Life gets stranger by the moment

Being on Facebook, it's easy to find old friends and reminisce. It's not, for me, a place to find ex-girlfriends.


Apparently, though, it's a place for them to find me. And I don't think that's cool.

So now I'm in a text-message relationship (as in - we're now talking) with a woman I dated for 2 years back in the early 90's. It's scary to know that this woman still has pictures of me and still considers me one of two guys she thinks were the 'greatest sex partners" in her life.

Fuck that shit.

This is a woman who cheated on me with my best friend. This is a woman who was emotionally cuckoo. This was a woman who's still fucking nuts in the head.

And I'm still talking to her? Holy Jesus. Let me take it all back.

I'm the one that's nucking futs.

So she's seperated from her husband. Two kids. And here she is texting me how she wants to give me a blow job. Even if it's to blow off steam on her part, it's not really something I'm into. I don't like talking dirty in real life, let alone via text message. Sidebar: And I really hate textspeak, too. D's for 'the' and N's for 'and' and all that shit. Jesus Christ, spell it out, please! Anyway, I really don't care that your marriage didn't work out. I really don't care that you may scare the guy you're sleeping with away when you tell him that you left your husband and I certainly don't care that you think I'm all that.

Why don't you focus on the original problem: you're a whore with a no attention span. If you want to fuck other guys outside your marriage, fine. But don't get me intangled into your web of deceit, your mountain of excuses and don't even think I care one iota about your situation. I don't.

Because I've been there, done that and I know it never works out in the end. And if that makes me look cold and heartless, so be it. Maybe if you were dying of some tropical disease, I might care a bit. It may even make my penis tingle. But I doubt it.

Waxing nastalgic

In class today, my instructor had off-handedly mentioned something about another professor (or was it a student, I can't remember) who was one of those "liberals". He stated this person had gone to UC Berkeley ("and you know how they are") and was now going to UC Irvine - and was a Marxist to boot.. can't trust those Marxists (his words). This, on top of the brief comments on feminism had reminded me of the last girl I dated. (Sidebar: this instructor is quickly becoming one of those few that will have a significant impact on my life)

Judy was one of those liberal Berkeley chicks (whom I now realize was probably a Marxist. They mean well, but the concept just doesn't work. Marx probably didn't take into consideration the human condition and how we're all fallable, selfish individuals. I digress.). I don't fault her for that as she was amazingly intelligent (just an amazing person, really). Snobbishly intelligent. An academic.

I hate academics. (I forgive her though)

Anyway, she made me so angry because she, in a round about way, said I wasn't smart enough to entertain her intellectually. She didn't say it like that, but I'm sure she meant it that way. And, my ego was crushed. I've come to grips with this as it wasn't me who was at fault. It was her. See above (snob. academic. hate). Well, maybe it was both of us. It could be analyzed for a good long while, really. It doesn't change the fact that she's no longer in my life. A simple fact that will be like the dull pain I'll never quite pinpoint, let alone get rid of. Again, I digress.

I wanted to acknowledge that it was because of her that I went back to school. At first to show that I wasn't stupid (really, I'm not stupid. I'm rather intelligent actually, even if I do say stupid things). But it then became more about my growing interest in philosophy that drove me. I know, to many people, philosophy is a class or two one takes on one's way to his or her major. It's like what English or Science is to me; TOTALLY boring. But philosophy, man.. it just gives me a hard on. I love it. I'm giddy about it. I look forward to my classes....

...I totally tooled this woman in my ethics class. She's a retard (had to use the word 'retard'. Because the Special Olympics wants us to stop using it as a deragatory word) and I know others will be going, 'oh snap!'. Total bitch. She attacked me first. Tangent anyone?

Let's be honest - I'm almost 40 years old. Fuck. To say that out loud scares me. But I'm still very much excited about this concept that I can become learned. I still haven't ruled out a doctorate. The idea's growing on me. Maybe one day I'll be academically capable enough to entertain Judy. Maybe not. But, it's becoming less and less important as each day passes.

So, cheers to her. My first book will be dedicated to her.

A good BJ and then....

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