Philosophy 100: Does god exist?

My favourite subject has come up in philosophy class. Does god exist? To which I wrote the following:

What is god?

The Miriam-Webster dictionary online defines 'God' as:

1 capitalized : the supreme or ultimate reality: as a: the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshipped as creator and ruler of the universe b: Christian Science : the incorporeal divine Principle ruling over all as eternal Spirit : infinite Mind
2: a being or object believed to have more than natural attributes and powers and to require human worship ; specifically : one controlling a particular aspect or part of reality
3: a person or thing of supreme value
4: a powerful ruler

I would add to that that 'God' is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient. So, god should be all-powerful, all encompassing and all-knowing. Let's not forget omnibenevolent, or all good. For arguments sake, let's assume we're talking about the Abrahamic god; the god of the Jews, Christians and Muslims. Otherwise, we may get confused with one of the THOUSANDS of other gods worshipped today.

God is the uncreated creator and ruler of the universe. He (I say 'he', though I don't believe god would have a gender) created the planets, stars and everything we see around us. He created us in his image and gave man, via Adam, control of this planet and all that live on it.

Besides being everywhere and knowing everything, he is benevolent. He is pure goodness, the yin to the yang of evil. He loves and cares for all of his children (us), though it isn't his fault that people suffer, die tragically or go to hell.

So, do I believe in god? No. I find god to be a myth, like all other deities before it. Christianity (and Judaism) are forms of other religions. Mithraism, Zoroastrianism and most recently Paganism are but a few that religion bit off of to form what we know today. I digress. We're not talking about religion; we're talking about god.

How do I know that god doesn't exist? It's simple, really. There isn't any proof that god exists. Since there isn't any proof that god exists, the logical conclusion is - god doesn't exist (that's why believing in god is faith-based). And, no, the bible isn't proof (it was written by man) nor is man, plant or animal the basis of proof (evolution and abiogenesis). I can use Ockham's Razor, anyway, to come to the conclusion that the concept of god is too complicated an idea to have been responsible for the creation of everything. There are plenty of reasons why I don't believe in god but the basis is - no proof. Sure, the possibility exists, as does the possibility that Zeus, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Thor, Vishnu, Krishna, Vulcan, Apollo or any number of other gods exists. They can exist as much as a China teapot orbitting one of the planets in our solar system or invisible unicorns. However, the probability of these existing is nil. And I say that with certainty.

[At this point, I talk about a test I took, which can be found at this link: http://www.philosophersnet.com/games/god.htm. It's an interesting test that tries to find contradictions in one's belief. You need to take it to understand.]

Now, as for my direct hits; I didn't have any direct hits. I did have to bite 3 bullets, which I thought were kinda lame. And did anyone notice that the test called god a "she"?

You claimed earlier that any being which it is right to call God must want there to be as little suffering in the world as possible. But you say that God could make it so that everything now considered sinful becomes morally acceptable and everything that is now considered morally good becomes sinful. What this means is that God could make the reduction of suffering a sin... yet you've said that God must want to reduce suffering. There is a way out of this, but it means biting a bullet. So you've got to make a choice: (a) Bite the bullet and say that it is possible that God wants what is sinful (to reiterate the argument here - she must want to reduce suffering; she could make the reduction of suffering a sin; but if she did so, what she wanted (reducing suffering) would be sinful). (b) Take a direct hit and say that this is an area where your beliefs are just in contradiction.

If god is all powerful and can control anything, god can certainly switch what is sinful to not sinful and vice versa. Thus, god could want what is sinful. But, if god changes what is sinful to not sinful, isn't it no longer sinful?

You stated earlier that evolutionary theory is essentially true. However, you have now claimed that it is foolish to believe in God without certain, irrevocable proof that she exists. The problem is that there is no certain proof that evolutionary theory is true - even though there is overwhelming evidence that it is true. So it seems that you require certain, irrevocable proof for God's existence, but accept evolutionary theory without certain proof. So you've got a choice: (a) Bite a bullet and claim that a higher standard of proof is required for belief in God than for belief in evolution. (b) Take a hit, conceding that there is a contradiction in your responses.

There is no certain proof that evolutionary theory is true. However, there is enough to warrant it as fact. Period. If we required certainty, wouldn't everything be questionable? I don't require irrevocable proof for god's existence. I simply require as much proof as I see with evolution. Just to be clear, gravity is a theory, too.

You've just bitten a bullet! In saying that God has the freedom and power to do that which is logically impossible (like creating square circles), you are saying that any discussion of God and ultimate reality cannot be constrained by basic principles of rationality. This would seem to make rational discourse about God impossible. If rational discourse about God is impossible, there is nothing rational we can say about God and nothing rational we can say to support our belief or disbelief in God. To reject rational constraints on religious discourse in this fashion requires accepting that religious convictions, including your religious convictions, are beyond any debate or rational discussion. This is to bite a bullet.

I don't say that god has the freedom and power to do what is logically impossible but those that believe in him do. If god is all-powerful, god can change the laws of physics, the rules of logic, anything.. god is omnipotent! He created the universe! If he can do that, how hard would it be to change the rules of logic and the laws of physics (it would be logical to say that he created those, too, right?)? Pesky questions like 'Can god create a rock he cannot lift?' seem to make things tricky though.

In reality, the questions, for me, should have ended as soon as I said False to the question "God Exists" because, frankly, everything else after that becomes irrelevant.

New Season! Grey's Anatomy

I don't watch a lot of television. There's really nothing worthy of my attention, say maybe a few shows. One of them is Grey's Anatomy. In fact, it deserves all of my attention as I think it's the greatest show on the airwaves. The cast, the writing, the music; they all make for wonderful drama. But the one thing that makes the show isn't what the show gives us, it's what we give to the show.

It's how we relate.

I once told someone how great Grey's is and how, if she only had a television, she should watch the show because it is good television. So she watched it. Online. And she dismissed it. And I wondered.. how can anyone dismiss such a show? It's brilliant. It's touching. It often times makes me so emotionally charged, I have to blog about it.

Then I got it.

It's not what Grey's has that makes it such a great drama. It's what we have in ourselves that makes it a good drama. And most people don't realize that the show plays on our own experiences, our own feelings, our own dilemmas to make it what it is. The reason why it (and other shows of its caliber) is so good is because we can relate to each storyline, to each character, to each emotional dilemma. We are what makes the story so good because each storyline is within us. Our own lives fill in the gaps, smooth the corners and dot the i's. We are apart of the storyline and we don't even know it. It's because we can relate in such minute and subtle ways.

We get it because we've experienced it.

When one dismisses a show like Grey's Anatomy, one does so because life's experiences may have eluded him or her. He or she may have not experienced life in the way most of us have, or not enough of it anyway. He or she.. may have been sheltered. And, in being so, just doesn't get it.

Or, he or she is just an insensitive, left-brained git. (I say that because I'm more right-brained)

It isn't really about Grey's Anatomy. Any well-written, well-acted drama does what Grey's does. That's credit to the writers and producers of the show. But the real credit goes to you and me. We are why the show does well. Not because we're told it's a good show but because we get it. And we get it because we've lived our lives to some degree and can relate to the themes.

And that's why Grey's Anatomy is brilliant.

Never..

Hit on a married bartender, when you're drunk, who is having troubles with her marriage.

Because, she just might take you up on your offer.

I certainly don't need that kind of madness again.

Last night at Cinespia!

So yesterday was the last official night of Cinespia from what I understand (there will be a Cinespia for Halloween the week before or so -they're going to show CARRIE! So. Awesome. And I will be there) and my friends and I were there for early imbibing and general discussion (at the moment, it's about their married-couple friends Joe and Shannon. Not very good for Joe I might add).

So, as we stand in line on the sidewalk on Sunset Blvd listening to some Mexican stripmall church performing music that sounds a lot like Ozzy Ozbourne (Crazy Train) and Black Sabbath (Iron Man) in the background, while drinking Shiraz from lovely glass (heavy glass!) cups (not appropriate wine glasses), I spied the chick I met online whom I went out on a few dates with (again, DEATH RACE is NOT a good date movie).

Talk about awkward.

I immediately made myself look busy by looking up at storefront signs, the forming moon, the church playing Ozzy-Sabbath music; stuff one does when trying to look busy while not being noticed by said past-date chick.

So time passes and we're ushered into the cemetery (yes, cemetery, because that's where Cinespia is! Duh!?) and all is right with the world. We find our spot in the back, as always, and lo and behold the chick AND her date walk up nearly next to us and scope out areas of grass seating.

Shit! What the fuck do I do now? (One of my friends said I should have shouted out, "I'd fuck that bitch there," to which I said, "Umm, no.") So, again.. signs, waning moon, palm trees (in lieu of church and crappy songs). I think she saw me this time because they bee-lined it to the other side of the field.

So just what the hell does one do when they see someone whom they had a few dates with but never really talked to again (not my fault. She's the one that stopped correspondence. Bitch.)? Should I have gone up to her and said, "Hey, [her name here]! How goes it? Is this the new cock you found on [dating service here]? I see he's better looking than you! Good of you to move up in the world." ...or...

"Hey, biatch. What's up with not calling or emailing back? You know I needed weeks of therapy for that? Don't you think it's considerate to at least close off an open port of communication? My mom had to bake me cookies for days on end just for me to get over you! Oh the horror!"

I think the second one would have been funnier. Of course, the-Hey-I'd-fuck-her! comment, in hindsight, seems most funniest though the most crude. Of course, I didn't point her out to any of my friends because, frankly, they don't need to see who she is nor do I need to make myself more obvious. Live and let live, I always say.

The movie was great. Sergourney Weaver was just sooo hot and a strong chick, which led to feminist jokes with another, female, friend. Of course, she's somewhat feministic herself, just more hot and realistic. Later, as I apologized for any jokes that may have offended, she simply said that if she thought I were being serious, she'd have kicked my ass. With her really cute shoes.

Photographs: A Train Ride

So there was a slight accident with Metrolink this past week. A couple of trains were derailed, a few people were hurt, a couple were even killed. These things happen and shouldn't scare you away from riding the train! [Please.. put your sensitivity in check, would ya? Umm.. No.]

I arrived at the train station around 9:30am. I was a little early, but I wanted to take in the atmosphere of a real live train station. I hadn't taken a train anywhere since I was a younger lad (and in another country even!) so I was actually excited to be off on this adventure.

I always thought Los Angeles was heavenly. It is the place where we go to after we die. [sarcasm: off]

So, the train came and we all boarded (all four of us at the station. Two Korean tourists and some skater kid. Oh wait.. I think a transient woman came at the last minute). I was so jumpy with glee. I'm on the train!

I took a few pictures as we moved, going towards the great city of Los Angeles. Mind you, I could have driven into LA from the OC but that would have cost me more than the ticket, actually. $8.50 for a round trip and I can use it on a bus ride as well. A gallon of gas was 4 something and I'm sure I would have used a few gallons.

The trip wouldn't have been right if there wasn't any graffiti to be seen along the way.

The Promised Land®. It looms over the horizon like.. well.. a city. Duh!

The hallways that lead to civilization. Or to another train. One of the two.

I took the subway, which cost another 5 bucks for an all-day pass, to China Town. AN ALL DAY PASS for FIVE firggin' bucks. C'mon. I could have gone all the way to Pasadena if I wanted to. Anyway, there's good food, clothing and some really nifty gift ideas to be had in the CT. I ended up walking back to Union Station, which is where I came from to get to CT. Hmm. Anyway...

I walked back to Olvera Street, which is right across the street from the train station. Talk about cool. This place is pretty much the center of Los Angeles, the birthplace even. I haven't been here since the 4th grade. Srsly.

Here I am exploiting the natives while they dance. Talk about Dance Dance Revolution.... without the revolution. Give Mexico back Los Angeles. Oh.. wait.. they have it already.

So I jumped onto the Red Line and headed up to Hollywood. A friend was out that way and I thought I'd meet up with him. In the first pic, I'm just lounging. The second pic is a stop on the way. Again, we in the OC don't have the luxury of subways. Just shitty busses. With shitty people. Who smell like shit.

I met up with my friend and we kicked it at The Pig and Whistle. A swanky little joint I must say. I started with a vodka martini, very dry, and after that I had a single-malt scotch. After those I had a few (too many) more drinks. The bartender, whose name escapes me at the moment (it started with at 'T' I'm sure), was very cute, very friendly and had a few shots with my friend and me. I'll be taking the train more just to hit this place up, that's for sure.

So it's back onto the subway. Destination: home. But I have to get back to Union Station, first.

Here are some interior shots of some closed off areas in Union Station. I had some time to kill and the alcohol consumption was kicking in (and kicking my ass) so I lounged around a bit. I will not be doing that again. Oh, who am I kidding?

Rawr! Oh, please. Like you've never done anything silly within a photograph before. Like hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa or squished your mate's head. Or taken nudie.. nevermind.

A photograph of the 5 freeway at dusk. I didn't know the guy would be in it but it was a happy accident. Thinking back.. I should have put myself in the photograph.. next time.

Another, better photograph. Person free.

My train for the ride home, in the station.

It was a wonderful day. I even bought a suit at this place on Hollywood Blvd. Black, pinstripe, single-breasted three-piece. I'm wearing it into town the next time. It goes well with my hat.

So, don't let a few mishaps dampen your potential train riding experience. The Metrolink is the bomb diggity and I mean that. Not only is it a fun and memorable experience, it saves you a shitload of money on gas. Plus, there's no worries about who's going to drive, where to park, none of that shit. Good times.

Some things..

So.. let's see.. One never really appreciates life until after so miserably bombing, committing suicide would be a step up. I kid, I kid.. Suicide is more lateral.

I so fucking bombed tonight I just walked off stage without even finishing what couldn't even be considered a set. It's even lower than being a noob. Noobs just go - they take it all the way. I.. well, lower than noobness. I'm newbie noob. For those that don't know, doing standup comedy is on the level of doing Einsteinian (none of that Quantum bullshit) physics calculations, it's that difficult (okay, maybe not, but.. it's hard.. okay?). One week, you may get a laugh, the next week, you may not. In this case, my night was the latter. And doing it in a pinstripe suit where I looked like a 30's mobster doesn't make it any easier.

I don't know why I just completely froze up - I just wasn't ready for the costume yet, I'd like to think. But, I'm at the stage now where I can handle it. Normally, I'd dwell over it for days until someone would say.. get over it.. then I'd dwell just a bit more until.. well, the universe collapsed onto itself (on a side note: CERN is about to create their own Big Bang. Can't wait to get swallowed up into a mini blackhole. Damn Swiss). I can laugh at myself. Now if I can just do that with normal, everyday things in my life.. like.. well.. everything else in my life.

Just got my car back.. Yay for me! I can't tell you how much going back to an 8 cylinder vehicle feels so good after driving a 4 cylinder one. Don't get me wrong, a Ford Focus is great on gas mileage but it wasn't doing anything for my social life.... not that my Mustang is doing anything for it either but it does sound nice and it has a cool paint job. It has that going for it.

This past weekend I had the most awesome sunday. I took the train out to Los Angeles.. That's a big deal when you live in teh OC (bitch). Then I took the subway out to Hollywood, met up with a friend, had a few (too many) shots, flirted with the bartender (I seem to have a thing for pretty bartenders.. When will I ever learn?) and then bought a suit on the way back. It was definitely good times. I'm a big proponent for riding the train as a means of alternative transportation. I now have a way of getting to Hollywood for cheaper than a few gallons of gas and parking. Metrorail, you rock!

Anyway, I have photographs of my journey so I shall post those up soon. Dude, it was just fucking awesome. So. Much. Fun.

Holy fucking Christ. If I had used this as my material, it would have been fucking hilarious. I wouldn't even have had to make fun of a feminist.

Final note - watching The Matrix for Philosophy class. I got so much out of it this time round. Who knew education would be that useful!? And if no one caught the nod to Baudrillard in the beginning, I did. Those goddamned fucking Simulacrae.

Watch for the photos.

Prop 8 is teh ghey

Something we have on the ballot this year is Prop 8. The following is ALL of its text, which will effectively amend California's Constitution to ban gay marriage:

"Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California."

It is the same text that Prop 22 had - except that it violated the State Constitution. The People's will does not trump the State Constitution. It's the other way round, folks.

So now they want it to be in the Constitution.

Vote NO on Prop 8. This is a moral issue. Moral issues should not be dictated to me by the State, nor should it be dictated to me by the religious right wing, who support this amendment.

If this is what it means to have "Family Values" then fuck 'em.

God and government do not mix!

It's one thing when some nobody down the street starts claiming that it's the will of god that we were sent to Iraq - I can ignore a loon like that - but it's another when a VP candidate starts spouting shit like that.

According to an AP news article (Palin: Iraq war 'a task that is from God'), Palin is said to have addressed ministry students saying that our going to Iraq is god's plan, that "our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God," and that "that's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God's plan." Absolute BULLSHIT. Your position, Governor Palin, is not to be used as a pulpit for religious zealousness. That's abuse of power and(!) taking advantage of people whose beliefs you are pandering to.

Also, she said it's god's will that a $30 billion pipeline be built to transport natural gas to the mainland and that everyone should pray for it. God's fucking will. Are you kidding me?! What does god need a fucking pipeline carrying natural gas for? God's will my fucking ass.

This talk has no place in government. Atheist or not, I have strong feelings against government mixing with religion. This is a nation diverse in religious beliefs. What makes her beliefs more important than the Muslims', Jews' or even Pagans' beliefs? If we have a VP like her as the second in command, how will her beliefs affect her actions in office? An evangelical Christian is one thing, an evangelical Christian using her position to spout religious rhetoric is another. We don't need that anywhere near the White House.

Not only does this anger me, it fucking scares me.

Twitter anyone?

Hey - to the handful of peeps who actually read this blog -- and to those who happen to come across it. If any of you are on Twitter (www.twitter.com), email me! I'm looking for friends to follow as well as to enrich lives with tidbits of absolute nonsense.

cvb.blog (at) gmail.com

Glendale is the shit.

I'm really liking the place. Take away all the armo's driving their Mercedes Benzes bought from selling food stamps and the place would perfect.

I was out at a buddy's place with my guitar & amp and 18 bottles of assorted beers in tow. He had his bass guitar out.

It's good to be making music again, even if it's just to fuck around. It's good to be creative.

Oh Looky Here! A Woman Republican Veep!

Wow, Mr. McCain! You pulled a fast one! You overlooked Mitt Romney and bee lined it straight to Alaska to choose a Republican woman as your running mate. You had to jump on that bandwagon, huh? Think you'll pull in all of those stragglin' Clinton hardliners by bringing a woman up to the platform with you, aye?

Ultimate fail, douchebag. What, did you think that having a woman is enough to capture the undecided votes found amongst the Clinton dems? That you'll pull some of those 18 million cracks off the glass ceiling to rain down on your busy campaign? Let's take a look at your running mate, shall we, Mr. McCain?

Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. Republican. Anti-abortion pro-lifer. Lifetime member of the NRA (ok, she gets brownie points for that one). Gov. Palin is not a liberal. She's as conservative as they come. A conservative evangelical Christian. To say her autistic child is a gift from god is simply a terrible thing to say. God doles out kids stricken with birth defects? Talk about Old Testament. Anyway...

So, a few reasons right there the left and center won't even touch her. And if you're a Clinton dem.. no, a FEMALE Clinton dem, you're going to avoid this woman like the plague. I'm guessing a high number of Clinton's supporters are probably anti-gun and pro-choice. They're highly in favor of liberal ideals. Duh. That's a no-brainer.

I think this was a poorly executed ploy by that old windbag to try and garner the votes of the disenfranchised and those who are bitter over Clinton's loss. He wasn't thinking about policy and procedure, of political experience (gee, what's he going to say about Obama now, since he can't use the oh, you're not experienced enough card anymore) or about his own party. Sure, he may get some of the new guard repubs.. But there are too many old guard, religious right repubs in the country who just won't get over the fact that his running mate is a woman. What happens if that old fart dies? I mean, he is in his 70's; he's the oldest man to ever seek the presidency. No country bumpkin hick from Mizzura wants a woman in the White House. He's shot himself in the foot. No female dem will vote for him and no neo-con whitebred republican will either. I'm very interested in seeing how this one's gonna turn out.

I heard Palin talking in a speech that she acknowledges Clinton's 18 million cracks.. but she's going to actually break through that ceiling. With what? A diaper and an NRA membership card? Srsly? Please. Don't quit your day job, guvnah. We don't need that kind of rhetoric in today's American society.

Better.. much better.

If you've never had that feeling where you did something really good and you actually feel proud of yourself then you're missing out.

I don't always feel that way but when I do it's fantastic. And, tonight, I felt that way. It's because I actually got some laughs for once after a good comedy set.

I need to pick on feminists more.

Miley Cyrus and I share a birthday..

Goody. I hear Miley is going to shut down Disneyland on October 5th to have a birthday celebration.. AND do it for charity.

So where the fuck am I going to go now for my birfday??! Bitch.

At least when Liz Taylor took over the park for her birthday, it was after hours. Maybe Miley doesn't want people hiding in the trashcans hoping to catch a glimpse of her taking racey shots of herself in the shower.

Death Race.. A sucky date movie

Not only did Death Race suck but so did the date. I should have just gone with my gut instinct from the the first go.

Now that that's done with.. time to move on to the next one. The next woman, that is.

First Dates

Often, first dates are wrought with nervous excitement, curiosity and a little doubt. If you've met the person online, there may even be a little bit of difficulty. I say difficulty because the person whom you may be meeting may not have the best or most up to date images of themselves online (if you have 6 year old pics representing your current self, you really need to retool your profile.. not that I'm saying this is the case for either the person I met or myself) and meeting for the first time can be awkward.

Not only is there a kind of fear in meeting, there is fear in where to meet. You should always meet in a friendly, open and well-lit area. It should be interesting and fun but not loud to the point where you cannot hear the person you're meeting, unless it's a movie. We met at Father's Office in Culver City.

Father's Office is a friendly, young and energetic "gastropub". In looking up the term "gastropub" I found that it is simply a pub that serves higher end fare. And certainly, the food is rather delicious. I had the seared Albacore tuna on a bed of cucumber slices with olives and a cilantro oil dressing. Very tasty. My date had the Office burger. It looked rather nice though I did not partake. It was thick, rare and the caramelized onions simply invited to bite into it with watered mouth. As well as the dishes, they serve a sweet potato "frite", or sweet potato fries, that are just to die for. I can't quite remember where else I've had sweet potato fries, but they are unexpectedly delicious. I couldn't help but eat most of my date's fries. My apologies to her for doing so. (fuck that.. I paid.. So I take the apology back)

What really sets apart Father's Office from other pubs is not only their selection of fine beers (at least a few dozen from what I could tell) - in the menu they seperate them into sections such as Hoppy and Sweet/Fruity - but their knowledge in pairing these libations with the food they served. Both my date and I had this awesome white beer that tasted very similar to this very nice white wine I found at a local wine bar I sometimes frequent. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what the beer is (nor the wine, at the moment) but it's very fruity, very sweet and just lovely. Aside from this beer, I did have the Lindeman Peach Framboise (I prefer the cherry) and a Chimay (white label).

Sadly, I don't think my date and I connected. Certainly, we had good conversation, we cliqued on a certain level and I found her attractive but... the substance was not there. I cannot say for certain whether there was enough "data" to really make a judgement call but I think both she and I showed a lack of interest. And though I invited her to a screening of a film next week, I think we'll simply remain friends, if we remain anything at all.

However, my newly established love for Father's Office shall continue to grow as I cultivate my relationship with the place. I wonder if it's cheating if I visit the Santa Monica location as well.

Find info on FO at http://www.fathersoffice.com/.

Car Accidents Suck

Just like stupid people.

Retards..

Ok. So.. this article only proves my point that we, as a people, can't even say shit.

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/va/20080810/121842511100.html

When the word 'retard' is used, someone gets offended. In this case, it's the Special Olympics, along with 21 other disability groups nationwide. And what are they going to do? They're going to boycott Ben Stiller's latest movie, Tropic Thunder.

Goody. Just what we need - a bunch of fucking retards boycotting a film because they refer to someone in the film as retarded. So fucking what? Do you think the real retards in the world actually care? Are there a bunch of kids with Downs Syndrome sitting around in a huddle somewhere going, "fuck Stiller, that fucking asshole! He can't use the word 'retard!' How inappropriate!"

Loosen up. It's a word. And does the movie actually refer to people with mental disabilities? Are they specifically picked out and picked on? Is Stiller actually pointing out these people and purposely making fun of them? No. I don't believe he is. We don't see people saying 'where's my baseball' (reference to What About Mary's retard guy) or people bumping into walls or drooling in any way in the film; it's a movie about making a war film, for Christ's sake.

I don't think people who are mentally challenged are concerned about whether or not they're thought of as retards. They're just trying to live their lives as best as possible. And, have you ever interacted with a person with Downs Syndrome? They're the happiest, carefree people in the world. They make people with positive attitudes look like Eeyore.

It's one thing to use the word 'nigger', 'chink', 'jap' or any other deragatory term; people who are called these can comprehend them. Then they get butthurt for being called something deragatory (and for the record, you can call me anything you want, make fun of my parents and lineage and call me a cracker-ass fat retard with bad skin. I don't care). But that's neither here nor there. The point is - people who are mentally challenged don't comprehend it so they're neither upset or offended by it. It is these groups that represent them that get all butt hurt. They're the ones who have to go out and boycott this movie. It is them that give meaning to the word 'retard' because they're reacting to it.

Let it go and it will mean nothing. You haven't even seen the movie yet (I heard about it through a collegue) so why the fuck are you making a big stink about it? Mr. Stiller, in my opinion, did not make this movie to ridicule mentally challenged people. He made it to make others laugh. And, last time I checked, there weren't any "special people" in the movie. They're just poking fun at someone who is slow. And there are still a lot of stupid people out there that equate the word 'retard' with someone who drools and wears a helmet while walking around with their walker. These people will make fun regardless of whether there is a movie or not that uses deragatory terms. However, I bet you that these people are a dwindling minority.

Political correctness is bad. It stifles, it dumbifies, it holds back free thought. And, as I've said a million times, people need to be offended at times. In this case, the supposed targets don't even know what's going on. They're lucky that they don't. They are, in my opinion, better off in a lot of ways than those of us who actually comprehend.

So, to the Special Olympics organization I say this: good for you to address this because YOU are the true retards. You're wasting your time with a movie that will do fine with or without your boycott.

A simple equation

((Beach sand) + (a volleyball )) / co-workers = a damn good time.

There is a high probability that I will be sore as fuck tomorrow morning. And there's something to be said about a farmer's tan. Sexy!

30 oz of pleasure

So a buddy of mine moved into a new apartment. After some errands I went down to check it out - boy is it nice. Looks can be deceiving from the front. It's frackin' huge. Very art deco, too.

Anyway, we hit the beers in the fridge (I think there were at least 18 bottles when we started. We ended with maybe 6 or 7) and finished off the last of his absinthe. Then a friend of his showed up and we all went down to Damon's, a hip seafood and steak joint with fine cocktails (and desserts to boot). I did not partake in the libations as I was already fucked up. I didn't need another. What I did need, though, was a fat 30oz prime rib, rare. Along with the very tasty tomato bisque, I was in heaven. I haven't had prime rib in over a year. It was almost better than sex. Almost.

It's funny because I didn't go through any of the horrid feelings I thought I'd go through after not eating meat for so long. In fact, I didn't even have a hangover this morning. The gods be praised.

So, the next morning (I passed out on his floor), after a brief conversation about how delusional some people who believe in god are (it started off about another friend of ours, actually, who is a co-worker of his) I set off for home. On the drive home, I spied a billboard from Atheists Alliance International. I guess there's an atheist convention in Long Beach coming up (which I may have to check out).

Location of the billboard: somewhere after the City of Industry (going southbound) off the I-5 freeway. It says: Don't believe in God? You're not alone.

My next tat..

Might as well get one before I'm forced to get one. I was thinking - the back of the neck but I already have a tat there.. so, this will go on the inside of my forearm. I'm debating whether to write the word the barcode is in the space or just take the space out altogether.

Ventura County FTW!

Yeah, boi. I sooo love teh Ventura County! VC FTW!

not.

I dislike any place where they charge gross amounts so I can access their beaches.

But, I hope to take advantage as I've brought my camera for some foe toe graffs.

I guess it's okay for scenic stuff..



Oh.. I've decided to make myself available for correspondence.. if anyone is, at all, interested.. cvb.blog (at) gmail.com. Please.. send any hate mail, requests for marriage, notes of fancy and all of that other hullabaloo there. I need a new ePenpal.

Humbled..

Firstly, I have to say I've recovered nicely from my bout of food poisoning, whether it was salmonella or not. It doesn't matter. The blood is gone as is the pain. I can now eat with comfort once again. The good thing about getting sick is that I lost 6 pounds. The bad, aside from the discomfort, is that I'll probably regain that weight within a few days.

So I was talking to my head writer this morning - he did a major production for Comic Con this year.. lots of video with interviews and such (they had the chance to meet Jennifer Connelly and I wasn't there. I must have done something wrong in a previous life. Terribly). Anyway, he's terribly proud of his work and what he's done to bring the site I command to where it's at and I dare say, he's done a fabulous job. It is because of him that I don't walk away from the project I started (I'm not too terribly interested in it. I never really was) almost five years ago. So, we were chatting on the phone this morning and, as he was telling me all that I had just summed up in this paragraph, he had imparted advice that I hear once in awhile but never really take seriously, though I know it's good advice and many seem to heed except myself. He tells me to do what I'm passionate about (he's passionate about film.... very passionate, and he thinks my passion lies on the same path as his. It doesn't). Then he goes on to tell me I should find a night job and work with him to do this more. I was unemployed for a year and a half doing it and I wasn't fulfilled. But, I know where he's coming from and it's humbling to see him doing something that he truly believes in. Something that drives and motivates him to claw his way towards his goal, his ultimate nirvana. And, he wants to bring me along on his ride. I used to think that it was I who was bringing him along with me but roles have changed and I'm now being dragged along on his coattails. And I'm cool with that.

But, he brings to me a point that seems to be a theme in my life. Do what makes you happy. Unfortunately, I've been unable to find that which makes me happy. The closest thing so far has been my official discovery of philosophy and my pursuit of higher learning in that direction. I'm sure, in time, I'll need to find a night job in order to fulfill one of my goals (it's not necessary that I share that at this moment) but that's not something I need to worry about right now. I think, and this leads me to another theme in my life, that the only thing stopping me from just doing what I should do is fear. But who isn't scared of actually chasing their dreams? Especially when one is already established (however established one is in indentured servitude, I should say) in one's life and has a level of comfort. Who wants to fuck that all up for the unknown? Most people don't. Those that do and fail should be commended and honoured. Those that do and succeed should be worshiped and treasured. They are the dreamers who make reality happen.

And I am humbled by that.

Comic Con 2008: Day 2

Not happening. I think I have some sort of food poisoning. Water shouldn't be pouring out of certain orifices like they are.

I'm miserable.

It sucks because there was a panel with my favourite author today - Dean Koontz. I'm pretty bummed.

So, to Basic (that bar I was at yesterday): your drinks are nice and so is Cindy the bartender, but your pizza sucks. (I know it was the pizza cos that's the only thing I ate yesterday)

ADDENDUM:

I think I may have been infected with salmonella. I think it's the blood squirting out of my ass that's the giveaway. So what the fuck do I do now? I don't even know who my doctor is, let alone where it's at. Oh well.. let's see what happens.

Comic Con 2008: Day 1

Day One, Comic Con and the freaks are out in full force. It's worth the price of admission, which is ZERO. It's good to have press cred's. Currently, I'm sitting in this place called Basic, on J Street and Tenth. As the name suggests, this place is pretty simple. It's sparse; it looks like it was a garage some time in the distant past. And now, there are two bars, a pool table (purple tabletop, very nice) and a very cute bartender. Very. (Note to self - you really need to get out more).

Anyway..

I sit here, drinking my overpriced single malt Scotch, watching the droves of fucking retards with their day-passes to the convention walking around in costume as tributes to some stupid animation on Adult Swim. Sure, I shouldn't bag on these diehard fans who live only to be Naruto or Pikachu or whatever.. isn't Cowboy Bebob totally dead? The only plus side to this is that there are a ton of geek girls.. HOT geek girls, dressed as their favourite characters.. scantally clad characters. Oh, the humanity. I even saw some idiot dressed up like Strongbad. C'mon, Homestar Runner was so 2006. Get with the present, for fuck's sake. Is it even still popular?

So the convention center is grossly overpacked with Clearasil-needing nerds, kids without parents (for the day - hooray for them!) and people who are either "Professional" or in the media (like myself). Hell, I even passed Margaret Cho on the street. She looked like ass.

But anyway.. I didn't get here early enough and I've been missing the panels I want to see. Hopefully, I can get into the Ghost Hunters panel at 3p.. I'd better hurry! But the conversation with the bartender is nice.

So, until next time!

Dot Dot Dot

It's that time again where students register for school and life becomes divided between academia and the 40 hour humdrum known as corporate America (aka, the American Dream).

I've realized that my life beginning in August will become dedicated to learning, dedicated to advancing and dedicated to being dedicated. I've always been apprehensive to the whole sacrificing my personal life in order further the rest of my life thing. It's been a hard journey.

I took one class last semester to see if I could do it. And, I did do it and I didn't even try. Now I've got two classes, a 40 hour work week, a personal life I'm not willing to sacrifice and a whole lot of other shit that I will need to juggle. And for what? To someday get that elusive degree I've been chasing my whole life? That piece of paper that will somehow validate who I am and give credence to what I stand for? To prove what is already known by my peers and me - that I'm an intellectual? (I hate intellectuals. They're stuffy, serious and lack any amusement. And they're pompous. I use the term lightly)

I guess the point is - I need to sacrifice something and that something will be my personal life. School will become my personal life. It will become my everything. The other aspects of my life will become secondary. Even my job, which I can't say has my complete and utter attention as it is. It will have even less.

If I'm to attain my goal, I have to sacrifice. I've got to suffer. It's not a new concept. I've suffered most of my life. What's a few more years? I just hope I won't succumb to the fear that so wonderfully dictates my life.

What is laziness?

la·zy /ˈleɪzi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ley-zee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, -zi·er, -zi·est, verb, -zied, -zy·ing.
–adjective 1. averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.
2. causing idleness or indolence: a hot, lazy afternoon.
3. slow-moving; sluggish: a lazy stream.
4. (of a livestock brand) placed on its side instead of upright. –verb (used without object)
5. to laze.

I'm lazy. I've been all of my life. I never really thought about why I was lazy. I just was. And when I didn't do something, I really just chalked it up to that and called it a day. It's something that isn't easily changeable and I've never fought it. If one were to ask me, I'd say that people don't change, we just adapt and react with intent.

Anyway, I was thinking about a conversation I had some time ago about laziness and I think I understand now why I am lazy (though I think this could possibly work out for many people). It's because I don't care. I don't care about anything. I don't care if I get my work done, I don't care if I go to work, I don't care if I die tomorrow. I really don't care. If I have to exert any effort, chances are I'm not going to care about what it is I need to exert effort for.

"I don't care" can be my catch phrase. My mantra.

Maybe I'm ADD. Nothing keeps my interest long enough for me to care about it. And, because of that, it takes great effort to do accomplish things I need to accomplish. Some things, if they touch me emotionally, will get more attention and more time devoted to eventually becoming boring.

Video games, chess and thinking too much are different, though. They keep me very entertained. But, these things don't really accomplish anything (well, thinking does but that's debatable even).

So, to me, laziness is borne from apathy. And apathy is borne from.. I don't know. This is the next step.

Oh what a day it will be..

Currently, it is about 10 till 2am and I'm just now getting situated to go to bed, but not before I place an entry in my handy dandy little blog.

Actually, I should be asleep now, dreaming of wonder and excitement, dreaming of grand futures and amazing pasts; I should just be fucking asleep, really. But, no, I'm not. I was out and about at a dive bar in Rosemead, CA., where there is a Chinese restaurant every 2 feet and they're all seafood (I gotta come back to check some of these places out!). The place: Spike's Bar and Grill. The night's theme: The Breakfast Klub. The band: Nocturna. See, I went with a friend who said we should go see this band because they're a Siouxsie cover band and Siouxsie is cool (everything before Peekaboo that is). They should be on at 11p but they're usually late so no worries if you are.. late, that is... he says to me (I'm paraphrasing, I'm sure).

Actually, despite the smokey, crowded environment (the clove cigarettes really added a touch of.. something), I thought it was a nifty place. Not to sound racist or anything, but I've never seen so many Mexicans that were either Rockabilly or gothic.. all in one place! Amazing! Seriously, I thought only white people were gothic.. or Emo. Taaaannnggeeennttt! I digress. (they're all a buncha poseurs in my book anyway.. wannabe's)

So, Nocturna starts out with their rendition of Israel. Then they go into another song I'm not familiar with. The lead singer, a total Siouxsie wannabe, actually sounded great; she just looked like a wounded monkey. With thick, black eyeliner. And a poofy wig. Which, I think, was actually her real hair. Her get-up was a little lewd (no, she didn't show anything but it was still lewd) but whatever. I didn't go to look at her.

They ended the set with Spellbound, which was really cool. I thought it was a great cap to a wonderful set. I also liked Love in a Void and.. and.. damn this being tired shit! I can't remember the song! Let's see.. I Heard a Rumour. That song was keen.. but the other one I really liked.. Damn it!! Damn it all to hell! Fuck! I wonder what it'd be like if I actually had a few to drink!

Anyway, it'll come back to me. So.. to sum up.

Rosemead: a shithole.
Spike's: a dump within a hole.
Nocturna: worth seeing in a dump.
Not having alcohol: just fine by me. I don't need it at that late of an hour. I want to wake up on time for work.

My friend and I are seeing them again in August. They play tomorrow, too, in Santa Monica.. Or is that today? Whatever.


Click Post and then to bed. Nite!

WTF??!

Maybe it's me but I'm thinking everyone's (and when I say everyone, I mean everyone I know..) pissed off at me for some reason.

Maybe it's because I didn't post a Purity Test (go here: www.puritytest.net) on a reasonable time table (I'll post my score later. I'm at work).

Maybe it's because I didn't go to someone's daughter's birthday and, subsequently, didn't help them with promo photos for their new hair salon.

Maybe I didn't return a phone call or two when I should have.

Whatever.. In a hundred years, who's gonna care anyway?

Edit:

Just took the purity test myself - the 500 question one.. A thousand questions is too many..

My score? 56.2%

I thought it'd be lower.

What Wendy's is Not...

Wendy's is NOT Vegetarian-friendly. No sir-friggin'-Bob.

There is NOTHING on the Wendy's menu that is even REMOTELY kind to a person who does not eat meat. Nothing.

Looking at the menu, there is one thing - a Caesar salad. Okay. I'll have that. So my question is -- WHO THE FUCK PUTS BACON BITS IN A CAESAR FUCKING SALAD??!!?!

Apparently, Wendy's does.

So if you're a vegetarian, don't eat at Wendy's. Because they suck. They're against mother nature. They hate little babies and they make old people dress up in leather boots and nothing else.*


I'm going to bed now.. sick from eating bacon bits. Damn it.




* Wendy's in no way makes old people dress up in leather boots (and nothing else) nor do they hate little babies. But they still suck.

What exactly is consciousness?

I was thinking, in the shower (because this is where I do most of my thinking), about consciousness. I've read many opinions on what we are in terms of chemical and electrical reactions. Our thoughts, decisions, actions; they're all based on chemical and electrical reactions in our brain. Does it come right down to that? A chemical reaction? My conscious thought, my intellect? It's a chemical reaction? Though it makes sense to me that this is all that it may be, I cannot quite accept that. I cannot accept that my being is simply a series of electrical pulses shooting between different synapses, of different chemical compounds interracting between each other. Well, I can accept it but I don't want to.

There are different philisophical thoughts about how we perceive reality. But how do we perceive ourselves? What is it in our minds that creates who we are? Is the statement, "I think, therefore I am" (I haven't studied Descarte to any degree. Yet.) valid? Or should it be, "I am, therefore I think"? In this statement, it is perceived that one exists and in one's existence, one is made up of chemical compounds that create the stimulus to think, process thought and perceive our own reality. Reality isn't the same for everyone. It can even be said that two people can perceive the same color differently. Neither are incorrect in their assessment. But it's still the same color.

I'm thinking as I write, so I apologise if things aren't so coherent. Again, as with so many other writings, it makes sense in my head.

The question still remains: is our consciousness simply chemical reactions within our brain that gives us intelligence, reason, thought and awareness? When we die, will that simply end? So far, with my belief system, I would have to say yes. I was not conscious before I was alive. I dare say I will not be conscious after my death. That is where I seem to have my difficulty. I will not be conscious after I am dead.

Maybe this is one of the true reasons why no one wishes to not believe in an afterlife or a deity. It is because they don't want to realise that life is a big waste of time (a waste of time in the sense that it is all for naught; that no matter what we do, we still die), that there really is no cosmic, grand scheme to it. We make our own purpose, we make our own reason, we justify our own life. This isn't a pessimistic thought. It is simply the way it is. To me. My reality. Yours may be different.

And I've gone terribly off tangent. But one can definitely see how my thought process works.

A haiku for your enjoyment:

Reality bites
Consciousness notwithstanding
Purple is not blue

A question..

I posed this question on Yahoo! Answers:

If one was raised in a non-descript room, never knowing anyone from the time of birth until adulthood, never coming into contact with another human, only knowing that something may be out there because that something is the supplier of sustinence and clothing (and education devoid of anything related to religion), would this one know the concept of god? Which god? Would this person think the hand that was supplying everything was the hand of god?

If this person was then introduced to people, how do you think this person would react?


I was thinking about how someone had once said that god (the Christian god, mind you) is known by everyone and that he permeates our being. So, I wonder - if someone was never introduced to any god, let alone the Abrahamic god, would they know god at all? If one was locked in a cage from birth and only knew the hand of their keeper, would they know god?

Some people are really stupid in that they can't think outside the box and come up with a relevant answer. Sure, this person wouldn't know how to communicate, unless the captor taught this person basic language (it's hypothetical, don't ask me how!).

Someone accused me of stealing this idea. I've never read Plato's Republic, though it's on my list of reading.

Anyway.. whatever.. right?

Each person can make a difference

You can help.



Though I've never used this hotline, I've been in the position where I could have used them. Luckily, I didn't follow through with the plans I had. I still think about it from time to time but I know that, if it comes down to it, I have someone, somewhere, to talk to that will help me overcome the temporary problem that would lead to a permanent solution. Help 1-800-SUICIDE help others.

Just when you thought it was safe to park...

A funny thing happened to me the other night. Well, it didn't happen to me as much as I was held up by something that happened.

I was at the Arclight in LA on Monday night. I was actually in the parking structure trying to find a parking spot to get to the Arclight when this happened. See, I was following some guy in an old Mercedes who, I just assumed, was also looking for a parking space. As we rounded another corner in this long trip through the building, this guy threw his water bottle out of the window and at a parked car.

How fucking rude, I thought. What a fucking retard. Who would blatantly throw their trash out of their window and at a parked car?? [don't answer that, it's rhetorical] So, my mind is throwing out different adjectives describing the fucktard driving his old Mercedes with, by the way, a license plate holder indicating his status as USC Alumni. I guess even good schools churn out stupid people.

So, I'm filling my head with obscenities about this guy and all of a sudden, he stops his friggin' car and starts yelling at some woman. Is this a domestic despute, I thought? Do these two people know each other? As I listened on to the guy rambling on, I saw the woman produce the very same water bottle previously discarded by this prick.

The guy was obviously pissed off. Did this woman steal his parking spot? Pee in his Cheerios? Turn him down for a date to take a tour of his glorious USC campus? I dunno but when he got out of his car to face this apparent spoiler of his good spirit I was, like, bring it down to a 10, dude!

I watched as this little man, balding and pudgy yet still young, address this woman somewhat face to face. I thought he was going to take her on, do something stupid. She stood her ground and her body language indicated nothing in the way of fear. It was almost as if she were mocking him.

As I sat there, watching this drama unfold, two things came to my mind: should I get out of the car and assist this young lady in her troubles and, dude, get in your fucking car and leave this woman alone.

I didn't get out of the car. And after a few moments of discomfort, wondering what this douchebag was going to do, he ended up getting back into his car. Yet, he was still yelling at this calm and collected, though mocking, woman. After a few moments of his childish ranting, I had enough. I yelled at the twit to move his fucking car. I mean, shit, he had blocked the way for at least 5 minutes trying to demean this rock of a woman. They both looked at me and I them. Then, in disgust, the man put his car into drive and took off. On a side note, should children be allowed to drive Mercedes Benzes? And should USC approach this wanker and ask him for his license plate holder back? Questions that I'll never know the answers to.

As I drove around and, eventually, found a spot to park, I wondered. Should I have gotten out of my car to help this woman? I mean, she didn't seem like she needed help but, still, I just sat there. This guy, though non-threatening in any way (in fact, he looked like a beady little troll now that I think about it), looked as though he was going to assault this woman somehow and I didn't want to get involved. Does this make me a pussy, even though I just didn't want to get involved? Is chivalry dead?

Then it donned on me that maybe this woman wouldn't have wanted help. Would she have chastised me for actually coming to her aid? Would she have been one of those feminist holier-than-thou bitches that thinks she could've taken care of herself in times of trouble (I'm sure she would have kicked this guy's ass if it came down to it. He was a fucking tard)? And if so, would she just have accused me of being a sexist fuck for thinking that she's a lesser person because of her gender? Because, you know, LA, particularly Hollywood, has a lot of these independent, feminist women around and about. And, don't get me wrong, I love feminists. They stand for something important. They're great. Just a little delusional.

I guess it still bothers me, almost a week later, that I didn't do anything for this woman. I could have just gotten out of the car, asked if there was a problem and told the little troll to go about his business; sometimes life isn't fair and we should deal with it in a calm and collected way and then move on. And if the woman was a feminist bitch, I would have just had to deal with it and move on, knowing that some people can never be grateful. There is a third scenario, of course.. I could have gotten out, helped and then gotten her number. Her number, damn it! And therein lies the rub... I could've gotten her number. Damn. Folly strikes again.

Oh, the movie you ask? Hancock. Media screening. Go out and see it. Just as you should go out and see Wanted. Two great summer flicks.

A little late but better than never..

I know it's a little late but I just wanted to write a little something about George Carlin. He was a brilliant man, a brilliant comedian and he was a brilliant atheist. He had a view on life that I found so interesting and so on the nose. And now he's dead.

So, rest in peace Mr. Carlin. You were a talent and an inspiration.

Every moment is a new beginning.

I've never been a goal-oriented guy. I've always been the type to just go with whatever interested me. I took whatever it was where ever it went and enjoyed (or not) the ride. I've come to the realization that this way of living isn't very productive. So, I decided to change that. I started writing down my goals, adhering to some sort of plan and, while stumbling because it isn't natural for me, followed what I've set out to do. So far it's been helpful. I've accomplished some really great things. Mainly personal, but great nonetheless. I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I've learned that I'm a highly ambitious person, with big dreams and lofty goals. I've also learned that I'm terribly lazy and I procrastinate a lot. Things I need to work on constantly.

I've been reading a lot about many subjects and they've helped me to understand who I am as well as understand the world around me. I've learned that I'm a very analytical person. At the same time, I'm a very emotional person. Neither are good or bad. It's just the way things are. Analyzing these things have helped me to focus on what's really important in my life. I don't want to change anything about me because, frankly, I think I'm awesome. That doesn't mean there isn't room to become more awesome. It's like Jello chocolate pudding. There's always room for more Jello pudding.

Anyway.. I spent a lot of time tonight thinking about things. It's what I do well. The moon was a great companion. Illuminating, unique and engaging; things I look for in companions. It helped me to focus on what was important. I thought about the things I want accomplish in life. I had written in earlier entries about my plans for school. I wanted to major in comm and minor in philosophy. As with so many things, my priorities change. I'm ditching communications and making philosophy my focus. Why? Thinking about life is what I do and I do it well. It's something that has always fascinated me. I think about religion, belief systems and the things people do and why. I ask myself the most mundane yet interesting questions. Philosophy is where it's at, man. So that's where I'm going. I have a four year plan (that's how many more years I must endure the painful payments on my car). This is the timeframe in which I plan on achieving many goals that will allow me to accomplish what I need to do, change what I need to change and learn what I need to learn. This is the timeframe in which I need to make myself the person I wish to be as well as gain the value I need to gain.

Value, you ask? This is where the lame stuff comes in (if it hasn't already). There was someone whom I met sometime ago, not too long but it's been a bit. She taught me so much in the short time I knew her. And I continue to think about her often. It helps me to focus on what I need to do because, frankly, she is a major part of why I need to change.

She is the one that got away.

And, I believe it's because of the perceived value I had to her, or lack thereof.

Sometimes, when one meets someone who is uplifting, motivating and a positive influence, that person, too, is probably looking for the same. When that person doesn't find it, their perceived value in the other diminishes. And it breaks the deal. I found someone of tremendous value to me who I don't think found the same value in me. My value wasn't equal or higher in her eyes. And no matter how much I may have disagreed, no matter how much I may have tried, it didn't do anything to sway her opinion. Sure, I still think I hold equal or greater value but it doesn't matter what I think. Especially now. She and I are no longer in contact, which I chose.

Thinking back to those times, I only hurt the perception of me by opening my mouth and saying too much. I said things I thought would work in my favor. Some of them were true, some not... some I thought were true but in retrospect weren't. She is truly a rare breed. Someone who doesn't operate within the norms of society. That can be a good thing. And a bad one.

Anyway, I bring this up now because I need to get it out there. I need to say it so that when I read this over and over again in the coming days, months, years, I'll continually be motivated to change. I never want what happened between her and I to happen again when I meet the next right one (I don't believe in soulmates). I don't want to lose that which I know is perfect for me. She was far from perfect, but she was for me. Fortunately, there are others out there who are perfect for me. And, I believe we attract those who are right for us. It'll happen again one day, though I'm not looking for it. In order to not lose a good thing, I must bring my perceived value up. And that's a goal. Don't get me wrong. I know what my value is, and I think it's pretty god damn high. But just because I think it's high, doesn't mean others do. So, I have to accomplish things that bring the perception of value up. Whether it's a degree, a house in the burbs, a eco-friendly car, or simply a handle on life, it has to be something of value.

Like I said. I'm pretty ambitious. I'm becoming more focused. And the desire is there. Everything is falling into place.

This leads me to my final topic. My goodbye.

You brought me great joy (along with frustration and emotional confusion) in the short period of time I knew you. You helped me change my view of myself and the world around me. You gave me insight I never thought possible. I strive each day to learn and grow. You helped me become a better human being. For that I'll always be grateful. But, as life so often does, it moves on without a care or inhibition. It moves forward whether you want it to or not. And I'm moving forward. I have my memories, good and bad. And though I wish we could still be friends, chances are you've moved on, too.

I wish you well, Judy. I wish you happiness beyond belief, success beyond your dreams and a life filled with greatness. You will have a place in my heart that only a select few will ever have. You are the standard for which others must now meet.

Goodbye.

So.. enough of my rambling. I have reading to do.. I'm buried in 4 books at the moment. And, I have an interview to type up (which I'm procrastinating on).

Hmm..

So I get this call out of the blue from someone I hadn't seen in months. When I was doing temp work, before I started with the job I have now, I worked at this marketing firm. There I met this woman who was really funny and kind of cute but, at the time, I was still hung up on someone else.

I think, for once, I'm taking advantage of an opportunity. I know why she called. At least I'm going to assume that and.. when I set up our date in the coming week, it's going to end up with me getting some.

She ain't relationship material. She knows it, I know it and there's nothing wrong with that. And I'm over being the nice guy.

Maybe I'm bragging...

Or maybe I just like the vid.. I don't know..

I'm not in it, nor did I produce it but.. I have something to do with it... somehow..

Belladonna.. Pornstar..

Give it a rest, women.

I listened to Hillary Clinton's exit speech this morning. I commend her for being such a strong, independent, courageous woman who pushed the limits of what women think they're capable of. She is a woman I believe could run this country and I would vote for her if the choice were between her and McCain. And, not that I think Barack isn't any less talented, I would have chosen her over him as well because I think she has what it takes.

And yet, she says there is a glass ceiling for women, albeit with "18 million cracks" thanks to her women supporters.

I am at wit's end with this whole "women don't have the same opportunities as men" bullshit. Yes. They. Do. If they didn't, we wouldn't have seen Hillary get this far, if anywhere at all. We wouldn't have seen the many women make it as far as they have in their careers. We wouldn't have seen the suffragettes have their say. We wouldn't have seen women in history like Isabella Baumfree (Sojourner Truth), Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Amelia Earhart, Georgia O'Keefe, Rosa Parks, Billie Jean King, Gloria Steinem, Gloria Allred and countless other women who not only fought for themselves and for their causes, they fought for the women after them to have it better. But what did they do that stood them apart from other women? They fought harder, longer and more diligently to get where they got. They made an effort that was extraordinary.

Most people who succeed do so because their drive is stronger, their effort is higher, their need is greater than the average person. These women who made it are the same. I believe women have set limits on themselves because they believe, in this "patriarchal" society, that men have all the say and that men set the rules. Men have been in that position because we were placed in that position from the get go. It is what it is. We didn't limit women. They did.

If you believe there is a glass ceiling, there is a glass ceiling. And the proof is in the pudding when there are women blasting through that so-called ceiling all the time. Guess what? It shows that, really, there isn't one. You just want to make fucking excuses because you wanted it handed to you instead of going out after it. Even the feminists out there have made it because they fought hard to get it. Men fight for their shit all the time. It isn't any easier for us because we're men. In fact, the challenge is harder because many women still believe we need to pull them up with us. Fuck that bullshit. Pull your own weight up. No one is stopping you - you're perfectly capable of doing it on your own.

This mindset that women are inferior to men is a stigma you place on yourselves. You perceive it, so you believe it. Now you're fighting to abolish it when, in reality, it was never there. There are plenty of women who have "made it". It may have been a harder fight for them, in this "male dominated world", but they did it.

So what the fuck is stopping the rest of you to do what women before you have done (and, in turn, making it easier for women today to do it themselves)?

Fuck the feminists. Your time has come and gone. Get with the picture and stop complaining and start doing. Your glass ceiling is self-created. Stop thinking it's there and it will disappear.

So, Senator Clinton, there aren't 18 million cracks in your glass ceiling because, frankly, there is no ceiling at all.

And before anyone even think it, I'm not misogynistic, a sexist or a male chauvinist. So fuck you if you think I am.

Overdue Haiku

Periodically

One trips over mistakes made

Get up and go

Two less eyes look on

Relief rebounding

But only on the outside

Obliterated

Looking within for answers

Nothing is real

Her shadow cast itself

Across a dreary landscape

Formidable foe

Textbook catchphrases

It's all tongue and cheek bullshit

Gullible retards

Leaf Cuisine

Found a great place called Leaf in Culver City, CA. It's a "raw" eatery. No meat, no dairy, no animal products, period. Food was very tasty. A friend hipped me to the joint.

Their food is all natural, vegatarian fare. They've a wakame dish that's rather nice. And they have some nifty smoothies as well.

If you're ever in the area, give it a try. Check them out at www.leafcuisine.com.

Being a little "Grey".

I am a sensitive man. Sometimes, too sensitive. It is a gift and a curse. A gift because I can feel things that others cannot. I know things others fail to perceive. I understand things others cannot or do not comprehend. Unfortunately, for me, this curse of sensitivity causes a pain that no one can understand. Even those who are (as) sensitive cannot know the anguish I often experience - it's different for everyone. It is a detriment that I wish I could cut out with a dull spoon.

As I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight (it was the season finale), I realized a few things. It is better than chocolate. It is better than any show I currently watch (and that includes Heroes); it is better than those shitty reality shows that plague the airwaves; it is better than everything. It is my favourite show and I am happy to say that it rips apart my fragile emotions. It reminds me of things that are important to me. Yes, even television shows can be useful and educational, if even to ourselves. They may not cure cancer, save humanity or even bandage a boo boo but they are useful.

The word 'extraordinary' was tossed about in the show and I changed my profile to reflect how I feel about myself. Tonight's episode reminded me that I am extraordinary, just as Grey is. And you may laugh at that. You may even find me a bit mad or just a tad off my rocker. But who cares what you think? I certainly don't. I'm too involved with myself at the moment to care.

I am a sensitive man. And an extraordinary man. And Grey's Anatomy is one kickass show. And whatever you have to say, positive or otherwise, doesn't matter because the only thing that matters is what I say or think. To me.

Wow..

I'm finally finished with my first ever online college course. I don't know if I ever want to take an 8 week online course again.... especially an English course.

I think I did pretty well.. I finished it.. that's pretty good, right? I ended up missing one essay and another assignment. I'm not perfect, just close to it. ;-) Yeah, but.. the small assignments are where the points are at and I did pretty well throughout -- I always managed to do better than the average, except for a few. I'm glad it's finally done. Short classes are pretty hard, especially when you wait until the day the assignments are due to actually do them. I guess that's what makes it a challenge. And boy.. was I challenged. It was actually a good class.. with an idealistic instructor. Gotta love them. I think instructors should keep their views out of the class. Don't get me wrong, I really liked my instructor. I think she was really cool, unique and well-intentioned. She got me to think a lot. Sorta reminded me of someone I once knew. But, please.. keep the liberal, unrealistic ideology out. Unless it's a philosophy class.. then we can discuss. I can't wait to take one of those. Off-topic.

Wait. I'm liberal. But.. Still. Zip it. :-) Damn it! Where's my KPFK sticker?? Anyway..

On to other things.

My half-brother was in town. He lives in London and came to the States for a wee visit. We hung out a few of the days he was here. Went and saw the grandparents, had dinner, some drinks. It's weird to try and relate to someone I never grew up with, never knew until pretty much last year. I mean.. I want to know him, but.. I'm not going to die if I don't, ya know? But he and I had these really interesting, deep conversations. The man is insanely smart. It runs in the genes, I guess.


Stand up comedy.. yeah.. tonight was awesome! Some nights, I just hit the mark.. Most nights, I can't even hit the side of the earth.

I'm thinking about taking an improv class. A co-worker of mine's brother-in-law is an improv teacher. He teaches at UCLA, in fact. Despite that flaw (I come from a family that all either went to SC or has something to do with the school.. so FIGHT ON!), I think I'll have to check him out.

Nothing exists

I was thinking about it and.. reality is nothing exists. Time doesn't exist. Rules don't exist. Nothing.

Think about it sometime.

..Oh..

And M, I'll have a purity test up sometime soon. I've been too busy.. Finals, ya know. :)

In case you're wondering...

I found a wonderful YouTube video with many quotes from atheists (and some deists). This was one of my favorites:

"It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." --Carl Sagan


In case you're wondering.. Yes, I am.

PS: Micki from Mickipedia.com is not only an atheist, she is hot. And brilliant!

Seriously..

I'm trying to figure out what I can do to contribute to social change.

"Have blog. Will comment."

Until now, I've just commented, ranted, bitched, moaned, whined, complained about things. I've probably written a thing or two that has probably made someone think (while others just got angry. Oh well.). But it isn't enough.

What I should be doing is asking questions and offering solutions to common, everyday issues. Or, maybe offering tidbits on what one can do to buck the system. Sometimes, throwing monkey wrenches willy nilly can be good, too. But, I wouldn't suggest doing what people from Earth First! do. It may be a Hummer, but it's somebody's Hummer. Burning a dealership full of them doesn't solve a thing. It just pisses the wrong people off and pollutes the air (all that fire and stuff, ya know).

What I should be doing... Let me rephrase. What I COULD be doing. Should is the wrong word.

Ok. I'm over it now. Social change will occur with or without me. But, if someone has a good cause, contact me. I'm up for jumping someone else's train.

Oh.. my gawd!

My tagline for this blog is..

"Sometimes you just gotta say.. WTF?"

And I'm saying that now.. What the fuck?!

I had made a comment about my 1000 words of bullshit. And after seeing the grade, I have to say.. what the fuck?

I nearly fell over in disbelief. 86 / 100. WTF?

An essay that took me less than 3 hours to hastily research, write and submit. I have to tell ya.. I'm absolutely astonished that I didn't get a grade worse than that. I should have failed. Really. I'm telling you - I'm not very impressed with my own essay. It's.. terrible!

I am complaining that I got a good grade because, honestly, I don't think I deserve it.

I think I'm in shock.

Anyway.. it is what it is. I still have another essay to write.. one on stereotypes. The premise is a little hard and I'm finding it difficult to articulate what it is I want to express. This one will be a challenge.

On to other notes..

I'm in something called the Ultimate Laugh Down which is coming up next week. And I need to write my material, practice and practice some more. I've decided that I need to be more edgy. I'm a pissed off guy who has rather off-beat opinions.. and they're full of fallacies, even. I like that about my shit.. They're logically questionable, but people don't give a shit as long as they agree. Let's face it - no one really cares about my sensitivity jokes, the gay shit or even the clever wit. And they certainly don't care about the lack of confidence I've been having (due to my not practicing or knowing my material to the best of my ability). My workshop instructor says that I need to explore the stuff that really pisses me off, the stuff that I am passionately displeased with (which is almost everything these days). I'm uncomfortable talking about these things and, frankly, I don't want to be judged. But, at the same time, it's fodder that can make people laugh. And they can relate. So, I'm going to start writing about it. And I'm going to see where it takes me because the sensitive, nice guy bullshit needs to stop and because no one.. NO ONE... deserves my compassion. NO ONE deserves my kindness. No one but me, anyway. And maybe a few select people. It's how it has to be. No one likes a pussy. And it's unfortunate because it's a stereotype I seem to be all too familiar with.

Geez..

You know.. It feels awesome when your English instructor uses a paragraph you wrote (amongst others') as an example of what TO DO when following an assignment (I must say, my paragraph was the best out of the 4.. but I'm being biased. I prolly woulda got a perfect score had I not forgotten to use a title).

What sucks is that I did very poorly on the fallacies quiz and I know I totally fucked up my essay -- the subject being: why does our society continue to maintain the standard that women be thin to be attractive all the while we continue to become fatter as a society (paraphrasing, of course). I have an opinion on this, and I read many sources AND I used the ones the instructor laid out for us. Yet, I was hasty and lazy and didn't do the essay until the last moment and coupled with the fact that I wanted to go out that night, I wrote 1,000 words of bullshit nonsense. So ill-prepared and so unfocused.

I can, however, sum it up in just a few words.. it's because our society is fucked up beyond measure. That's why.

On another note - stay tuned. I had this great idea for a new story that I want to write. It'll be brilliant. Really.

I'm not saying anything..

The following photograph was forwarded to me by a co-worker. Now, I'm not saying anything about it, nor shall I make a commentary. I am merely posting it to say that I think it is rather amusing. I don't believe that it's been Photoshopped in any way and is just a freak accident.

(come to think of it, I BET the photographer did it on purpose)

So much...

As we wave goodbye to Earth Day (I guess it is two words), I must admit.. my set tonight would have been funnier had more people been in the audience to hear it.. because my Earth Day shit woulda killed. It's like that joke.. if a tree falls in the forest, is it still funny? Okay, so I embellished a bit there. Sue me. Fucker.

A few things.. Tonight was nice. I used a little liquid courage to get up on stage to do my bit. Yeah, I drank a few beers. Not enough to make me slur or anything.. It's not like I've gotten terribly drunk in the last 4 months. I've been good. I'm an emotional drinker anyway.. and those that know me know.. I'm emotional. But it helped and I think I was funnier than the last two times I've been up so, I can't complain.

Anyway, tonight. I was on later in the evening so most of the people had already left. They're all a bunch of comics anyway, those stupid pricks. I stayed for their sets, at least they could do the same and stay for mine. I applaud those that stayed the entire night. All four of them. And they were on after me so they had to stay [laugh]. No, there were a few more. But I had a great time. I was much more in the zone than last week.

Being a wanabe comic is intense. That and the logic and critical thinking class has, well.. completely fucked me up mentally. I don't know where the fuck to take my train of thought. I might as well derail the thing [ahh hahaha.. derail.. train.. get it? A joke! ........Fuck you.]

I need more stage time to get used to being in front of people. I don't know why. I've done presentations for old people about MediCare. I should be able to do anything. I digress.

On another note... which is much more serious...

A friend of mine lost a parent recently. My heart goes out to her and I can relate because I lost a parent the same way -- to cancer. And it's a terrible thing to watch someone you care for slowly fade away. You think, in those last few days, there'd be a few more and suddenly, they're gone. Gone to a better place, a place where they feel no more pain, no more suffering. Where ever they may be, it's better than here. But not for us. Not initially. Because now our pain is bad and we wish we had just one more day, hour, minute. Just one more.

It will get better. I promise. I'm sure your memories are better than what I have of my parent so relish them. Wrap yourself within them and be happy. And, remember, she lives on within you. As you are a part of her, she is a part of you. Never forget that. She will always be with you.

You had never before mentioned your belief in god to me and after she had passed you had given me some words to ponder. Though I cannot walk down the path you had gestured to me, I am still humbled by it and by the fact that your mother cared enough to think of me. And that you cared enough to share. Thank you.

Yay! It's Earthday!

So celebrate by cutting down a tree!

And driving your SUV through Central Park.

And buying CO2 credits so you can create more pollution. Like Al Gore does.

Happy Earthday everyone!

[insert stupid title here]

Hanging out with two drunk guys where one ends up taking a cab home cos he's ripped beyond recognition is not cool.

But the bar we went to was, even if I felt out of place in my suit.

You learn a lot talking to a drunk guy - one that pees freely in public places, with his dick out for everyone (including myself) to see. The only time I've ever done something like that was to show off my piercing to everyone at a party.

Yes, I was drunk.

No, I didn't get laid.

Such is life.

Today's gonna suck... what with 4 hours of sleep to be had and all.

Not even funny..

Some guy like.. killed himself at the high school I attended. Hanged himself on some fence. He didn't even go there, from what I understand. Just decided to drive on out from an adjacent city..

Fucker.

Now I need to find another school to desecrate. Can't do my Alma mater now. Just wouldn't be original, ya know??

Yes, I'm looking for a therapist.

An 88 on my first essay. I could have done better.. had I spent more than 2 hours preparing and writing it. Next essay I'll spend 4 hours. Gotta take it more seriously.

Seriously.. I'm looking for a new therapist. I swear to god.. no one is worth opening up to anymore unless I pay them to hear my shit. and right now I'm very much in need of unloading.

okay.. enough of my babble.. go on.. nothing to see here.. shew.

Sigh

So... did the taxes today.. Getting a good return. That's always nice. But that isn't the reason for this day's posting.

I was listening to NPR as I was getting something to munch on and this woman was interviewing her Born Again brother. She, of course, was a secular Jew who, I think, was a feminist lesbian. That's what she eluded to. Interesting. I often wonder.. is being a secular anything an oxymoron? I digress.

Anyway, as I was listening to this guy (who, by the way, simply pissed me off with his way of thinking.. but it isn't for me to judge. It's his life, not mine), it got me to thinking about god, not that it takes a lot for me to think about the subject. I often think about a higher power and its existence. Call it a hobby.

I was thinking about how we do think about this... higher power. My belief system tells me that one doesn't exist. But, it doesn't change the fact that I wish there was one. I'm not alone on this. I know plenty other atheists who wish there was a god character in the proverbial heavens. I wish that we weren't alone in the spiritual world and I wish there was a guiding light, if you will, to help us through this mortal coil. But, simply put, there isn't. We can look up to the skies above (I won't say heavens. There would have been an inappropriate irony there) and see the stars and planets and bodies of planetary clusters and just wonder what life is teaming out there. But, out of that teaming life there isn't one specific life form that transcends others; it isn't the one that calls itself god. Nor is it the one we, as a society, worship. We are all just molecular specks to this thing called the universe. It's like being an atomic particle in an elephant. That's what we are, essentially.

The real point I want to make though is that, while I'm sitting here wishing deep down within the cockles of my being that there was a god figure on the fringes of the universe, I think those who are god believers are, too. Deep down, you as a follower know there isn't a god. You're simply going on faith and hope, knowing that we're all alone, leaderless. Godless. We are simply on this big rock swirling through the galaxy going along for the ride.

Believe me, there are things I hope for.. and have faith that they'll one day come to fruition. Unfortunately, I know that they never will, no matter how much I pray, stay positive or ask the Universe. It just ain't gonna happen.

But hey.. at least it's a beautiful summer like day. It's fucking gorgeous. And that's something to be thankful for.

Two weeks down.. 7 More to go

Doing research papers is a bitch.

One thing I found though is that I'm amazingly UNFOCUSED. I need to do something about getting more focused, learning to get to the point faster and staying on topic. It's just not right.. Like I said, I love tangents.. not because I want to but because I'm not focused. It sucks.

Oh well.. Anyway, I just finished my paper on the subject of boys needing male teachers in order to learn better in schools. To break it down:

Boys learn better in an all male environment, with a male teacher.

Because classes are geared towards girls, and that ~58% of all teachers in this country are female, boys don't do as well in class as girls do. Boys are left feeling confused and left out, not to mention their "masculinity" is questioned.

Classes should be segregated into male and female classes. Of course, they should be taught the same things, just in different ways.

Unfortunately, Title IX doesn't allow this. Says it's discrimination against women.

So, boys must suffer in the woman's world of education. We don't learn the same way as women. Sorry. But to subject boys to the way girls learn is detrimental. There should be more research into this.

Maybe it's because of this that there are more women in college these days than men. Kudos.

Reflection..

I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to be John Cusack. I think the man is a great actor. But I wonder what he's like as a man. The real person. The one behind the characters, the one behind the actor. I greatly admire the actor and that alone makes me wish I were him, if not, at least, like him. But this is simply based on what I think the man is like; who I think he is. I don't know the man and I dare say I never will. But he is someone I greatly admire.

There are people out there that, no matter how much I've told them about me, no matter how much I've devulged, will never really know the real me. No one knows the real me. Some may think they do. They don't. No one does. Sometimes, I don't even know the real me. I'd like, for once, to have someone know the real me; to get to know me, to actually understand who I am and just... well... get me. I can tell you everything about me and you'd still not know me. You would only get an idea of who I am. You'd only think you know me. But you wouldn't.

Because, sometimes, I don't even know me.