Losses

I was perusing old emails and I found the ones where you and I corresponded and how you were always intellectual and always argumentative and always direct. Using big words and showing your mental superiority, you ran circles around me when it came to stringing words together to make sentences, which made paragraphs and pages. You KNEW you were smarter than me in those moments but I tried to keep up, I tried to counter; I made the effort to show you that I could grasp what you were trying to convey or at least get something you wanted me to get.

Looking back at those precious emails I am reminded of the feelings I once had for you, the feelings I now have for you and the feelings I may have for you in the future. None are them are the same. I once loved you. Now I hate you. Maybe one day I will like you for who you were, or at least, who I thought you were because you were a fraud, a fake, an actor who played me, being someone you weren't to see how I'd react. Fuck it, it doesn't matter. Certainly not to you (which angers me the most).

You are a bitch for that. A cunt. You are fucking nothing. So smart, yet so fucking stupid. Who the fuck do you think you are for doing that? What, were you so angry at something or someone or did you think you were so superior that you thought you had to prove something? Or are human emotions simply playthings to you?

For someone who wants to live a moral and ethical life - does that mean only when it suits you? Only when it matters?

Fuck. You. And go to hell.

Whatever.