Just another day.. at the bar.

So, it's another one of those days wher I am sitting at a bar, before my scheduled work shift, waiting for the time to pass and wondering, once again, why the fuck is my life so goddamned crappy?

Words fail me at this point, but the emotions are pretty true. I can't for the life me figure out how to translate them to words.

I mean, I should be kinda happy. I made up with the girl I was dating. We are now officially boyfriend/girlfriend. This is to make sure we are exclusive (I guess the reason for her seeing another guy was.. we weren't). Yeah, it's okay, I guess. I'll get over that. But what I can't get over is the home life I endure each and every day. I'm living the Dragon Mom experience with the family I rent a room from. I swear to Christ that one day I will snap and things will most definitely go nuclear in that house. It's this environment that I am forced to live in. Yes, forced. It is not a situation I can readily leave. No money, no credit, no life. It makes for a difficult transition upwards and onwards.

This makes me terribly angry. And I don't know how much longer this anger can remain in check. My priority is finishing school. The next one is getting out of that living situation. I'm beginning to wonder if my priorities are screwed up. I'm beginning to question my judgment.

So, I am sitting at this bar, waiting for my scheduled shift to start, hoping that, one day, I will get out of this alive because, if I don't, no one will.

I've never typed a blog post on my phone before. I think I will keep that to a minimum.

Sometimes, I don't understand

So, yesterday, I found out the woman I was dating was seeing someone else. Unfortunately, I had to find out by snooping through her new phone. She had passed out drunk and I took the opportunity to check my gut feeling on the matter. And, my gut was right.

Now, I know it was wrong to look through her phone, but she would've never found out had I not found anything incriminating. Of course, it was the first thing she said when I confronted her about it -- "I can't believe you snooped through my phone!"

Yeah? Well, I can't believe you're fucking some coke-head Mexican from your job!

I think the most shocking aspect was the pic on her phone of her with this huge hickey. I mean, it's something more than I would have ever given her, even on purpose. It seemed she was real proud of it, too.

What I don't understand about this situation is.. why the fuck would one keep one guy strung along while nurturing a new relationship? I mean, regardless of the fact that she wasn't interested in exclusivity, shouldn't she be so inclined to let me know this? And, shouldn't she be so inclined as to let me know that she is dating someone else? I mean, she said she should've told me but didn't. She even lied to me about things until I confronted her.

I'm terribly angry, yet I'm so relieved that our "relationship" is finally over. I think, as time progresses, I will go through the stages of grief. How can I not? I just hope they go by quickly.

I'd like to think that my debt to bad karma has now been paid. I hope that things will go better for me in the future. Not that I believe in karma or anything.