fiend, it is not your french fries or your pathetic Big Mac. No! It's not your stupid parfait or chicken McNuggets or your worthless salads or even your health conscious fare.

It's your goddamned McRib. The McRib sandwich that has a pre-processed pork..whatever..drenched in BBQ sauce and placed between two buns with a few pickles and onions. It is this thing you call a 'sandwich' that has me fevered.

Why, you ask? Oh, I'll tell you why.

It's because it's sooo fucking good. Have you tasted one of these gems?

I, like many millions of people, avoid the Arches like the plague. They are the symbol of an obese nation, a beacon of unhealthy choices and a gateway to the land of gluttony. But it is this time of year that the satan of foods brings upon me temptation that cannot be denied.

The McRib.

Oh the juicy, processed pork. You cannot just eat one. You have to eat two. And if you're really hungry, you can probably scarf three. This must be a ploy by McDonalds. A ploy to say, "yes, I still control you. I STILL HAVE YOUR STOMACH WITHIN MY POWER." And they do. Without even a commercial (which I've now seen, by the way), we know where these delightfully forbidden morsels are and when to expect them so that we may devour them without remorse.

If I were a god-fearing man, I would pray for forgiveness. I would repent my sin.

The only thing even close to this on any scale is, of course, McDonalds' green Shamrock shakes. And Saint Patty's Day is quickly approaching.

Oh, you have once again made life unbearable. But you will crush me, like a girl with my heart who has decided that the girl she met in yoga class is the one for her. How, you may ask?

When those delicious little sandwiches cease to be sold, again, as they are only for a limited time. And once again, I will be left in withdrawl only to have to go through this again next year.

DAMN YOU McDONALDS! DAMN YOU!