Things I Think About Each Day

I think about many things each day. I'm always thinking. I'm always analyzing. I'm always looking at things in unique ways. It is only due to my limited intelligence that I sometimes have trouble articulating them. That's something I need to work on.

Anyway..

What is on my mind on a given day

Religion vs spirituality vs god

I think about god a lot. For an atheist, I think about god and the existence of something greater too much. To be honest, I wish there was a higher power. It would make life so much easier to relinquish some of my personal responsibility to a deity. It would make it easier because I could then think that god had a lot to do with the way things are in life, that things happen for a reason, that there is a destiny, a fate. I could get a little bit of extra comfort knowing that my personal savior is listening to my prayers and, though they're never answered, at least he's listening. And, as long as I live in a lifestyle that is somewhat respectable to god, I'll receive my rewards after I die. Something to look forward to.

So, which deity do I believe in? I mean, there must be as many deities or varieties of the same one as there are people on this planet. There are groups who believe in a vengeful god. One may believe in a loving god. Another will believe that their god hates fags. Guess what - they all believe in the same god. How does that happen? Then, what about all the other deities that exist? What if the Abrahamic god is the wrong one? Should I carry a religious trinket for every religion and deity out there? I better bring a small mini-van with me everywhere I go. Anyway, this isn't about me dogging on religion. I respect people who believe in something higher. Sometimes I'm even envious that I cannot succumb to that lower level of thought. Yes, I believe that believing in a deity is archaic and ignorant. We've been shown that what was once believed to be god-made has a much simpler explanation. But, if it makes you happier and more fulfilled, great. I'm happy for you.

Obviously, though, I have issues with this. If I didn't I wouldn't be thinking about it. Like I said, I wish there was a god. But, I also wish there was a Santa Claus and a Fountain of Youth. Nothing will convince me there is a god. Nothing short of god himself appearing before me and crapping lightning bolts will change my mind. But what about spirituality? Is spirituality exclusive to religious belief? I don't think so. And I'm coming to the realization that this is something I need in my life. And I'm going about it in a way that's good for me.

One thing though.. have faith in yourself. We control our own destiny. When you visualize, conceptualize, and bring it to fruition, nothing or no one but you did it. Don't have faith that the Universe (or a higher power) is helping you. You're your higher power. The human mind works in such powerful and wonderful ways. You are what helps you, pushes you, causes things to materialize for you. The Universe may be larger than us and we're definitely a part of it, but it certainly isn't helping us. God says he helps those that help themselves. If they help themselves, what the fuck do they need god for?


The universe, the earth and us

I was thinking about it this morning, actually.. The universe is somewhere around 13 BILLION (yes, Billion) years old, give or take a few hundred million years. The earth is around 4.6 Billion. But, that's not what I am occupying my precious time with. I was thinking about what was beyond the edge of the universe. I mean, is there a barrier there that says "Bridge Out" or some sort of wall? In the film MEN IN BLACK, there was a trinket worn by a cat that had a whole universe in it. Sometimes, I think we're just in a petree dish in some laboratory somewhere and we're just the germs on a speck in a vacuum. And, that 14B Years is actually 14 milliseconds and that once we get to 1 second our universe will fall apart and the experiment will be over. But, for us, 1000 milliseconds is forever.

Sex

It's been hard. I've been thinking about sex so much lately, more so than normal (and normal is a lot.. check out this link if you wanna know). I guess it's because I had a taste and then it was gone. And I wanted more. But how do you approach the subject when you have to tiptoe about it? When you shouldn't be so.. I dunno.. mechanical? Any normal person responds appropriately. Oh well.. It is what it is. I guess some things aren't a turn on. I'll make note of that for the next one.


Self-Improvement

This ongoing process is just awesome. Sometimes, I have to just stop and realize how much I've changed. Though I've hit some setbacks, they're just bumps in the road. I'm still working on confidence issues as well but after having a two hour argument with my roommate, I feel my confidence level has gotten a little higher. But, I digress. It's still in progress. I just have to realize the uselessness of being envious and jealous. Being envious of other peoples' accomplishments only takes away from our own. Being jealous is simply stupid. It's a sign of insecurity and a lack of confidence. Why should I be jealous of others? Who cares? I know who I am, what my strengths and weaknesses are and I know what I have to offer. If someone isn't into me, it's not my issue. Shit happens. Move on.

There are other things I think about but they're not for me to discuss. And they're not worth discussing anyway. Besides, no one ever talks about speedbumps unless they break something. These are pretty minor.

I'm listening to Adam Ant at this moment.

Fortunately, Adam Ant has nothing to do with this entry. I'm listening to a song by the Butthole Surfers now, anyway.. it's called Kuntz. I'm on the fence about it. I think it's Vietnamese or maybe it's some other Asian language. Hell.. who cares? And now it's the Bangles. Walk Like an Egyptian. I really need to fix the order in which the songs play on my WinAmp player. I digress.


I work near LAX. So during my lunch break, I'll often drive to the beach to enjoy the quiet atmosphere (minus the planes flying over and the water breaking on the beach) because there aren't many people there during work hours. It offers me time to think, reflect and to enjoy the moment.

Today, there was a film crew there getting ready to film scenes for a movie or tv show. Sorry, don't know which or for what but.. I wasn't really too interested. I was more interested in the planes flying overhead. Though the noise was deafening, it was somewhat fascinating to watch these behemoths soar overhead to an unknown destination.

Anyway.. I love the beach. There's something about the sand, the water, the wind, the scent.. It's all intoxicating. I was at the Manhattan Beach pier yesterday. I watched as the surfers tried to catch mediocre waves. This is the one thing I'm going to miss about this job - being able to get to the beach just to hang out. It's a temp job, by the way. I start my real job on Monday.

And getting back to the airplanes taking off from LAX. It's just fucking awesome. There are spots along different streets adjacent to the airport where people just watch the planes take off. It's such a simple pleasure. I prefer watching from the beach myself but one can see the actual take-offs and landings from these street locations. I can watch them from the parking structure next to my building, actually. It's pretty sweet. I've always liked airports, airplanes and the sound of jets roaring along the tarmac. These and more bring back childhood memories of traveling the world (I was 4.. the world could've been a trip to Pacoima for all knew).

I'm feeling calm. Content. Secure. I'm feeling fucking awesome.

I'll add the pictures later. They're on my phone. Until then, I'll just enjoy Erasure's Love to Hate You, which is now playing.

Oh how divine..

Today I stopped by a favorite place - a local wine bar. I just wanted to get a glass before going home (I went shopping for new clothes.. NEW CLOTHES! Giddy, I tell you).

It was absolutely brilliant.

With it, I had the Three Cheese Ravioli. I savored it. Each bite was rich, soft, succulent. Each morsel a joy. I closed my eyes with each bite, I masticated slowly.

The wine tasted of apples and pears. Of course, that's what it says in the little cork-covered menu. This time I tasted it. The acidity of the Pinot Gris. The tannens. So good.

Sometimes, deliberately eating something can be so enjoyable. Sit and eat with purpose. Enjoy each bite. Savor it. I did, for once. Wonderful.

Everything You Wanted to Know but...

Actually, the title is misleading. There's nothing here you wanted to know and I'm certainly not going to tell you if you ask. Well, it may depend on what you ask but otherwise.. no.

So today was just one of those days.. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the planet or something but it just wasn't a good day. I was rather unhappy today. Maybe it was something that happened in my childhood or something that came back to haunt me (doubt it, but it sounds good, right?) but I was just not a happy camper. My mood was just horrible. So, I decided to go out.. have a few drinks and watch Boston clinch the World Series (at the time of this writing, they hadn't yet.. but, I'm sure they will). A few beers, a nice dinner (fish. It was rather nice) and some chocolate cake (a little dry, but the ice cream helped).

The highlight of my day was just making fun of the emo kids under my breath as they passed in droves. I've decided that from now on, I shall refer to them as emotards. They know not what emo is. They've bastardized the concept. They're all so fucking stupid. They should Wikipedia that shit and realize that they're just whiney little brats with bad haircuts.

A word to you emotards... make the world a happier place. Go kill yourselves.

Hmm, that kind of takes away the wind from my whole I'm-not-a-happy-camper rant. Well, fuck that. I'm not emo. I don't sport eyeliner, black make up and tight black stretch pants. With a white belt. Goths do it so much better anyway. Fucking emotards.

Anyway, I have some issues I need to sort out. And those issues are sending me full tilt. And I'm not liking it. Seriously, I need to start meditating. Oh yeah, one needs privacy for that. Or at least a quiet space. I'm going to break out in six months. I've decided to move up my timetable (it was a year). I've got nothing better to do anyway.

Well, this entry has gotten all scattered.. I guess I'll just take the vodka bottle and have myself a few shots before calling it a night. It's going to be a busy week.

Haiku for a new generation

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I like to write haiku. I present to you a new batch for your consideration.

Halloween Candy
Abundant like seawater
Temporary Lapse

A warm wet feeling
Crimson dripping to the floor
Shower stream comforts

Multivitamins
Beneficial little pills
Streaming yellow pee

No more tomorrow
Greater sense of urgency
It's time for coffee

I'm feeling creme-filled
But it's really strawberries
Champagne and O.J.

Under the white skirt
The green g-string underwear
Nightmares in my sleep

The pinprick of light
So far down the corridor
Beginning and end

So much to do...

There is a saying... live each day as if it were your last. I now have this urge, a want.. a need to live as though my life were going to end tomorrow. But..

I don't know where to start.

I have many paths to choose from. I don't know which one to take first, which one to discard, which one to come back to. Damn it, I wish life wasn't so.. linear.

In any case, I have a desire to take one. Before, it was like.. hmm.. those look like neat little pathways. I wonder where they lead. Now, it's.. Fuck! I need to go that way! But, I don't really know which way that 'way' is. Now is the time to change that. It doesn't matter anymore which way to go. Just pick one. And have fun with it. If it's not the right path, choose another. Don't dwell. After all, there isn't enough time for that.. especially if you're gonna die tomorrow.

Oh.. and if you get a chance, tell someone you're fond of you'd like to spend the night with them. You won't know until you try. And if they say 'no' or.. better yet.. don't believe you -- keep trying.

Frustration makes the world go 'round

"Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still good."
--Unknown

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. The act of sex. Making love. Coitus (I'm sure it's Latin but.. WTF?! Coitus? It sounds like the noise a bedspring would make when you sit on a squeaky bed. An onomatopoeia, if you will). The horizontal mambo. Fucking.

Whatever you call it, it's been two fucking years since I've had it. And now that I've been talking about it more with someone of the female persuasion, it brings the fact home that I'm missing it. A lot.

Sex is a beautiful thing. It's a primal thing. It's an act that two people (or more, if you're into that sort of thing) participate in using instinct and learned technique to gratify one another. It's something two people do to share themselves with each other. It's something that releases tension. It's self-expression. It's teaching and learning. It's just fucking awesome (is there a double entendre in there?).

When you meet someone you think you can get nekkid with, it's a wonderful thing. Of course, there are those out there that can get nekkid with anyone and can pretty much share themselves with two or three wonderful cuties a week (some, a day.. you guys are just crazy). But some of us think it's a little more special than that and no matter how much we want it, we have to wait until there is a special moment to do it.

But goddamn it! I'm about to go crazy! And masturbation only goes so far.

I guess I'll just have to kick it up a notch.. Masturbation 5x a week.. Maybe twice a day..

Note to self: Buy more lotion.

Change

"We either adapt to change.... or we get left behind."

-Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

Change is inevitable. Things change, people change, everything changes. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And, yes, adapting to those changes can sometimes be hard. But, if we don't adapt, we can get left behind.

I'm in the process of changing AND adapting.

I'm at the beginning of something extraordinary. It's positive and not so positive. It's painful yet relieving. It's inviting yet scary. It's yin and yang.

I watched Grey's Anatomy this morning - online rebroadcasts are great. It's funny how even in television shows we see messages that help us understand ourselves, help us to move on our way, however cheesy that may be. I've been noticing a lot of coincidences happening lately, though certainly last season and the one before had them as well, but just not as noticeable as now. And, on a tangent, I'm becoming convinced that these coincidences are something.. though I will not say what.

Change is good and bad but it's always something necessary for one to grow. I'm changing for the better as it's the only way I can go now.

"It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying."

Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

Certainly, I will go through the pains of growth but I know I will come out of this better than I came into it. It's going to be a painful journey but I can do it. I've done a lot of things in my life that were painful. What's so different about this? (I'll have to answer that rhetorical question - this time I'm more aware)

The first step is always the hardest and, for me, the scariest. What's harder is finding the path to take. But, I'm on my way.

Someone told me once that I was amazing. Yes, I am. I am amazing. I am tooting my horn because I can. And as long as I believe that, amazing things will happen.

And to that person who told me I was amazing -- you are amazing, too. And.. thank you.

Fiction

I'm finding that I want to write more and this is just something I came up with while looking at the moon last night. It was rather brilliant. The following is fiction. And practice.

---

It seemed amazing how the midnight sky was illuminated by the full moon. Staring, I could almost see the craters that pocked the surface of the celestial satellite. Pulling back my focus, I was able to see the lunar halos that shone almost as brightly as the moon itself. Some believed that the halos meant that bad weather was approaching. Fortunately, there was not a cloud in the sky to really substantiate the myth.

I continued to stare. Something about the light just caught my attention. How many others were looking at the moon tonight? How many were melancholy, content or even happy right now? How many people were thinking about their lives while gazing upwards? How many wanted to die?

It's just a moon, a planetary body in tow slowly pulling away from the Earth. It affects our world in many ways. Some believe it affects even our moods and personalities. But, still...

The light of the moon bathed the park and surrounding areas. Shadows danced as the breeze made the tree branches sway and the bushes tremble. I walked along the empty park path which aligned itself next to a steep drop to the ocean below. The only hindrance being a small, unimposing wall. It was eerily quiet. The only sounds were the crashing waves below.

I walked with no real purpose. There were no sights to see, there were no people to watch and there were no interests to be had. In the distance, the light from a historical light house swept the sky. I had a destination, though, and I was coming upon it quickly.

I continued to look up at the moon. Its light was strangely comforting. Looking closer at it, it looked as though it had its own countries, its own continents, it’s own cycle of life. It’s known that there are no inhabitants on the moon. But, what if there were? Would they be looking back up into the sky at Earth, wondering about the same things I was wondering about? Did the Earth’s rays shine brightly on the moon? Would they be melancholy, happy, indifferent?

I reached the point in the park where I needed to be. Benches, picnic tables and barbecue stations surrounded me. The smell of wet grass permeated the air. The small wall was easily scalable and soon I was looking over the precipice to the crashing waves below. The soft light mixed with the shadows amongst the rock formations, fooling my mind into thinking that imaginary people walked the rocky shores below. I could picture their gazes upon me, their beck and call for me to join them. The silence of the night also played tricks on my hearing. I could almost hear their voices telling me it was okay.

I sat at the edge, tired and broken. Cheeks wet from the tears that had fallen down my face. I couldn’t stop looking at the moon. Its glow was soothing, its presence comforting. I was not alone in the world as the moon was my connection with others. They were receiving the gift of its comfort, bathing in its light and finding its surface features, too. There were others out there as tired and broken as me. But they weren’t sitting on the edge of oblivion. They were on their porches, at their bedroom windows, in their backyards. And soon, they would be safe in their beds, dreaming of the next day, the next moon. They would be dreaming of their futures. The only thing I dream of is not dreaming anymore.

I inched nearer to the edge. Rocks that were once at my feet were now on their way to the surface below. Why am I here? What drove me to this point? Was this it? Fear of living was now conflicting with the fear of dying. Did the others before me feel the same? Did they have second thoughts? Did they even think? I wish I knew. Their spirits didn’t comfort or console me. I was left to deal with my fate alone. I just hope I choose the right path and that it leads me to where I have to be. Until then, I will gaze at the moon, knowing I’m not alone in that.

The Secret

Has anyone read this book or seen the film? I've nearly completed the book and I must say, I'm not impressed.

A little about it - The Secret is a self-help book that goes on about the concept of positive thinking. But, they wrap it in something called the Law of Attraction. The idea is simple - think about what you want, ask the Universe* for it, feel as though you have already attained what was asked for in question and, through positive thought and feeling, you will get what you ask for. Doesn't matter how big or small, what you ask for is what you will receive from the Universe*.

First thing's first, I believe in positive thought. I have used it many times and it has successfully transformed into reality. However, I am not sure The Secret's message is entirely up to par.

See, there's no such thing as the Law of Attraction. At least, there's no scientific backing of it. According to the entry in Wikipedia on Scientific Law:

A scientific law, is a law-like statement that generalizes across a set of conditions. To be accorded law-like status a wide variety of these conditions should be known, i.e. the law has a well documented history of successful replication and extension to new conditions. Ideally boundary conditions, where the law fails, should also be known.

A scientific law concerns the physical or social world, it therefore must have empirical content and therefore be capable of testing and potentially Analytic statements that are true or false by logic alone are not scientific laws, though may feature as part of scientific theories.

The concept of a scientific law is closely related to the concept of a scientific theory. A scientific law attempts to describe an observation in nature while a scientific theory attempts to explain it.

Sure, there maybe some anecdotal evidence of the Law of Attraction, but nothing scientific.

But what's the difference between positive thinking and this Law of Attraction, you ask? Simple, I think. Positive thinking is the act of thinking positively (duh?). You think about something you want to do, you imagine the outcome of that activity and do what needs to be done to see the outcome. Let's apply it to weight loss. You are fat. You first need to want to lose the weight. Then, you imagine yourself at the target weight. You use affirmations like, "I can do it," or "it's within my grasp," or "it's possible." You next take the steps to lose the weight like exercise, diet modification and lifestyle changes. Over time, you lose the weight. No need to ask the Universe* to give it to you.

If you have a negative attitude, of course it won't work. Or, it's just a lot harder to achieve.

Asking the Universe* to give you something seems to be a little far-fetched as well. I mean, it's the UNIVERSE. Now, you'll notice that I've placed asteriks next to the word Universe. Why? I think it is simply a term used in place for the concept of God. We're asking GOD for something. And, instead of asking, try placing the word PRAY in there. We're PRAYING to GOD for something we want. I don't believe in a god and there have been studies indicating that prayer is useless. I cite a three-year Study of the Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer (STEP). It studied the affects of prayer on heart surgery patients (1800 of them) and there was no significant affect. In fact, those that knew they were being prayed for had higher complications of heart arrhythmias. It is suggested that this was due to negative thinking. Just to point out, the study did say that prayer may be more affective when it's loved ones who pray for you. But this is inconclusive (this would also be a sign of positive thought). I would also like to point you to this blog that showed studies of the affects of prayer that say they worked, but really didn't (it's a personal blog, but I found the info interesting):

http://skeptico.blogs.com/skeptico/2005/07/prayer_still_us.html

So, if prayer doesn't work, does asking the Universe to grant us want we want work? I don't think so. And what about all of those poor, unfortunate people in the world? I mean, if asking the Universe is so easy, why aren't they being helped? Why are the millions of starving people in the world still starving? Why are there millions of people in the world still unnecessarily dying? Why do I not have a fucking job yet?? Can't we just ask the Universe, feel as though we already got it and then receive? I don't think so. Think of it this way - even if the Universe was a living being, how would it be aware of you? We are but atoms to the Universe. Are we aware of single atoms in our body? If an atom asked us to do something for it, would we know?

I may be being a little negative. The Secret does impart the message of thinking positively. And I've lost focus on the concept. I've set my mind to things and they've come to fruition, I know it works. But I don't think that asking the Universe for something is going to get it. And I don't think that just thinking about something will achieve it.

We have to believe in ourselves. Believe in what we can do. And believe that anything within reason is attainable. Once the ball is rolling with thought, take action. Always be aware that your actions help or hinder you. Take actions that will help you. Try to stay away from actions that hinder you. Simple advice, yes. Do people follow that advice? No, including myself.

Life is so simple. But we complicate it so much, no wonder why we think it's so hard. But what do I know? I'm entirely too negative to begin with. Of course, I'm trying to change this.

Eh.. I'll keep my mind open on this one... I'm currently reading the transcripts to a Larry King show that had proponents to positive thinking on. Some of them were even featured in The Secret.

Response to comment on "Am I Sexist?"

To my Anonymous commenter:

There has been some OMGWTF PWNAGE here. But, I expected that and, though you may not believe me, I've been educated. I’ll try to rebut some of your points to the best of my ability. Also, I agree with some of your points despite some of the cheap shots you took at my car and me. Admit it, though.. you like my car! The response is too long to make it a comment so I've made it a new entry.. I've [snipped] out unneeded verbosity, though this does not suggest it’s unimportant. It’s just for brevity. Anonymous' comments are italicized.

[Snip]

First, let’s consider the refreshing possibility that objectifying women does not demean them.Incidentally, I wouldn’t condemn either women or men for objectifying themselves should they do so. Despite the education you claim is available to all and sundry, self-objectification still happens most generally out of ignorance, because, as you point out, the media still bombards us with images that present women, and now men, as sexualized objects. Education is harder to get our heads around than images--and it’s very hard to decode the cultural values embedded in “entertainment” without specific tools.

"...self-objectification still happens most generally out of ignorance..."

Mostly out of ignorance. Really? I have to disagree. I believe they know exactly what they're doing. It's their need for attention. I believe they want to be seen and will do anything to get the attention they crave. After the deed, though, they may feel slightly stupid or foolish for doing whatever it was they did because they realize it was inappropriate. As for advertisements bombarding us with "images that present women, and now men, as sexualized objects." Again, this is simply a mirror of our society. Adverts or no, there will exist in our society men and women who will perpetuate this attitude that they need to be objects.

[snip]

There’s also a very codified power dynamic that goes along with this mechanics of sexuality. I call it mechanized because its rules are so rigid that the expression of sexuality it produces can be likened to a porn loop. Man requests woman passing by to expose her breasts, woman complies, man gets off. Quite a scenario.

Are you suggesting that there is a rule that women don’t or can’t get off in this scenario? There is something called Exhibitionism where people get off on showing their nude bodies to strangers. But women can never be exhibitionists, right? It’s just a male thing. [rhetorical]

Perhaps the power play here is less obvious than what happens with what we can call the“pay-per-sexual arousal” approach. Let’s say a man or woman pays for some degree of access--ranging from mags to porn to prostitution--to a certain set of behavior and body presentations that are commonly regarded as sexy in our culture. The sex worker in the given transaction performs sexuality according to prescribed rules of sexual expression. Gratification or arousal ensues (or doesn’t). Game over until next sexual craving occurs. What is critical to note here is that the power is in the hands of the purchaser, who regulates the transaction. The sexual service rendered is one which unquestioningly conforms to pre-existing standards of what is supposed to arouse and gratify and in any case is subject to the purchaser’s fancy. The power of money defines the service or product. There’s no creativity on the part of the service-provider here. Nor are his or her wishes of any particular interest to the buyer who wants to get off.

There is some debate here where the power may lie. Is it in the hands of the purchaser or is it in the hands of the sex-worker? Some feel as you do and some feel that the person who controls the sex controls the power. If possible, try watching the docu-series "Cathouse" on HBO. It's about a bunch of prostitutes in a brothel. They all claim they hold the power over the people who buy the sex. They're the ones who control what is doled out. They're the ones who give what they want to give and they take the customer's money. It's the power of sexual gratification that defines how much money should be spent.

Now, why would women do this for free, you ask, as when they flash their breasts simply in support of Tom? And isn’t doing this for free a clear indicator that they aren’t in the money/power feedback loop described above? It would certainly seem thus. This is where people like Tom could use a little scrutiny because of their views on women. I’ll quote you on Tom’s belief that women are gold-diggers: “They’re also brought up to take advantage of men.” (And here’s a brief digression on the historical “advantage” of women who marry men. When have men sought the position of housewife, given that through much of history the term meant little more than domestic servant?

Gender roles. Men have ALWAYS been the hunters, gatherers, protectors, breadwinners. Women have ALWAYS been the nurtures, mothers, housewives. Why would that role ever change? And when did the term "domestic servant" come into play? And who coined it? Certainly not men.

Let’s not forget that the feminist revolution of the 60s and 70s was a direct product of the disgruntlement experienced by the perfect housewives of the 40s and 50s--thank God for them--who found that they weren’t quite getting such a good deal by marrying “providers”! Sorry, friend, but despite your claims to the contrary, your words show that you’ve absorbed enough of what we can affectionately call Tom-speak to be able to regurgitate it without recognizing its source).

First and foremost, I've held the notion that some women are gold-diggers long before I listened to Tom, as gold-digging women have existed long before Tom ever hit the airwaves. His radio show simply validates my opinion, though you may disagree that he validates anything. I bring up the example I've told you before where a woman I know was taught since childhood that she should find a rich man so that she can be taken care of. I don't think this is an isolated case. It's been hypothesized that both men and women are programmed (not brought up to, mind you) to look for and pursue certain characteristics in either sex. Men look for specific facial features, "child-bearing" hips, etc. We look for women that can propagate the species and are physically attractive. Women look for men who can protect and provide for them. They look for security. And the feminist revolution of the 60's and 70's was about women empowering themselves to become the best they could be. It was a movement that gave women a voice and power in a male-dominated society. I don't believe it had anything to do with disgruntled housewives. And, to let you know, I have no problems with this. I applaud it. Women should have more power and control in society. They are equal to men in my eyes. As for the feminist movement today, it simply perpetuates the notion that women are still victims, when they are no longer that. The feminist movement, much like affirmative action, which forces equality in the workplace, continues to send a message that women still need help in this society when they really don't. Like I had pointed out previously, more women are attending school than men. There are more female doctors, lawyers, governors, CEOs, etc than there ever has been. And they can still come home and choose to be housewives, too, if they want (and they do, because women are inclined ("programmed") to be nurturers).

Back to the point. Without having listened to his show frequently enough to say this for certain, I’d still be willing to wager a tidy sum that getting women to do things like bare their breasts to random strangers for free is one of Tom’s personal goals. He gets off on the idea that he’s encouraging men to screw women over, quite literally. Why? Maybe because he feels he’s been burned by money-grubbing women. Bad pre-nups, perhaps. Who knows and who cares? But there’s a cultural phenomenon attached to the concept of goading, taunting, baiting and/or otherwise signaling women to sexualize themselves for the viewing pleasure of men.

I couldn't say for certain if it's one of his personal goals so you shouldn't either. Speculation. Moot point. And how does one bait women to show their breasts off to men, especially by a radio personality? There is no reward for them to do so. Apart from a caller or two who brags on the air they are doing the ‘flashing,’ there is no reward other than maybe self-gratification (which leads back to the Exhibitionist theory). Certainly they aren't doing it for Tom, personally, because he cannot see the action.

It’s not unique to Tom--he surely didn’t come up with the idea. His reductionist belief that women want men for status and money while men want women for sex leads him to say, hey, let’s give men a heads-up on this so that we can manipulate women into sex without offering status in return before women can manipulate us into offering money and status--which, presumably, they’ll take, and then promptly cheat on us with our buddies. Or some such paranoid line of reasoning. I’m not going to bother dissecting Tom’s embittered paranoia here. Simply put, the act of getting women to perform sexual acts or be otherwise sexually provocative for nothing in return involves power, or makes certain men feel that they have attained a kind of power. From the other perspective, simply getting someone to perform sexual rituals can also be seen as a power play that can produce erotic pleasure, regardless of whether or not we return the sexual favor by offering gifts, money, marriage, or whatever else. The link between power plays and erotic pleasure is fairly well established in our culture, as Abu Ghraib brought home to us so vibrantly.

We don't know if those pictures from Abu Ghraib showed erotic pleasure, though they were definitely exposing power-hungry men AND women who enjoyed their positions of authority. But I don’t understand how a woman who performs sexual acts for nothing involves power. If you mean she is coerced into having sex, yes I’ll agree with that. If she does it on her own volition, there is no power. There is equality. She wants to perform and the man wants to be gratified. I admit, though, that I may be missing the point here.

What kinds of power are exerted to get girls to “go wild,” for instance? Does the power of celebrity turn on the girls? Do the boys who watch the girls obeying orders to perform sexual acts feel vicariously as though they’d exerted this power? What kind of a turn on is this? For the girls, is it the lure of obtaining merchandise or momentary celebrity? Heck, let’s not forget the mere pleasure of the act itself, though interviewers of girls who have gone wild have discovered that the girls don’t necessarily enjoy the shows they put on for their avid fans--see Arielle Levy again on this in her book _Female Chauvinists: The Rise of Raunch Culture_.

I'm sure that I could find enough interviewees to validate the idea that women LOVE to exhibit themselves in such a way and that they get a sense of pleasure out of it. And the only power exerted on these women is the power of attention, because those women are usually low in self-esteem and crave attention.

So what kinds of pleasure do observers feel when they see women agree to requests to “go wild”? And why don’t men “go wild” at the behest of women so very often? Would they perhaps feel humiliated or less “manly” were they to accede to requests to display their sexual availability, receptivity, etc.?

Men do "go wild" at the behest of women. Chippendale's, various Vegas acts for women, male strippers, etc. We may not see it in clubs as much where individual men are doing it, but it's out there.

And since we’re on the subject, let’s be more specific. Why would many straight men over thirty feel uncomfortable at the thought of being a sex-worker of some kind, be it a boy gone wild, a stripper, or a porn star, even if they had the body for the job? Here’s a wild speculation--I’d say it may well be because they’d feel vulnerable and disempowered, at the mercy of those who would objectify them.

Do they? Yes, you are speculating.. WILDLY. I even told you -- if I had the physique, I wouldn't have a problem doing porn. And if I feel that way, I know there are plenty of men out there that would feel the same. If there is fear, I'd chalk it up to the fact that we're afraid someone else's penis is bigger than our own. That is a genuine insecurity. Such is because we're told that 'bigger is better.'

I qualify with the words, “over thirty,” for the obvious reason--men and boys are indeed being drawn into the sex industry alongside women. It’s becoming a hell of a lot easier for them to do to their bodies precisely what women do to theirs, and for very similar reasons. However, it’s still a lot easier for a woman who’s already grown up accustomed to the notion that she’s supposed to show off her body (which she’s also worked at to make sexy-looking)..

Just to interject - it is a well-known fact that men are attracted to women's LOOKS. Wouldn't it make sense that, because of this, women need to make themselves up and be SEXIER to get a mate?

..to get into the sex-work industry than it is for a man, who, if he were going to do sex-work of any kind (for free or not), would, in any case, have to struggle against standards of masculinity that demand that he be “in control,” emotionally unexpressive (let’s not forget that most sexual expression captured in porn-like settings demands that women and sometimes gay men be very expressive. Men may need to come, but women are called upon to demonstrate their pleasure, their loss of self-control, etc., etc.), as well as tough and able to take pain without flinching. Heads-up to enterprising women: this last criterion makes men ideal candidates for humili-porn. Exploit this niche market now…

Porn isn't about watching the man perform, as most viewers are male. It's about watching the woman perform. It is also fantasy. So no one's paying attention to any of the man's emotional or sexual expressions he may have. He is simply a tool to get the woman off so that men can watch her (traditional, non fetish porn that is). And, just to let you know, women are paid more than men in the porn industry. Also, women consumers have become "surprisingly comfortable with adult films and now account for approximately 40% of all porn rentals" (Source: ASKMEN.COM).

[snip]

To reiterate the point made initially, then, regardless of the object-making process that dominators try to enact for their own sense of pleasure/power, the people involved are not demeaned, unless, of course, they feel that they are. This is not to say that they aren’t oppressed in one form or another. Here’s where the question of free choice comes in. With slavery and colonization, it’s easy to spot the oppressors because they’re the ones cracking the whip. Oppression gets a bit more subtle when it morphs from the whip into ideology, in this case, the ideology of doing what it takes to please men, whether it be dressing, sculpting one’s body, and behaving in certain codified, tiresomely familiar ways, or not. Much has been written on how we adopt ideologies into our lives, how we are interpellated [sic] into them, and how we may subvert them. What you allude to in your discussion of changes in global culture in the twentieth century and earlier are the changes in the way power is exerted. As our constitutions have been amended to include more rights for all people, regardless of color, gender, corporate status, etc., we’ve moved more or less away from the position where it was okay to abuse certain groups of people simply because of their status as other. Also, the American brand of capitalism combined with a federalist republican form of democracy allowed for the emergence of a middle class with enough purchasing power to educate far more of its kids than ever before in history--girls and boys--and well enough so they could all (or many of them) jump on the capitalist treadmill. I’m simplifying because I don’t want to get the Marxist lineup of scholars out now and start quoting, but here’s how ideology interpellates [sic] us under capitalism today. We grow up surrounded by cultural standard-bearers--from books to television, movies, religion (disseminated often via parental indoctrination) and most obviously, advertising--which explain to us what it means to be successful as a human being. Some of these models are more subtly propagated than through bald-faced advertising, where the product is clearly labeled, though we’ve all noticed how advertising has cottoned on to the notion that the best way to sell product is to sell values and emotional packages. The product is now tucking itself coyly behind tropical fantasies of ecstasy and power. There’s not a single standard--not even the one that calls for “rugged individualism”--which hasn’t been co-opted by one industry or another to sell a product, be it a jeep or shaving cream.

The end-goal? Because these standards are attached to products and services that purport to deliver success to us, what happens in capitalism is that we put our noses to the grindstone so that we can give ourselves access to the products that will deliver our values to us. Beauty is something we need to work for, quite literally, since makeup and implants cost money. So does the gym we go to to maintain the figure deemed appropriately sexy, and so does the cute car with the fancy paint job--the one that we’re told attracts sexy women and arouses the competitive spirit of men. Oh, wait, we’re not just told this--it actually does this, and the pleasure we get from showing up guys who can’t quite race us and from women who might be sufficiently impressed by our sportiness as to show us their breasts is a real one. Worth the cost, no doubt. So what if business owners naturally chuckle at this on their way to the bank? Where’s the problem, you ask? This is simply capitalism at work, no? We have the choice whether or not to buy a fancy car or fancy implants. Capitalism offers us nothing if not choices. Turn on the television and there are hundreds of options. Go to a market and there are thousands of products, each with its own unique brand, offering its own microcosm of value--Tony the Tiger, let’s say, if you’re a little kid who wants a fantasy along with yourbreakfast cereal. Tiger Woods-sponsored timepieces if you’re a bit older and want a watch endorsed by a major sports figure. Purchasing power itself is branded with an aura which hints to us that every time we make a purchase we are actually buying our way to greater freedom. What gets shunted to the side in the glory of the transaction and the afterglow of its side-effects (e.g., flaunting the watch or the cereal-box toy or the body parts or the car to awed friends and strangers) is that much of what we buy is controlled by a relatively small number of companies with “diversified” product lines, and that each industry follows a rigid set of standards. Sure, there are evils such as price-fixing (anyone notice the recent Supreme Court ruling that knocked out an early twentieth ruling barring price floors?) but worse yet, these same companies are at great pains to influence government, from environmental regulations to media regulations, allowing, in the latter case, for an alarming rate of consolidation, so that most major media outlets are owned by a small number of companies who (and I say “who” because we all know that companies are people too, and certainly have more rights) cater to their advertisers who sell products remarkably similar to the entertainment provided by the advertising. Boundaries between advertising and entertainment continue to blur.

I have no argument there. None. So you can say I agree with you, except the sly barbs about me and my car. Which, again, you said you liked. :-)

[snip]

“Working on the prejudices of the people” is a condensed, pithy remark. Again, you suggest this in your discussion of advertising.

Yes. Again, advertising is simply a mirror of what society already is or already wants. It's simply given to them in a stylized manner. It reinforces their desires. So when you point out that adverts carry images of Corona Lights on a sandy Mexican beach or the “Swedish Swim Team” in an Old Milwaukee commercial, it's what we fantasize about. And when we see beautiful women selling a Sprite in their underwear, it's a tool to sell through sexual imagery, which is what is already on the minds of most men anyway (and some women). Plus, people are becoming more and more ADD. It's the TIVO age where the attention span is getting smaller and smaller. Entertaining and provocative advertising campaigns have to push the boundaries as people become less and less interested in those adverts. I might point out that the most watched advertisements are during the Superbowl and I don't recall that many sex-laced ads. So who's at fault? Society or the ad agencies?

[snip]

[my blathering on snipped]

A noteworthy point: you suggest initially that sex “damages” without discussing how it does this or what might be wrong with it--it would be useful if you could clarify your position on that.

Simple. In American society, sex has a negative connotation. Our Puritanical background tells us that sex is wrong. We should be guilty for having sex. It's only to be used for procreation. So what happens when you say it's bad or you say NO to someone? They just want to do it more. Then when they finally do engage in sex, they're wrought with guilt or fear or whatever because they just did something naughty. And what’s bad is that women have it even worse than men because they're labeled 'sluts' or 'whores' when they give it up so easily. Men are thought of as 'studs' and 'players'. I think men can be sluts and whores just as much as women can be stud(ettes?) and players. This, I think constitutes “damage” to women.

But the larger issue here of trends in advertising doesn’t address what, for lack of a better term, we may as well call “advertainment”--the fact that so much of what we see on television and even read in our books and magazines comes packaged with subtle calls for us to purchase products and services, very many of which are designed merely to coat or resurface us. Polishing products. I equate a fancy car with a facial--both offer us polished exteriors designed to make us sexually attractive to others. They may offer us a sense of power as well. I cannot begin to express how disgusted I am by pulp writers today who are willing to put product placements for cars and clothes (among other things) in the trash they try to pass off as readable fiction. But it’s interesting that you suggest that advertisers are backing off from the tactics of the past. Without being particularly well exposed to some of the most expensive advertising around these days, I’d still say that what’s actually happening is that it’s going undercover, hiding behind the language of emotion now offered on shampoo bottles that claim to wash our spirits as well as our hair, while giving us the fantasy of an exotic eco-tour deep into the heart of the Brazilian rainforest, where rare but sustainably harvested plant species are grown not just to replace the moisture in our hair but also to help otherwise poor natives live whole, happy lives as they supply us with product. Imagine. And this is just one example. It’s not particularly suited to the subject at hand but I think it makes the point aptly enough.

I was only talking about print ads. And there have been companies who recognize that sexism is wrong, or at least try to equal it out (again, I mention Coca-Cola with their Diet Coke campaign). But I can agree with your points on this one.

Getting back to it, the subject of how education works for us today and who’s out there knocking at our doors trying to educate us or “women in need” so that they “understand what they’re doing” if they choose porn or prostitution for their careers, I think it’s a little naïve to suggest that education seeks out students. People need to want to learn, and when it comes to making money, that’s usually when people stop studying and start working.

I was probably pulling the education thing out of my ass. Though there are certainly groups such as religious organizations and women's rights groups who do seek out victimized women and help them. Education is probably the wrong word and I shall concede.

Money under capitalism is self-propagating. It seeks to make more of itself and we are its tools. In the market system learning is discouraged unless it involves learning to do what it takes to make more money.

I agree that we are tools to capitalism. But, I disagree about education. Otherwise, we’d see more business related courses in our high schools and more classes geared to teaching our youth how to make it in a capitalist society. Not until we get to college do we have an opportunity to learn about business and ways to make money.

Yes, absolutely, no sane person over the age of eighteen is exempt from personal responsibility for their career choices or sexual expression. It’s up to them to decide what to do for their sustenance based on the best of their abilities and in accordance with their desires and creative aspirations. Just as I wouldn’t condemn them for choosing the sex industry, I don’t condemn women or men for exploring and enjoying the tedious pre-set sexual roles endorsed by the sex and “advertainment” industries--with the important exception that if real torture is involved, it’s probably a bad thing. If people get off on having their balls nailed to step-ladders, okay, but I say they need help. If they get off on the tamer stuff of boys and girls gone wild, well, there’s no denying that their pleasure is real. If you get off on getting girls to go wild for you--tucked behind the largely symbolic gesture of headlights turned on in honor of Tom, so be it. I’ve got an issue with it, you could say. I hope I’ve explained it sufficiently, and though I could certainly say more, I’ll stop here.

I don't get off on keeping my headlights on hoping that women will flash me. The chances are slim that it will ever happen and I don’t go out on Fridays with my headlights on hoping it will happen. (I know that you'll ask that, if there were a higher chance of it happening, would I go out on Fridays more? And just to answer that, No, I wouldn't because it's not worth the gas or time involved to find a cheap thrill.) I turn on my lights on Fridays specifically to show that I listen to Tom. And maybe I do keep them on for the potential entertainment value they encite, however unlikely that may be. But, again, as I've told you - I do not follow Tom's "rules" when I engage women. I've proven this time and again each time we've gone out. And if someone gets off on stapling their balls to a ladder, so be it. You say they need help but that's your view. Who's to say they have anything wrong with them? Live and let live. If they're happy stapling their balls to something, it's their business. By you saying there's something wrong with it, you're just judging their lifestyle. I’m sure there are those out there who would object to your lifestyle. But, as long as you’re happy with it, who cares?

But I will address your last two questions briefly: “To say what they do is wrong or that they know not what they do – is that okay? Because once you get into that territory, doesn’t that just become another form of oppression itself, to instill your values over theirs?” Who’s talking about instilling my values over theirs? I just don’t mind spreading the good word. What they do with it is their own business. I’m simply putting it out there, and I’ll be packaging it in palatable form. Where do you get the notion that pressing an opinion, selling it or otherwise presenting it is a form of oppression rather than expression? It would seem by your remarks that you actually support my position on advertising--that it truly can work as a form of oppression because it immerses us in ideology, even if it’s the apparently harmless little old ideology of doing whatever it takes to look good.

My point is this - you say that these people are wrong or act out of ignorance. You’ve even said that even though these people “freely choose” to work in the sex trade, there’s something wrong with them and that they’re wrong. To me, that says you think your opinion or beliefs are better than theirs, that you know what's right and they don't. In my opinion you want to change these people's beliefs to your own. You may perceive your actions as innocent but you are in a position of power. You influence others. You may pass on your beliefs and viewpoints when these people are receptive to it, but they aren't asking for it. That's all I'm saying. 'Oppression' may be a bit harsh, but surely you're trying to influence others to your belief system. As for adverts, we can simply fast-forward or change the channel, as most people do anyway. We can look up the data TIVO has to show what commercials people do watch and, from what I understand, they aren't what one would expect.

We can go on ad nauseam regarding this subject, I'm sure. I am clearly outgunned on this subject, as I have not studied it to the degree you have. But, since your views are in written form, I can understand your point of view more clearly. And despite our clear differences in opinion, I do respect yours. Obviously, I should be more sensitive to this subject because it does matter to you and I will be in the future. I just want you to know, again, that this is not something that defines you or me. We can exist together knowing that we do have differing opinions but in the end come to some of the same conclusions on some matters. I just hope that, because we have differing opinions, it doesn't somehow tarnish me in your eyes. I wouldn't mind discussing this further with you in person over tea, as long as the personal attacks remain at a minimum. :-) Plus, it's tedious through this blog.

Am I sexist?

Recently, I was accused of being sexist because I happen to turn on my headlights during the hours that Tom Lykis broadcasts on Fridays because that’s when his “Flash Friday’s” shows air. During the summer, Mr. Lykis encourages women to show their breasts to male listeners who have their headlights on during the commute home, to show their support for him. I had mentioned this to the woman I’m seeing and she immediately branded me a sexist. Along with her name-calling and uncontrollable anger, she went off on me that I follow the teachings of Mr. Lykis and that I’m just this sheep who demeans women by asking them to further perpetuate the role of them being sex objects.

First off, I’m not sexist. If I were sexist, I’d be objectifying women left and right. I’d be hootin’ and hollerin’ at women on the street, I’d be going to strip clubs and fashion shows and I’d certainly be trying my hardest to sleep with every woman I can so that I can dump them afterwards. Because, after all, aren’t women only good for one thing? [sarcasm]

Sure, I invite the typical female Tom Lykis listener to flash me on the 5 Freeway. What’s wrong with that? There are women out there that want to do it and there are men out there who want to see it. Does that hurt anyone? Does that demean anyone? No. I don’t think so. Of course, she disagrees.

Let’s focus on the points of the typical feminist, shall we?

Women are objects, mainly sexual in nature. They are treated unfairly in society. They are tools men use to get off and get far. Women should be equal in the eyes of men and their oppression should be lifted, as it is barbaric and so 17th century.

Surely, it’s more complicated than that. But, you get the idea, right?

Let’s start with how women become objects from childhood. As girls, they are told to be subservient, demure and “lady-like.” Images of frilly dresses, curly hair and Barbie dolls come to mind. As they grow older, the messages given to them are of servants to men, servants to sex and servants to fashion, make-up and looking like the aforementioned Barbie doll. It is well known that images in today’s media perpetuate the stereotype that women must look gaunt or emaciated, their skin perfect and their eyes doe-like. But, I’ll get to that later. For now, we know that women are brought up to believe that they are objects, either subliminally or directly.

They’re also brought up to take advantage of men. How? Women, for the longest time have been encouraged to look for successful men to marry. Why? Traditionally, men were the breadwinners in the home and women were the housewives. So, this idea has been passed down through the decades. It’s the American Way™. It is refreshing to learn that this trend is decreasing as we see more and more women going to college and getting their educations. In fact, more women are attending college than men. So, women are beginning to empower themselves. So, the roles will eventually reverse where the woman becomes the breadwinner and the man will stay home with the kids, if there are any kids at all.

So, why is it that women are treated so unfairly? Why is it that they’re simply looked at as objects of pleasure or whatever it is feminists claim? Well, first and foremost, it’s engrained in our society. Sure, we have the media. Television, radio and print ads continue to perpetuate the notion that women equate sex. And sex sells. But where did it start? It started with our religious texts and ideals. Surely, it doesn’t say directly in the bible that women are to be used as sex toys but it does blame women for every sin we have. Adam and Eve anyone? If it weren’t for that pesky woman eating from the Tree of Knowledge, we’d all be dancing around, naked, in the Garden of Eden (insert grandiose sigh for effect). It also states that women are second-class citizens, barely human and not in any way equal to men. Seeing that a large population of the planet is a follower of one of the Abrahamic religions, you know the view of women isn’t going to of equality. Thankfully, we live in a society that isn’t as backwards as say, Saudi Arabia (where women can’t drive, can’t show their faces and can’t do shit unless it’s in private and, even then, it may be against the law). Of course, this doesn’t explain away places like India, China, Japan and other Asian countries where, initially, the Judeo-Christian and Muslim ideals didn’t flourish, and still don’t (except India) but I think those societies saw women as inferior simply because women aren’t as strong as men, aren’t as big as men and didn’t (or couldn’t) do the work men did. We see this in nature as well, where in most species males dominate the pack, they hunt and they mate with the female of their choice and the female is left to raise the offspring.. on her own. But, that’s beyond the scope of this rant. So, I digress.

So, I touched on media and advertising. Yes, sex and thus sexism is still prevalent in today’s society. But is that the cause of sexism? We see rappers calling women “ho’s” and “bitches.” Yes, this is wrong. But who exactly is influencing whom? See, back in the early 20th century, advertising was all keen in just showing the products themselves. But, when advertisers realized that it wasn’t working anymore they began to use women in advertising. Why? Because everyone likes to look at women. Men like to look at women and, yes, so do women. I’m sure it was innocuous at first but as time went by, it became more and more sexual in nature. But why is this so? Was there sexism before the early 20th century? You betcha there was. So is advertising to blame for causing sexism? No. Well, how about rap music? Surely, the name-calling, the presentation of women in the videos and whatnot surely cause sexism today. Sure it does, but was there sexism before rap music and videos? You betcha. See, society was already sexist. Adverts and rap music and movies and television are reflecting that sexism. Unfortunately, it’s a vicious circle. Society gets it from the images they see around them and the images around them continually reflect what is seen in society. Somewhere, there has to be a break in the circle. It’s happening. More and more advertisers are using less and less sex in their ads. And women's groups and educational facilities are offering education to combat it. It’s a slow process but it’s happening. They understand that sex may sell, but it also damages.

So, is it wrong that a woman decides she wants to be a prostitute, a pornographer or a slut? After all, the message they’re given from the time they’re young to the time they’re adults is – your value simply lies in your sex. You are a woman, we only want your tits and ass.

No. It is not wrong. Because it’s a choice. (Yes, here we go again). Yes, maybe 30, 40, 50 or a 100 years ago, these choices would or could have been forced upon women. But today, there is a shift. More and more women are becoming educated, more and more women are becoming leaders and more and more women are becoming empowered. They have choices now. If they choose to be a prostitute, that is out of their own volition. If they wish to do porn, that is their choice. For whatever reason they decided to do it, it’s their choice. Are they demeaning themselves? No. Are they demeaning other women? No, because they have choices. If they choose to put themselves in a position that allows them to be objectified, that is their choice to make. Are they perpetuating sexism? Possibly, but for them it’s empowering as they are doing it on their own terms. And to say those choices are made out of ignorance and misinformation is false (and, believe it or not, there are feminists out there who believe that porn is okay because the women are taking control of their own bodies). In these times, with religious groups, women’s organizations and education, there are many outlets women can go to for information. These organizations GO to the women in need and make them understand what they’re doing. So when you ask, “well, what about the women who come from poor, troubled homes who just don’t know any better – who DON’T have a choice?” What about them? There are people out there seeking to give them help and an education. If not, that information is out there for them to be had. It’s also about personal responsibility. I had brought up a point that I’m the way that I am because I was brought up a certain way. The response was that once you know where the source of your behavior lies, you have a personal responsibility to either change it or live with it. What, does personal responsibility become waived with women who know nothing better, or that, because of their childhoods, they are exempt from personal responsibility? And, if in their minds they know it’s wrong on some level, don’t they have a responsibility to themselves, as women, to change it?

I am writing this in an angered state of mind. My thoughts are not focused and my points are probably shallow. There’s more to it than the above and I know it needs some work, I’m sure. But, I don’t think I’m sexist. Sure, I enjoy looking at beautiful women. I enjoy looking at parts of women. I enjoy the company of women. I do not, however, look at them and think that they’re only good for one thing, as Tom Lykis preaches. Behind those made-up faces, clouds of Bath and Bodyworks products and stylish clothes are people. They have thoughts, feelings, aspirations and desires. It’s unfortunate, though, that they have to take so many steps for us guys to notice them. It’s only because both men and women were brought up to behave that way.

Yes, I am dating a woman I think is hot. I am physically attracted to her. But, not for the reasons a sexist man would be. Honestly, I don’t think a sexist man would be in any way attracted to her – she is the epitome of anti-glamour, anti-makeup, anti-fashion (though she has succumbed to some of society’s nasty habits). She wears the same plain shirts, the same style jeans. And she wears sandals all the time. But why am I physically attracted to her? She has traits I’m attracted to. But she also has a quirky smile I adore. Her eyes are wide and engaging. Her hair is simple. She is tall and yes, she does have a nice ass. But when I got to know her, I became even more attracted to her. So much so that it’s sometimes overwhelming. She’s intelligent, witty, funny, sweet, thoughtful, caring and is just tack-sharp. I just adore her.

So, by the time she gets to this point (because I know she’ll be reading), she’ll be seething because I know she’ll think I just don’t get it or that I’m wrong somehow. But, honestly, are you right? Will your opinions and ideals solve the problems of women? To say what they do is wrong or that they know not what they do – is that okay? Because once you get into that territory, doesn’t that just become another form of oppression itself, to instill your values over theirs?





Oh, and this just in -- I was looking over at Postsecret.com where I found these two postcards, sent in by other readers of the blog.. They just struck me as I was writing this entry. (Sorry that I'm violating PostSecret's rules of only posting one (1) postcard to advertise that site.. but I really liked these two. I hope they understand)

In the Scheme of Things..

Does anything really matter?

Looking at everything from the point of view of the Cosmos, nothing really matters. I think, from that perspective, we don't even exist. We are cosmic molocules. We're there, but so insignificant we might as well not even be there.

We live, we die, we stub our toes. They're all the same on a cosmic level.

I want to be the Cosmos. It's a lofty goal but if you set your mind to something you can do it.

WalMart is Evil

And they suck.

Need there be an explanation?? I didn't think so.

That is all.

Pine Trees and Soliloquies

A soliloquy is defined as an audible oratory or conversation with oneself. It is a term that is typically applied to theatrical characters engaged in a monologue, but can also be a term that is simply descriptive of any occurrence when one talks with oneself. (definition source: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soliloquies)

Though I've got nothing to say about pine trees, except maybe that they smell good and, for some reason, make me want to mop the floor, I must admit that I have been talking to myself as of late.. a lot.. (The title, by the way, rhymed and I thought it was cute)

I've been doing a lot of driving lately and in those times between destinations I often think out loud (and, I'm sure the people who watch from other cars wonder who I'm talking to, sans mobile and earpiece). More absurdly, I reply back to my ramblings. Almost like a heated debate, I volley arguments at an imaginary wall where they bounce off and back to me. It's like verbal tennis against a backstop. The subjects are pretty mundane and, I assure you, aren't very important. Well, maybe some of them but still.. I won't bore you. Well, maybe a little bit.

Like, is Xanadu really the downfall of major civilization? I didn't think so, myself. I mean, Olivia Newton-John may have made a career-damaging mistake in starring in this movie and it probably drove Gene Kelly to an early death but, no, I don't think civilization is worse off because this film exists. Besides, ELO's wonderful soundtrack is brilliant. It could save mankind if put to the test. 15-Love.

Does chocolate reside in its own food group (called Chocolate)? If we were to look at the Food Group chart, we will see that grains, meats, vegatables and fruits all have their own groups. But, no one really notices the small (it's barely there but if you look hard, you'll see it. No, that's not a speck of dust. No! It's RIGHT THERE!) section labeled CHOCOLATE. Yes, chocolate is a food group. It has its own benefits to humankind and can be used in so many ways (ways I will not expound upon at this time). What? You don't see the section labeled Chocolate? Funny, it's on my Food Group chart - the latest one even, where the Government revised what foods should be eaten on a regular basis. Well, maybe it's drawn in on mine. It's my reality and therefore true. 15-ALL.

As I was driving to Comic Con last week, I had this great conversation with myself about the affects of carrots and peas on the adolescent child and why they shouldn't be served in school lunches and how, especially, they shouldn't be served TOGETHER (mixed). Sure, the colors are pretty but is it really necessary to mix them together? No. What affect they have on the child is really irrelevant at this time. All I'll say is.. therapy. 30-15.

One thing that I really do get overworked about is how certain people perceive of me. Obviously, one has to be important for me to really give a shit about what they think. I think, at the time of this conversation, people were steering well clear of my car. I don't know, but I think my swerving coupled with the fervent yelling in the car might have had something to do with that. 30-ALL.

I'm not big on labels. I'm embarassed at times to use them. But, for fuck's sake, people use them. Why is society so bent on having to label everything? It's hard not to get around that. I personally enjoy the label "Do Not Ingest with Alcohol." I almost had to pull over for this one. 30-40.

When hand gestures are used, it becomes harder to drive. I was thoroughly convinced that UFOs are visiting my home at night. So much so that I was pointing to the sky, making weird hand movements (flight paths and whatnot) and shrieking, "DAMN YOU, E.T.! DAMN YOU!!" It was my Charlton Heston moment for all of I-5 to see. Luckily, people were already staying clear of me at this time to really see my foolish drama. GAME: INSANITY.

Yes, sometimes I have these moments. Don't you?

Oh and on a side note. I've recently met a woman who I really fancy. Though she doesn't make me think about silly things such as the above (well, maybe a little bit but not necessarily the aforementioned silliness) she does make me think. And I really enjoy that. I can't recall the last time anyone has done that for me in recent history. I often find myself mulling over conversations she and I have had, analyzing them and making mental notes. She may not have me on physical strength but she can surely kick my ass mentally (Okay, she can probably kick my ass physically, too, but I won't go there).

Isn't there something better to do with your time, Mr. Sharpton??

Jesus Christ. Who the fuck does Rev. Al Sharpton think he is? In his crusade to limit people from expressing themselves in a way that offends and denigrates others, he wants to get the music companies to cow tow to his every whim. Does the following news article reek of bullshit?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070724/ap_on_el_st_lo/sharpton_buffalo

And now, he's backing New York Sen. Antoine Thompson who wants to pull over $3 billion in investments from music labels that have rappers on their payrolls. Rappers that use words like Nigger, Bitch, Ho and a host of other negative and offensive words. Don't get me wrong, I HATE rap music. I hate it more than watching people eat their own feces... and I REALLY hate that. But what's really great about this country is that it has roots in the FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION. Can you say that with me folks? Free-dom of Ex-press-shun. Good for you. Here's a gold star.

Offensive rap music has been around for years - I remember Easy E and NWA back in high school. Where were you, Mr. Sharpton when they became a founding band of hardcore gangsta rap? Where were you when Ice Cube, Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre were making it big? You didn't even jump on Eminem, who's white and uses words like Ho, Bitch and Faggot. Were you too busy doing the show Ally McBeal or maybe too busy trying to make a name of yourself? So, when twenty years roll by you're suddenly fighting the good fight? What a crock of shit.

Since the downfall of Imus, you've been on this crusade to limit the expression of musicians who use foul language and objectionable speech. What, did the anti-foul and racist language bug drive itself up your ass? And now you're backing government-sponsored extortion. It's the closest thing to censorship one can get from the government without getting rid of the First Amendment. No, we don't need to change the Bill of Rights, lets just cut off financial investments. That'll get 'em. Riiiieeet.

Hey, Mr. Sharpton. Here's a simple solution for you. Simply stop listening to whatever you object to. And stop being the crusader for minority and women's rights. Who died and left you to take on this role?

This is a free-market society, Mr. Sharpton. As long as there is a demand, there will be a supply. And right now, that demand is high. When there's a change in that, the supply will disappear and the rappers who sing about bitchy nigga ho's on their junk will disappear, too.

Until then.. go fuck yourself.

Oh, by the way.. Has the funeral of the word "Nigger" done anything to curb its use? Umm.. No. I don't think so. Woot to the NAACP! Another futile effort in stifling expression.

A Single Haiku

Nervous and content

Your skin, soft and smells so sweet

Twilight not so dim

Paris gets out!

What the fuck is this bullshit? Paris gets out due to medical reasons? What, her herpes are totally untreatable in the lock up? Are there no other sick people in prison? The people with AIDS, cancer, blah blah blah who are in prison aren't as sick as Paris?

Whatever the reason, she shouldn't have been pulled out. Her money, celebrity and name surely got her out. What, did she blow Sheriff Baca? I hope he caught her medical condition! Fucker.

I whipped something up real quick to show off her new accessory -

Paris can Rot for all I care

Has anyone read the following?

---
Take a Look at the Petition Available Through Hilton's MySpace Page

To:The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic "House of Wax". In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.

As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn't go to jail, either.
As depicted on Friday night's episode "Nancy Grace" on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been "slapped on the wrist" for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week. Brandy's California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED most likely due to her reckless driving!

Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time.
This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday.She is distraught and understandably afraid.

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made . If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton

Source: ipetitions.com

One word for you people -- BULLSHIT.

Why should Paris be given a "pardon" for her drunken stupidity? She had been given all the chances before. And simply because she doesn't take care of her own affairs (she relies on assistants, lawyers and other incompetent people it seems) doesn't give her a hallpass. If the average Joe Schmoe used those excuses, he or she would be laughed out of court and into their own 6x6 County Chamber of Hell. Just because she's a rich socialite bitch doesn't give her a Get Out of Jail Free card. Fuck her. She should go to jail just for acting stupid and without regard for the rest of us "mundane" people.

Paris may be a savvy PR goddess. She may have a portion of the general public's sympathy. Hell, she may even be genuinely sorry.. but those aren't reasons for her to be given carte blanche to do what she pleases. Go to jail bitch. And like it! If Martha Stewart can do it, you can too.

Classic!

Watching the latest Tiki Bar TV ep, I came across their brilliant new drinking game...

The Bunny Toss! And through the Royal League of Bunnies, you, too, can become an expert Tosser.. (oh the double entantes!)

Visit the official Royal League of Bunnies blog here.

Mind you - stupid people need not apply. The rules are pretty.. lengthy.

Anna Nicole??

So we finally find out how she died.

Who the fuck really cares? I mean, really -- who cares? I certainly don't. And we really didn't find out anything we already didn't know - she was one fucked up person. Mentally and physically. But again, do I care? No. I don't care.

And you shouldn't either. There are people out there that have more issues than she'll ever have (of course.. she's DEAD!). Do we care about them? No.

It should have come as no surprise what cocktail of drugs were found in her system. Methadone.. HGH... Probably some TrimSpa in there, too.. God.. what a fucking moron.

Computers Suck

I'm really pissed right now.

I did an interview with Guy Pearce this afternoon. It was a good interview and speaking to Mr. Pearce was really nice. He's a good guy, funny and not at all a dick like some celeb's I've spoken to. It was around 15 minutes long - I asked maybe 12 questions. After the interview, I saved the file as an MP3, exited the software and was done with it. I knew it saved because I saw the file on my desktop. It WAS there.

Now it's gone.

I can't find it anywhere. I downloaded an undelete utility to see if I deleted it - it's nowhere amongst the deleted files.

I searched the hard drives for every MP3 file. I just found shit from the Killers to the MP3 files the other programs use.

I double-checked all the directories - twice - three times - that I could have saved/moved/stored the file.

No luck.

I am now pissed to the point of tears. I can't just call the publicist up and say, you know what? * Chuckle * I kind of lost the interview with Guy and was wondering * Chuckle * if I can get in another 15 minutes with the guy.. well, because my computer somehow lost the interview.

It doesn't work like that.

I have all my other interviews from Tobin Bell to Hugh Dancy to Gretchen Mol to all the fucking interviews I've done and I can't fucking find this one interview. WHAT THE FUCK!!?

"What's that? Is that... is that you? Mr. Mark? Mr. Maker's Mark? Yes! Yes, I'll be right there. Please save a shot glass for me!"

Yep, it's time to break out the alcohol.

Boredom Hath Overcome Me

It's hard to write in script form. I'm doing the best I can.

EXT. HOTEL FIREPLACE NIGHT

A YOUNG COUPLE, in their mid 20’s, are sitting in front of a large FIREPLACE outside their luxury hotel. They carry on as boyfriend and girlfriend and sit next to each other in front
of the raging fire. She is wearing a NICE DRESS. Both are carrying drinks they got from the hotel bar.

GIRL
Hey, did you have a good time tonight? I did, though I didn’t like the music the DJ was playing. What was he thinking? I didn’t see any black rapper people. There wasn’t even any crunk juice. C’mon!

BOY
Baby, just let it go. The music was fine. Did you see Jen? She’s such a whore. Did you see that outfit? Rob so wanted to just take her out back and do her. But, whatever.


People are start shuffling out from various areas of the hotel. They gather around the fireplace to catch some warmth, tell a story or just lament about the hotel prices. A COCKTAIL SERVER walks by asking for orders.

BOY (flirtatiously)
Hey, sweety? Can I get a gin and soda with two limes? Yeah, two limes. I like a lot of lime taste. Can you do that for me? Thanks, hon.

GIRL
I’ll have a Cosmo. Thanks.


The Girl looks at her boyfriend with a contemptuous eye. If a look could be interpreted it would say she was jealous.


The girl, a little tipsy from her previous few drinks, is beginning to feel a little uninhibited. She hikes up her dress to her thighs. Her milky white skin is bare and inviting.


BOY (whispers)
Whatcha doin’?


The Boy leans over to put his hand on her bare thigh. The Girl doesn’t do anything to stop him.

GIRL (whispers)
What are YOU doing?

She smiles WRYLY.

So I was bored. I was out tonight.. at this bar that happens to be at this hotel in the area.. and I was actually sitting outside by the fireplace when this couple walked over. The only thing I could think of was.. Was the girl wearing panties? I bet she wasn't! She kind of looked like a skank - I'd certainly do her.. but hey.. I'm a guy who'd probably have no qualms about doing any semi-attractive girl wearing a skirt and no underwear. So, as I watched this couple, sipping on my bourbon and smoking my cigar, all I kept thinking was.. Dude, why don't you just ride your hand up her skirt and bang her right here? I won't mind. I don't know what the other patrons would have thought but I certainly wouldn't have complained.

I certainly need a better social life.

Catching up and Looking Back..

I was out tonight with some old friends whom I hadn't seen in years (some, in months).

It was great catching up with them and looking back to the past. The stories we had.

I got to thinking about all the good times we had and how every story I had began with -- I WAS SO DRUNK. It was rather funny.

But now, I'm kinda depressed because all of those times were so great and now all of my friends have gone on to produce their own families (you know.. get married, have some kids and get a job) whereas I'm still single, living like the bachelor that I am. Life has passed me up. I'm too old to reproduce those times and it sucks. I wish I were 20 again.

Let me point out that I NEVER WANT TO GET MARRIED and I NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS. I've realised this and I'm good with it. Hell, I'm even considering the permenant single lifestyle. Seriously.

Oh well.. I'm not too old where I can't go out and party. I'm still a decent drinker.. just yesterday, I drank a whole bottle of wine in one sitting. Didn't hit me.. too badly!

A thought on Suicide...

Someone I know committed suicide this week. He was a co-worker, someone I worked with for over 5 years. Our desks were next to each other. I heard the news from a friend of mine who was hysterically crying - they were very close. She told me he had killed himself.

I was shocked.

Those words - 'committed suicide' or 'killed himself' strike me. Strike me in a way that a ball would strike a pin. He and I weren't friends, just aquaintances. Yet, the notion that someone I know took their own life is just.. well.. strange. Sure, I've known people who have died, friends that were killed but never anyone who had taken their own life.

Though he and I weren't buds or bros or whatever, I still feel some sense of loss. Fuck, I worked with the guy for half a decade. In that time, he made me laugh, think, learn. I learned a lot from him. His humour was so spot-on, dry and full of wit, yet it was dark. His timing was perfect. He threw political correctness into the wind.

I knew he was emotional, he got angry a lot. Things just didn't go his way sometimes. At least not at work. We often joke about the things that bother us - we do it as a defense. He joked a lot about things I knew bothered him. But we all do it and it's a normal part of being ourselves. I knew our boss upset him a lot at work. And rightfully so. In those days before I left the company, a lot of things changed and job descriptions became more vast. He ended up doing something that just didn't suit him. It made his life even more stressful. Ultimately, he left the company, too. But I guess the stress didn't stay where it should have. I understand his life just spiraled down and things became even more stressful. He shut people out and he didn't want his friends to see him the way he was. He didn't take advantage of the friendships he had to help himself. I'm sure we'd all have obliged.

I understand, because for awhile I thought of suicide. Not just one of those fleeting passes when one gets overwhelmed and thinks - gosh, I can just end it. When my heart was ripped out from a past relationship (if you dig back enough in my blog, you can read all about it) it overtook my thoughts like a cloud of smoke. It enveloped me. Consumed me. I was looking for a way out. I toiled at ways I could do it. Crash my car into a wall, steal a friend's gun, take a lot of sleeping pills. I wasn't concerned with how I would affect other peoples' lives. I wasn't concerned that hurting others would happen. The only reason why I'm still here to type this is simple. I'm afraid of the pain I might suffer and I'm also afraid of the last few seconds of mystery our bodies go through before we die. That's the only thing that stopped me. I'm not a man of god - I'm an atheist. I don't believe in heaven or hell. Anyway, the thought of suicide hasn't left me - I think about it all the time. I'm glad I never told my therapist as I'm sure he would have had me committed.

But, that's all I'll ever do.. just think about it. The realisation of its affects have hit me, just by one man who I wasn't even close to. His actions will hurt many for years, whereas he is out of his misery. People around him now must clean up his mess. He will be a burden upon others for the rest of their lives in one way or another. Though the financial, logistical burdens may subside soon, the emotional ones will last forever. I could never do that to my friends or family. So, the thoughts will stay thoughts and when the times get tough I'll remember that nothing is worth killing one's self over. It's a permenant solution to a temporary problem.

One thing I can say about Jim, and I know he'd appreciate this (cos he'd say the same thing), is that his photographs are now worth a lot more. I tip my hat to you and may you rest peacefully now.

100th Post

Wooo hooo!!! 100th post!!

[cheer] [scream] [fireworks]

Okay, now that the celebrations are over and the crowd subsided, we can move on.

I think sundays are going to be my 'out to the bar' day. This time, it was Hero's in Fulleton, CA.

It's a nice bar, very cozy. Peanut shells on the floor (as they serve 'em oldstyle, from those cool red, white and blue bags) and the drinks very good.

As you may know, I like to go it alone to the ol' bars and taverns.. unless I'm hanging with the few friends I do have, it's all about experiencing the activities solo.

Other than the bartender not being able to serve a decent martini, it was all good. The beers on tap are numerous (over a hundred, I believe) and the food is top-notch (beef brisket sandwich for me this time).

The next time a girl starts talking to me at the bar, I'm going to ask for her number. Damn it - being the shy type doesn't help me in social situations. I could tell she wanted to talk but I wasn't really paying attention. It was the San Diego/Cleveland game, which was going pretty good.

But back to the martini. Gin martini, STIRRED not shaken VERY dry. Was it dry? No. Too much vermouth. The girls next me kept saying I should have a dirty martini. This, my friends, is sacreligious. And, I will NEVER have a dirty martini again. EVER. Between now and the day that I die I will not purposely ingest a dirty martini. There is a reason for this.

And why stirred? Because I heard it's better for gin not to be shaken as the complexity of the spirit is broken up when shaken.. so was it stirred? No. It wasn't stirred.

I couldn't drink it all, especially after the barkeep added more gin. I just couldn't. I would have fallen over if I had. But, I liked his style, his courtesy. He was a funny guy. Just enough conversation without being bothersome. That's a good bartender.

Bill came out to thirty bucks. I gave him a 10 dollar tip.

Are you still stuck on that reason? None of your business. :-)

McDonalds, You Are My Foe!

McDonalds be damned. Oh, you fiend, it is not your french fries or your pathetic Big Mac. No! It's not your stupid parfait or chicken McNuggets or your worthless salads or even your health conscious fare.

It's your goddamned McRib. The McRib sandwich that has a pre-processed pork..whatever..drenched in BBQ sauce and placed between two buns with a few pickles and onions. It is this thing you call a 'sandwich' that has me fevered.

Why, you ask? Oh, I'll tell you why.

It's because it's sooo fucking good. Have you tasted one of these gems?

I, like many millions of people, avoid the Arches like the plague. They are the symbol of an obese nation, a beacon of unhealthy choices and a gateway to the land of gluttony. But it is this time of year that the satan of foods brings upon me temptation that cannot be denied.

The McRib.

Oh the juicy, processed pork. You cannot just eat one. You have to eat two. And if you're really hungry, you can probably scarf three. This must be a ploy by McDonalds. A ploy to say, "yes, I still control you. I STILL HAVE YOUR STOMACH WITHIN MY POWER." And they do. Without even a commercial (which I've now seen, by the way), we know where these delightfully forbidden morsels are and when to expect them so that we may devour them without remorse.

If I were a god-fearing man, I would pray for forgiveness. I would repent my sin.

The only thing even close to this on any scale is, of course, McDonalds' green Shamrock shakes. And Saint Patty's Day is quickly approaching.

Oh, you have once again made life unbearable. But you will crush me, like a girl with my heart who has decided that the girl she met in yoga class is the one for her. How, you may ask?

When those delicious little sandwiches cease to be sold, again, as they are only for a limited time. And once again, I will be left in withdrawl only to have to go through this again next year.

DAMN YOU McDONALDS! DAMN YOU!