Waxing nastalgic

In class today, my instructor had off-handedly mentioned something about another professor (or was it a student, I can't remember) who was one of those "liberals". He stated this person had gone to UC Berkeley ("and you know how they are") and was now going to UC Irvine - and was a Marxist to boot.. can't trust those Marxists (his words). This, on top of the brief comments on feminism had reminded me of the last girl I dated. (Sidebar: this instructor is quickly becoming one of those few that will have a significant impact on my life)

Judy was one of those liberal Berkeley chicks (whom I now realize was probably a Marxist. They mean well, but the concept just doesn't work. Marx probably didn't take into consideration the human condition and how we're all fallable, selfish individuals. I digress.). I don't fault her for that as she was amazingly intelligent (just an amazing person, really). Snobbishly intelligent. An academic.

I hate academics. (I forgive her though)

Anyway, she made me so angry because she, in a round about way, said I wasn't smart enough to entertain her intellectually. She didn't say it like that, but I'm sure she meant it that way. And, my ego was crushed. I've come to grips with this as it wasn't me who was at fault. It was her. See above (snob. academic. hate). Well, maybe it was both of us. It could be analyzed for a good long while, really. It doesn't change the fact that she's no longer in my life. A simple fact that will be like the dull pain I'll never quite pinpoint, let alone get rid of. Again, I digress.

I wanted to acknowledge that it was because of her that I went back to school. At first to show that I wasn't stupid (really, I'm not stupid. I'm rather intelligent actually, even if I do say stupid things). But it then became more about my growing interest in philosophy that drove me. I know, to many people, philosophy is a class or two one takes on one's way to his or her major. It's like what English or Science is to me; TOTALLY boring. But philosophy, man.. it just gives me a hard on. I love it. I'm giddy about it. I look forward to my classes....

...I totally tooled this woman in my ethics class. She's a retard (had to use the word 'retard'. Because the Special Olympics wants us to stop using it as a deragatory word) and I know others will be going, 'oh snap!'. Total bitch. She attacked me first. Tangent anyone?

Let's be honest - I'm almost 40 years old. Fuck. To say that out loud scares me. But I'm still very much excited about this concept that I can become learned. I still haven't ruled out a doctorate. The idea's growing on me. Maybe one day I'll be academically capable enough to entertain Judy. Maybe not. But, it's becoming less and less important as each day passes.

So, cheers to her. My first book will be dedicated to her.